I quit

I got carded while buying some Franzia at Walmart before the kids were out for two snow days (the week of MLK Day). So in case anyone is wondering what the highlight of my January was, that's it. I've never felt more youthful. And also, I've never felt older because I'm buying friggin Franzia from Walmart and I think that might be a legit way to assess age. Also a parental milestone sort of moment because I can distinctly remember my parents' box of Franzia in the fridge growing up. We poor but we also need a drink, okay.

The kids are having their 100th day of school this week and of course they have projects associated with this day and snacks to bring in and clothes to wear for dressing up like an old person. Can you see me rolling my eyes? Once I pry my painfully flat butt off this crazy uncomfortable futon setup, I gotta go hot glue 100 Smarties onto a posterboard for Sam. Mostly because I don't trust my youth to use a hot glue gun without my direct supervision but also because I know damn well this is a test to gauge how involved parents are at home. And I'm here to play the game. Pathetically, but I'll play. (Looks kinda like dodgeball. I'm skurred.) I'm also trying to get Sam to learn his Bible verses before his test (did I mention we swapped him to a Christian school after Christmas break?) and practice his cursive. I frequently forget to pack his lunch for the next day until I am all ready to head upstairs and go to bed. I don't know where all this laundry is coming from. I swear to you, I do a massive (MASSIVE) load, and then I turn around and I'm like, okay, we're good for two days. And then it is out of control once again. I just grab sheets and towels whenever I see them and toss them in now too because I can't be trusted to wash those on any sort of a schedule. The tub in the kids' bathroom broke over the weekend. I noticed it draining very slowly while giving Will and Molly their prison-style showers and cautioned Sam against running the water for very long while he showered due to the drainage issues and I didn't want him standing in a tub full of dirty water. But y'all, once I leave a room, the old adage "out of sight, out of mind" becomes my truth and I instantly forgot about it... until I re-entered the bathroom that night to brush their teeth before bed. Then I saw the tub, completely full of dirty water, not draining even the tiniest bit. Since the sinks and toilets were still working properly, I assumed something related to the plug was broken and made a mental note to call maintenance the next morning. "Out of sight, out of mind...." I walked up the stairs Monday evening, ripping filthy clothes off of Will and changing his (ever poopy) diaper when I noticed it. "Sonuva...." Molly: "You really should call someone to come fix that." Me: IF I HAD A BRAIN I WOULD. That actually happened for a couple days, I'm embarrassed to say, and the water did not turn any clearer as time passed, but this morning, as I was at the housing office, my neighbor called me to say that maintenance had arrived to fix the tub. Of course I keep my house locked tighter than Fort Knox, so I had to come back and assist, even though I was on my way BACK into town because Sam left his reading book on the couch. As the maintenance man walked into my washroom (littered with leaves and dirt and six million kids' shoes), I asked if he would mind taking his shoes off because I have little ones that crawl and mouth everything on the floor. He took them off for me, but after the fact, I was looking around at my house. Asking for him to remove his shoes probably seemed insane given that my house was covered in crap. Everywhere you look there is a school paper, a Thomas train, broken crayons, an empty baby bottle, dirty pajamas, unwashed dishes, mail, coloring sheets, baby wipes. I'm sure he was thinking, Lady, your kids couldn't crawl through here even if they wanted to. But no mind! At least no foreign germs are on the floor too. Which is good, because I couldn't vacuum if I wanted to right now.

I've known for quite some time that I could bribe my kids pretty well, but since Steve left, I have not felt up to cooking much of anything, and when I don't cook, there is no need for bribery. Dinners were pretty lackluster and resembled more of a picnic or breakfast situation than anything remotely like dinner. But the other night I cooked dinner and told them that if they cleaned their plates, I would give them each two Oreos. (The Oreos that Molly was supposed to take in for class snack but because of "snow" there was no school, so darn, we had to keep them.) Those children ate EVERYTHING. With no complaints. I continue to do this with more daring foods (always offered with a side of ketchup because I'm no monster) and I have to say, it's going quite well but I'm gonna need to keep my dessert game going strong if I plan to keep this up. So all in all this is shaping up to be a shit ton more work than toast and eggs, but I guess if good nutrition benefits their growing bodies, as research suggests (ha), it might be worth it. I keep telling myself I'm going to start feeding Hank solids soon. He's still only six months, technically (almost seven). Molly didn't have solids for much longer. Probably ten months. Steve was deployed then too. I tend to lack any motivation in feeding people when he leaves. No one is quite as appreciative of my food as he is! And they make an insane mess to boot. But I might commit here soon... maybe on Steve's birthday (which I continue to forget is happening this week) I will make him celebratory oatmeal. Speaking of oatmeal, Will is a big fan, but we've been out for a week or two now. I have some coming via Amazon, but in the meantime, he keeps pulling dry ranch dressing mix packets out of the pantry and bringing them to me, in the hopes that I will make him oatmeal. He does not understand (even with the pictures of veggies on the front) that this is not oatmeal. Poor boy.

