Christmas 2017: a lot more barf than I imagined

Well we survived it. I might have high-fived it... on its way out the door. That was a doozy. We surprised the kids with a visit from our friends from Minnesota. But before that I surprised the kids with a lot of cleaning because HOLY MOLY WE LIVE IN FILTH. Mostly because no one ever remembers to flush the toilet but also maybe because I can't stay caught up on laundry to save my life. So we cleaned and then our friends arrived. We played and played and played.

Hank snuggled Monica like he's never snuggled me!

Will caught Beau up on the latest happenings since we last saw each other in MN

We got everyone fed, bathed, and in bed. No small feat when there are 8 children and only two adults. That night though, things started to go downhill. Monica's oldest son was complaining of a tummy ache. He stood up from the sofa and started barfing. I instinctively grabbed a bag and ran towards it. (They say that's when you know you're a mom- when you run towards the barf instead of away from it. Almost like a firefighter runs towards the flames, police run towards the danger, soldiers run towards the battle. Like that but just way less heroic. The only thing at stake here was my carpet. So, still important to me obviously.) Anyways, as he's barfing (and hitting my arms more than the bag), I see a giant SPIDER out of the corner of my eye. I yell for Monica's nephew (12yo) to kill it. Except 12yo's are very literal and I didn't want him to smash it with his hand and possibly get bit. So I told him to kill it! But with a diaper! Or something! Anything! He threw the diaper at it. I seriously just started laughing. Covered in puke and now a killer spider is loose in my house. Merry Christmas. Can I tap out now? But just you wait, there was more fun to be had. A lot more fun. And when I say fun I think you all know by now that I mean barf.

Since our entire street has had this stomach bug for a hot minute now, we knew it would be a 12-24 hour deal. Luckily it was closer to 12 and everyone was playing nicely and vom-free the next day. We kept most of the activities outside since I feel better about fresh air and germs mixing.

Monica's truck proved to be a very effective, very expensive play pen

Watching a Christmas movie with Willie and his little crossed legs kill me

We had some really nice weather while they were in town, and one day we even let the kids go barefoot. They literally played outside all day long, and they all mixed well with the neighbor friends too. It was like a big ol' block party outside every day.

I tell you what, feeding eight children has completely turned me off to having eight children. Not that I was ever really considering it but holy cow. #1 we'd be completely broke. #2 that is a lot of work. #3 that is an impressive mess three times a day.

Molly has been d-y-i-n-gggggggg for the neighbor down the street to come over and bake Christmas cookies with her. Well the stars finally aligned and they made some sugar cookies. No one was more disappointed than Molly to learn that the dough has to harden for a few hours, but in the meantime they made a loaf of banana bread. And it was instantly devoured upon its exit from the oven.

So it turns out my oven cooks very unevenly

my little babushka

At some point, it started getting chilly. Of course, anything below 65* and we are all complaining of the cold, so I can't remember when we all started worrying about our impending frostbite, but it was probably premature. It didn't even seem to help when Monica's neighbors would text her weather updates from MN. "-34*? Shoot, it's 56* here but I swear it feels colder than MN."

All of these pictures are probably out of order. We pretty much did the same thing all week- make a crap ton of food, disperse food to hungry natives, throw clothes at children, shoo them outside, hours of playtime, inside for more food, prison baths, bed. Those kids played so hard and slept so well.

Rick arrived the night of the 23rd and was greeted with much enthusiasm.

Christmas Eve mood

Around 4am on Christmas Eve, I heard Molly bumping around in the hallway and finally came into my room. I was crossing my fingers and toes she was about to tell me just had a bad dream..... but instead, she had barfed all over her bedroom door and carpet. Lovely. We cleaned up the carpet and Molly and got her situated on the floor in the room with Hank and me. She threw up randomly for the rest of the morning. When I opened the bedroom door at 6, I was staring at Sam on the toilet (because why shut the door amiright) and he clutched his belly and said, "ohhhh I have diarrhea." Yayyyyyyy

He's like me and you can basically mind trick him into never throwing up, so luckily his illness began and ended with the diarrhea. Will "slept in" that morning (and by slept in I mean I sorta forgot about him and suddenly realized it was 8am and we were missing someone). I was terrified as to what I'd find behind his bedroom door. Surely it wouldn't hit all my children at once.... But surely it did. Will had not only puked at some point in the night, but he'd rolled over and gone back to sleep in it. (Molly used to do the same thing. Be right back, gagging at the memory.) AND he pooped! So that was a fun morning. I showered him and then started in on the cleanup and sanitizing process. I was suddenly grateful that we had fed the kids corndogs the night before and not tomato soup, like we originally planned. Cleanup would have looked a lot different. Luckily it seemed to be a one and done sort of thing. Will acted like nothing had ever happened and literally ate from the moment he got out of the shower until he went to bed. Molly lazed on the couch but I don't think that was so much her feeling bad as it was her milking the situation to watch tv. Whatever. The rest of us were outside and it was nice to not have to deal with that every 24 seconds.