I have decided to pull Sam from soccer this season. I was so hopeful that he would be placed on the same team as our neighbors' sons down the street. It would be the most perfect carpool situation in existence. Unfortunately, our request was not honored and I just refuse to continue making my own life hell by disrupting the sleep schedule. So I quit soccer. Because when it boils down to it, sleep is everything to me right now. It's the only time I'm alone. It's the only time I'm still. It's the only time someone is not crawling on top of me demanding my attention/bananas/drinks/snacks/diaper changes. And as the sole caregiver for these needy mofos, I DESERVE THAT. I don't always get it (thanks Hank), but I do like to try for it. And on the same note, Molly mentioned that she no longer wanted to take tap lessons. And I will be completely honest, a large part of my soul rejoiced. Because waking the boys early from naps just to sit in the school pickup line, then rushing into town, tossing snacks at all the kids, helping Molly change in the car (shoving her very warm after-school STANK FEET into tights in such a small space is NOT A PLEASANT ACTIVITY), taking everyone OUT of their carseats and car to walk four feet into the dance studio only to be smashed like sardines waiting for her class to open, four minutes later, shuffling back out and putting everyone back into the car, keeping the male animals caged and entertained inside the car for a full hour, taking everyone back OUT of the car to go stand in her class and see what they've "learned" (yes, that is in quotes for a reason), collecting Molly and trying not to lose Will on the mad sardine dash back out to the ever-muddy parking lot, loading all the kids BACK into the car and buckling carseats, driving home with a few hangry folks in tow, mentally preparing for the insanity that is coming- Hank screaming because it's dinnertime and he's hungry, other kids flipping out because it's dinnertime and they're hungry, me freaking out because I'm feeding Hank a bottle and not making dinner. I NEED MORE ARMS. Then we go straight into dinner, bathtime, bedtime routines, leaving no time for outside play or much homework. Certainly no meaningful conversation. I'm just tired, y'all. So I might let her quit. It's probably not the right choice but it's certainly the easier choice and if I get an option right now, in this season, I'm choosing Easy Street. EVERY. DAMN. TIME. And the last thing on the chopping block is AWANA. My kids love it. I love taking them to it. They have fun and learn great things and get excited to go each week. Before Christmas break, my neighbor's husband had not yet deployed, so I would drop the big two at AWANA at 6, come home, bathe the tiny two, put them to bed, and then she would come over at 7:15. She would sit in my house while I ran back up to the church at 7:30 (maybe five minutes down the road) and I'd grab the big kids and although their bedtime got pushed back slightly, it was much easier to recover from that with them and make up the time. But now her husband is deployed. And I have no one to come sit at my house with my sleeping children. So I have to take my children (who are usually fast asleep by 7) out of the house and up to the church at 7:30 and pray to every star in the sky that they somehow manage to stay awake until we get back home because I was not blessed with children who do a nice carseat transfer. Let me be the first to tell you, that is crazy stressful. At 7:30, I can't waste time trying to get Hank back to sleep while the big two need help showering. Because then they won't even start showers til 8! And I know this all sounds incredibly stupid and early, but this is our schedule and my kids wake at 6 or earlier NO MATTER WHAT and they need a certain amount of sleep in their bodies to not act like demons from the underworld when they wake up. So I quit AWANA. Other things I've quit in recent weeks/months:

• PWOC
• CWOC (oooh yes, it's possible to quit them both)
• church on Sundays (but the neighbors have started sitting with us to hold Hank so that has actually been put back on the table)
• reading (anything. ever. this is so laughable. I actually quit this years ago.)
• mopping (it's quicker for me to get on my hands and knees and put in some elbow grease with the clorox wipes)
• wearing anything other than leggings (People that wear real clothes- do your kids just not get you dirty? Do they not wipe snot on you? Do you get enjoyment out of doing a delicate load of laundry? What is your secret? Why do you wear real clothes? I'm so curious.)
• making new friends (I've found quite the group that I am very comfortable being with. And they are very comfortable with me and don't mind my 3-day-old mascara smudged mascara or dried shoulder snot stain or my leggings. I love meeting new people but right now, I don't have the time, so I'm making the most of the amazing ones I've already got.)
• care packages (Poor Steve used to get care packages on time during his last deployment. They were even themed according to the latest holiday or birthday or whatever. 2012 Jenn was so cute and had so much damn free time on her hands. This time around I just send him some protein bars and instant coffee, maybe a quick note, then shove as many kid drawings that I can find in there before having a neighbor assist me in closing and taping the box. Then I write on the outside- "Caution- contents under pressure." And Steve knows to stand back when he initially cuts into it because it will explode and it will rain protein bars. I see you, flat rate boxes. And I will max. you. out.)
• this list could literally go on forever

Basically I quit everything (except all of the household chores and childcare duties and the school carpool and my morning jogs with my neighbor and my peanut butter addiction. I CAN'T QUIT YOU, PEANUT BUTTER.) So please excuse my absence here, there, and everywhere if it happens. I just need to focus on getting stuff done here and maybe shaving my legs more often than once every two and a half months.

New year, same mess

School started back today- PRAISE THE LORD!!!! We all survived it, which is honestly sort of surprising and cause for celebration. We will likely celebrate with a king cake soon.

total madness!!

While the rest of the country got pounded with snow and negative temps, we hibernated when the weather dipped into the 20s and 30s. I know we regularly faced negative temps in Minnesota last winter, but something happened to my body during this Louisiana summer. It went soft? Weak? Warm? I'm not sure. It's definitely soft though. That could be from wine or humidity, the jury is still out. We would venture out in the afternoons for an hour or two tops before running back inside and trying to warm up.

My attitude towards cold weather here is drastically different as well. Basically if a hoodie can't keep me warm, I find the outside offensive (THIS IS LOUISIANA. COME ON.) and want nothing to do with it. I refuse to pull out legit winter bundling items. Thankfully it has been steadily warming up and I hope it continues to do so. These children were made for the outdoors and I was not made to pile on layers of clothing for all of them (so helpless!) so warm weather works well for us right now.

We had a couple play dates with our friends from Korea. One morning at our house and the next morning at theirs.

On Friday night, my friend texted and asked if we wanted to do something on Saturday. The weather was supposed to be amazing, so I said I'm up for anything as long as it's outside. We agreed to go to the zoo. We had the whole place to ourselves for quite some time and it was a blast!! The kids sufficiently wore themselves out.

Super creepy how this lion just kept staring at us. I bet Hank looked like a tasty little butterball to him.

a very unfortunate tree branch under that location tag

Fun fact: the two little boys are both William. Mine is Will, hers is Liam. They were born two days apart from each other.

Seems I took an overwhelming amount of photos of just Will, but to be honest, he was about the only one I could keep up with between lugging out my camera and pushing Hank and trying to keep eyes on the other kids. It's a wonder there are any photos at all actually.

Hop on in, I'm driving Mom insane

watching monkeys

While we were initially only planning on staying two hours, the kids were having a blast and we stayed three. Everyone started slowing down towards the end though (as evidenced above).

We ended with a train ride, and Will, being obsessed (OB-SESSED) with all things choo choo, just sat quietly and soaked it all in.

I ran out of bottles for Hank and instead of eating at CFA, I decided we'd just head on home and eat CFA in the car on the way back. I've been back there (past the front seat) recently- a little fried chicken could not possibly cause more damage and destruction that what has already been done. But my friend offered to take the two big kids with her, and with that, we were off!

Creepy burning on the way home- not sure if this was happening on Ft Polk or not.

We spent the last part of our weekend playing outside and taking down the Christmas lights.

They only worked for the first half of the first week that I put them up but we looked festive in the daylight at least. The entire time I was balancing on a stool and taking them down, I kept thinking about how happy I was that Steve was going to be in charge of this next year. I have no business doing stuff like this. Because after it starts getting hard or ugly, I stop caring and just slap it up there. Better done than perfect! Steve would argue that, of course.

My neighbor and I started jogging again this morning. Between the holidays and traveling (her) and being sick, we hadn't been in a few weeks. We went this morning and I wish I could say it felt better but it hurt just as much as it usually does. Endorphins were nice. And only dealing with two children was reeeeeeeel nice, Clark. Merry Christmas to me. I hope your resolutions are still holding strong one week into the new year as well.

2017 Recap

Y'all I haven't done one of these recaps since 2014!!!!!????!!!!!  2015 and 2016 were blogger slacking years for me in general but things have been eh, somewhat along the lines of semi consistent this year. Sorta. Anyway. Let's do this!

What were your highlights of 2017?

• We got settled and cozy in our spacious (ha) 790 sq ft house in snowy Minnesota.
• The big kids started at their new school and rode the bus together to and from each day.
• We had a lot of snow day fun with our friends.
• Will was finally (FINALLY!) baptized.
• We found out our sweet #4 was going to be a BOY!
• We had to make a reeeeeally tough decision regarding our future and it led us back to active duty Army life.
• Molly turned 5 and had a deer themed party.
• We saw the beginnings of the mighty Mississippi and then spent part of spring break at a casino/waterpark.
• Steve left on Easter Sunday to report to Fort Bragg, the beginning of the six week long clusterfudge of Army re-entry.
• Steve was ever so slowly rerouted to Fort Polk.
• Sam lost his first tooth!
• My kids all took turns testing me with multiple cases of vomiting and diarrhea, as they are wont to do whenever Steve goes anywhere for an extended period of time.
• We moved ourselves from Minnesota to Louisiana.
• We adjusted to the sweltering swamp-like heat and humidity that is summer in Louisiana and then I ate a donut and almost died.
• I remained in firm denial that I was pregnant, we did a lot of swimming at our neighborhood pool, played outside every evening til we were out of sweat, raced on slip and slides, ate some sno cones, the works.
• Turned out I was pregnant for real and Hank was born on July 2nd.
• I was pumping like a crazy person and Will got his first haircut and Hank was just seamlessly fitting into our family.
• August was a complete blur and not a single post was blogged that month. We found out halfway through that Steve would be leaving at the beginning of September for a deployment  to Iraq.
• Once Steve left, I quit pumping, the suburban tried to catch on fire, Molly started taking tap, Sam started playing soccer, and life just generally hit warp speed in terms of chaos and workload.
• Geez apparently I didn't blog at all in October either, but Sam turned 7 (SEVEN!!!) and we celebrated Halloween all month long (dressed up as quite the Auburn ensemble).
• I turned 31. And it was a lot better than I thought it would be.
• Thanksgiving was the most ghetto of children's meals while my neighbors brought me plates of delicious pity food that I wholeheartedly accepted.
• Sam played a season of flag football and I paid a sitter to come over one Saturday morning so I could watch at least one game before the season ended.
• We soaked up some seriously amazing weather and spent 90% of our waking hours outdoors playing.
• Our Christmas cards were a total disaster but I got the greatest picture of Molly in recent history.
• Our favorite friends from Minnesota came to spend Christmas with us, and in doing so, brought the actual plague with them. The gift that keeps on giving. We rallied in spite of it and managed to have some fun. Will turned 2.

Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
To be perfectly honest, I can't remember that I had any resolutions last year. I'm sure at some point I probably hoped that no one would freeze to death in our new arctic climate. So I'm gonna go ahead and chalk that up to a win.
Resolutions for 2018? Hmmm...
I want to be a better parent for my kids.
I want to travel somewhere. Anywhere.
I want to lose weight but I want it to be a by-product of the healthy lifestyle I'm living and not because I'm counting calories like a crazy person.
I want to run a 5k with my friend.
I want to open up my photography business again (which I'm finding is a heckuva lotta work!!).
I want to not get pregnant.
I want to wear a bikini. But like one of those high waisted ones that I can tuck my rolls into.
(These resolutions just got scarier and scarier, didn't they?)


Did anyone close to you give birth?
Well shoot, I did. My little brother's wife had a sweet little girl in March also, but I haven't gotten to meet her yet.


Did anyone close to you die?
I feel like a few folks tried, but luckily they're all still here!


What countries did you visit?
Well this is depressing. We came damn close to Canada, but 2017 was a year we visited absolutely nowhere but the big ol' US of A. Better luck next year I hope!


What would you like to have in 2018 that you didn't have in 2017?   
Time alone? My husband? A weekly babysitter? I may as well ask for a unicorn.


What dates from 2017 will be etched upon your memory, and why?      
The day Hank was born- because overwhelming happiness.
The day Steve left for Iraq- sad, hard day.


What was your biggest achievement of this year?
Surviving it. I know that sounds kinda stupid, but we had a few hard times in Minnesota with Steve not finding decent employment, his journey to get back into the Army, being stuck indoors with the kids due to the cold, and I didn't discuss it with many folks, but there was a scare during my pregnancy with Hank where I had to go for a lot of special ultrasounds because the doctors thought he might have down syndrome. (Our insurance also ran out right as we were transitioning from Reserves to Active so we couldn't even get the testing done to determine whether he had it or not. We opted to wait and pray and, thank the Lord, he is perfectly healthy with no genetic abnormalities to speak of.) Not to mention moving ourselves while extremely pregnant during the summer and adjusting to a new town/friends/school/church/Army life. It just was not an easy year!


What was your biggest failure?
Honestly I feel like I have been so short on patience with my kids. I spent a lot of the year stressed out and that did not translate well into my parenting. I really want to be better for them this year.


What's the best thing you ate?
Probably one of Rick and Monica's homegrown cheeseburgers


What's the best thing you bought?
A carpet shampooer. Because barf.


What did you get really, really, really excited about? 
Besides the carpet shampooer? Hmm. The start of school. And anytime the forecast called for temps in the 70s.


What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I could have slept more, gone on more adventures, taken more photos with my real camera.


Compared to this time last year, are you: a) richer or poorer? b) happier or sadder? c) thinner or fatter?
A. Richer, which is hilarious or sad, I can't tell which. Maybe both.
B. Also sort of a toss up. Last year we had just gotten to MN in the middle of winter and were living in a very small house surrounded by a lot of snow. Steve didn't have a job and we were excited but also anxious at what our future held. We were happy to be where we wanted to be, without the sky high cost of living that NYC had, but nervous too because even a low cost of living requires an income. This year we have an income, but at the cost of being without Steve. Which is a mighty high price to pay. I'm happy Steve is back in the Army and I'm happy our life is (somewhat) stable. I'm sad that Steve's not here though.
C. Thinner. But only slightly. And only because I'm not pregnant.


Did you fall in love in 2017?
Of course. It's impossible not to fall in love with sweet Hank.


What was your favorite TV program?
I should probably remove this question because it's been a few years now since I've watched TV.


How did you spend Christmas?
With our best friends from Minnesota, barfing our brains out


What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 31 and it was pretty much just a regular day around these parts! I was, however, showered with love from friends and family, which made the day better than normal.


How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2017?
Sweatpants. And in the summer, just sweat.


What kept you sane?
Amazing friends, air conditioning, wine, sending the big kids to school



Tell me a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017.
Less is more. (Unless we're talking about wine or Reese's. Then more is more.)
            

Cheers to doing more than just surviving 2018!

2014, 2013

Christmas 2017: a lot more barf than I imagined

Well we survived it. I might have high-fived it... on its way out the door. That was a doozy. We surprised the kids with a visit from our friends from Minnesota. But before that I surprised the kids with a lot of cleaning because HOLY MOLY WE LIVE IN FILTH. Mostly because no one ever remembers to flush the toilet but also maybe because I can't stay caught up on laundry to save my life. So we cleaned and then our friends arrived. We played and played and played.

Hank snuggled Monica like he's never snuggled me!

Will caught Beau up on the latest happenings since we last saw each other in MN

We got everyone fed, bathed, and in bed. No small feat when there are 8 children and only two adults. That night though, things started to go downhill. Monica's oldest son was complaining of a tummy ache. He stood up from the sofa and started barfing. I instinctively grabbed a bag and ran towards it. (They say that's when you know you're a mom- when you run towards the barf instead of away from it. Almost like a firefighter runs towards the flames, police run towards the danger, soldiers run towards the battle. Like that but just way less heroic. The only thing at stake here was my carpet. So, still important to me obviously.) Anyways, as he's barfing (and hitting my arms more than the bag), I see a giant SPIDER out of the corner of my eye. I yell for Monica's nephew (12yo) to kill it. Except 12yo's are very literal and I didn't want him to smash it with his hand and possibly get bit. So I told him to kill it! But with a diaper! Or something! Anything! He threw the diaper at it. I seriously just started laughing. Covered in puke and now a killer spider is loose in my house. Merry Christmas. Can I tap out now? But just you wait, there was more fun to be had. A lot more fun. And when I say fun I think you all know by now that I mean barf.

Since our entire street has had this stomach bug for a hot minute now, we knew it would be a 12-24 hour deal. Luckily it was closer to 12 and everyone was playing nicely and vom-free the next day. We kept most of the activities outside since I feel better about fresh air and germs mixing.

Monica's truck proved to be a very effective, very expensive play pen

Watching a Christmas movie with Willie and his little crossed legs kill me

We had some really nice weather while they were in town, and one day we even let the kids go barefoot. They literally played outside all day long, and they all mixed well with the neighbor friends too. It was like a big ol' block party outside every day.

I tell you what, feeding eight children has completely turned me off to having eight children. Not that I was ever really considering it but holy cow. #1 we'd be completely broke. #2 that is a lot of work. #3 that is an impressive mess three times a day.

Molly has been d-y-i-n-gggggggg for the neighbor down the street to come over and bake Christmas cookies with her. Well the stars finally aligned and they made some sugar cookies. No one was more disappointed than Molly to learn that the dough has to harden for a few hours, but in the meantime they made a loaf of banana bread. And it was instantly devoured upon its exit from the oven.

So it turns out my oven cooks very unevenly

my little babushka

At some point, it started getting chilly. Of course, anything below 65* and we are all complaining of the cold, so I can't remember when we all started worrying about our impending frostbite, but it was probably premature. It didn't even seem to help when Monica's neighbors would text her weather updates from MN. "-34*? Shoot, it's 56* here but I swear it feels colder than MN."

All of these pictures are probably out of order. We pretty much did the same thing all week- make a crap ton of food, disperse food to hungry natives, throw clothes at children, shoo them outside, hours of playtime, inside for more food, prison baths, bed. Those kids played so hard and slept so well.

Rick arrived the night of the 23rd and was greeted with much enthusiasm.

Christmas Eve mood

Around 4am on Christmas Eve, I heard Molly bumping around in the hallway and finally came into my room. I was crossing my fingers and toes she was about to tell me just had a bad dream..... but instead, she had barfed all over her bedroom door and carpet. Lovely. We cleaned up the carpet and Molly and got her situated on the floor in the room with Hank and me. She threw up randomly for the rest of the morning. When I opened the bedroom door at 6, I was staring at Sam on the toilet (because why shut the door amiright) and he clutched his belly and said, "ohhhh I have diarrhea." Yayyyyyyy

He's like me and you can basically mind trick him into never throwing up, so luckily his illness began and ended with the diarrhea. Will "slept in" that morning (and by slept in I mean I sorta forgot about him and suddenly realized it was 8am and we were missing someone). I was terrified as to what I'd find behind his bedroom door. Surely it wouldn't hit all my children at once.... But surely it did. Will had not only puked at some point in the night, but he'd rolled over and gone back to sleep in it. (Molly used to do the same thing. Be right back, gagging at the memory.) AND he pooped! So that was a fun morning. I showered him and then started in on the cleanup and sanitizing process. I was suddenly grateful that we had fed the kids corndogs the night before and not tomato soup, like we originally planned. Cleanup would have looked a lot different. Luckily it seemed to be a one and done sort of thing. Will acted like nothing had ever happened and literally ate from the moment he got out of the shower until he went to bed. Molly lazed on the couch but I don't think that was so much her feeling bad as it was her milking the situation to watch tv. Whatever. The rest of us were outside and it was nice to not have to deal with that every 24 seconds.

So the worst had passed! Yay! We were done with the sickness. Until Rick came downstairs Christmas morning and told me that Monica had been up puking all night. Luckily she's a champ and the show went on, even though I'm sure she would have much rather been in bed all day sleeping it off!

Christmas breakfast (or snack, according to how you look at it)

I actually facetimed Steve while the kids were opening presents, so I don't have pictures of any of it. But they loved their new things, and they loved their friends' new things too, as evidenced by Will claiming most (if not all) of Beau's new cars.

We turned the kids loose outside after that because the neighbors were already out playing with their toys, and Santa was easily 10x more generous there than at our house. We also focused solely on outdoor toys this year since Louisiana livin' allows us to live outside 90% of the year. Thankfully our neighbors did too and got some fun stuff! (Like that roller coaster- Will is obsessed! Terrified me the first time he went down and hit that curb, but he loved it!!!)

Also not our toys

This one's mine

Hard at work on the new art set

We had minimal injuries Christmas Day, which was pretty much miraculous. Our neighbors got some of those bubble suits that you run into each other with, and between the crusty old mailboxes and the random (nonworking) light pole in the grassy area of our circle, I was almost certain we'd have to make at least one run to the ER. The worst to happen was Sam's chin made contact with the neighbor's tooth. Slight mark and bruising but nothing serious. We stayed outside all. day. long. We even skipped lunch. Will skipped his nap. It was insane. Around 2:30 I thought, oh haha I will go make some dip to bring out, and while I'm in there I guess I'll check and see how long I need to cook the ham for. It's been a few years since I've made one. Well the correct answer was RIGHTTHISSECOND so I ended up not going back outside and stayed in the kitchen to cook for the rest of the day.

Cooking would have not been remotely possible without all the extra hands to hold babies and referee big kids.

Oh my baby's first Christmas! Time, slow down! What's even scarier is that he is wearing the outfit Will wore last Christmas! (Size 18 months was only slightly baggy on him...) As happy as he looks, he noticed that I neglected to hold him myself the majority of the day and punished me that night. I remember stupidly thinking, wouldn't it be nice if he slept til 3:30 in the morning? Then I could get a solid 4-5 hours. But then ten minutes after I crawled into bed he coughed and woke himself up and ended up being awake UNTIL 3:30 in the morning, so joke's on me. I'll never wish for anything like sleep ever again.

This is what 7 years of no sleep looks like, folks. And my Christmas day sunburn.

Christmas Day was Will's last day of being 1. It snuck up on me so fast. I was still telling people he was "18 months"! (To be fair, I can't keep track and basically say "18 months" the day after they turn 1 until the day they turn 2. I like to ballpark it.) I seriously (SERIOUSLY) debated holding off on celebrating his birthday on another day. I was so tired. SO TIRED. But as I was showering that night, I realized that mothering is MY JOB and even though society tells us that the holidays are for "slowing down" and "vacation", it's like the Super Bowl in my line of work. So much cooking and cleaning and activities and laundry and celebrations and god forbid we don't make some mutherfuggin gingerbread houses and throw a birthday in there too (in addition to Baby J's birthday, of course) and it's pure madness. I did not want to skip one of my children's birthdays. Or postpone it. I needed to just suck it up and DO IT. So I finished showering and went and laid everything out for the traditional birthday waffle stack the next morning. Changed out the Merry Christmas banner to the Happy Birthday banner. Dug out the #2 candle I miraculously remembered to buy a week or two prior. Looked around at the destruction and called it a night.

Worth it. (It always is.)

It was super rainy and freezing cold that morning, and our friends were headed onto greener pastures. Or at least warmer temperatures. Florida, specifically. So we said see ya later, and stayed in our pj's all day. We watched Thomas and opened a few gifts, made a cake, and had hotdogs for dinner.

Oh my goodness this handsome devil

We changed into fresh pj's before heading to bed. And I attempted one more picture of my newly minted two year old.

He was too far gone with his choo choos though and couldn't be bothered. I love that boy so much I could burst.

After getting the kids in bed, I reheated some of the Christmas dinner leftovers and instantly regretted it all. Then I went to bed and prayed Hank would let me sleep a few hours. Then suddenly, at 1am, I woke up. Not to a crying baby. But to a gurgling stomach. And the only thing I could see in my mind was someone turning ham with a spoon. And let me tell you, when your stomach has ham in it, and it's gurgling, the last thing you want to do is picture more ham. And for it to be moving. Sadly, despite disinfecting everything in between making a cake and catching up on laundry and birthday fun, I contracted the dreaded stomach bug. I sat in the bathroom and attempted to talk myself out of throwing up. I can't. I hate it so much. There is no one here to rub my back. Or take care of the kids. Or listen to me whine. But then I threw up anyway. Hank was screaming by that point. I cleaned myself up and mixed a bottle. I can sleep when I'm dead, right?