So the worst had passed! Yay! We were done with the sickness. Until Rick came downstairs Christmas morning and told me that Monica had been up puking all night. Luckily she's a champ and the show went on, even though I'm sure she would have much rather been in bed all day sleeping it off!

Christmas breakfast (or snack, according to how you look at it)

I actually facetimed Steve while the kids were opening presents, so I don't have pictures of any of it. But they loved their new things, and they loved their friends' new things too, as evidenced by Will claiming most (if not all) of Beau's new cars.

We turned the kids loose outside after that because the neighbors were already out playing with their toys, and Santa was easily 10x more generous there than at our house. We also focused solely on outdoor toys this year since Louisiana livin' allows us to live outside 90% of the year. Thankfully our neighbors did too and got some fun stuff! (Like that roller coaster- Will is obsessed! Terrified me the first time he went down and hit that curb, but he loved it!!!)

Also not our toys

This one's mine

Hard at work on the new art set

We had minimal injuries Christmas Day, which was pretty much miraculous. Our neighbors got some of those bubble suits that you run into each other with, and between the crusty old mailboxes and the random (nonworking) light pole in the grassy area of our circle, I was almost certain we'd have to make at least one run to the ER. The worst to happen was Sam's chin made contact with the neighbor's tooth. Slight mark and bruising but nothing serious. We stayed outside all. day. long. We even skipped lunch. Will skipped his nap. It was insane. Around 2:30 I thought, oh haha I will go make some dip to bring out, and while I'm in there I guess I'll check and see how long I need to cook the ham for. It's been a few years since I've made one. Well the correct answer was RIGHTTHISSECOND so I ended up not going back outside and stayed in the kitchen to cook for the rest of the day.

Cooking would have not been remotely possible without all the extra hands to hold babies and referee big kids.

Oh my baby's first Christmas! Time, slow down! What's even scarier is that he is wearing the outfit Will wore last Christmas! (Size 18 months was only slightly baggy on him...) As happy as he looks, he noticed that I neglected to hold him myself the majority of the day and punished me that night. I remember stupidly thinking, wouldn't it be nice if he slept til 3:30 in the morning? Then I could get a solid 4-5 hours. But then ten minutes after I crawled into bed he coughed and woke himself up and ended up being awake UNTIL 3:30 in the morning, so joke's on me. I'll never wish for anything like sleep ever again.

This is what 7 years of no sleep looks like, folks. And my Christmas day sunburn.

Christmas Day was Will's last day of being 1. It snuck up on me so fast. I was still telling people he was "18 months"! (To be fair, I can't keep track and basically say "18 months" the day after they turn 1 until the day they turn 2. I like to ballpark it.) I seriously (SERIOUSLY) debated holding off on celebrating his birthday on another day. I was so tired. SO TIRED. But as I was showering that night, I realized that mothering is MY JOB and even though society tells us that the holidays are for "slowing down" and "vacation", it's like the Super Bowl in my line of work. So much cooking and cleaning and activities and laundry and celebrations and god forbid we don't make some mutherfuggin gingerbread houses and throw a birthday in there too (in addition to Baby J's birthday, of course) and it's pure madness. I did not want to skip one of my children's birthdays. Or postpone it. I needed to just suck it up and DO IT. So I finished showering and went and laid everything out for the traditional birthday waffle stack the next morning. Changed out the Merry Christmas banner to the Happy Birthday banner. Dug out the #2 candle I miraculously remembered to buy a week or two prior. Looked around at the destruction and called it a night.

Worth it. (It always is.)

It was super rainy and freezing cold that morning, and our friends were headed onto greener pastures. Or at least warmer temperatures. Florida, specifically. So we said see ya later, and stayed in our pj's all day. We watched Thomas and opened a few gifts, made a cake, and had hotdogs for dinner.

Oh my goodness this handsome devil

We changed into fresh pj's before heading to bed. And I attempted one more picture of my newly minted two year old.

He was too far gone with his choo choos though and couldn't be bothered. I love that boy so much I could burst.

After getting the kids in bed, I reheated some of the Christmas dinner leftovers and instantly regretted it all. Then I went to bed and prayed Hank would let me sleep a few hours. Then suddenly, at 1am, I woke up. Not to a crying baby. But to a gurgling stomach. And the only thing I could see in my mind was someone turning ham with a spoon. And let me tell you, when your stomach has ham in it, and it's gurgling, the last thing you want to do is picture more ham. And for it to be moving. Sadly, despite disinfecting everything in between making a cake and catching up on laundry and birthday fun, I contracted the dreaded stomach bug. I sat in the bathroom and attempted to talk myself out of throwing up. I can't. I hate it so much. There is no one here to rub my back. Or take care of the kids. Or listen to me whine. But then I threw up anyway. Hank was screaming by that point. I cleaned myself up and mixed a bottle. I can sleep when I'm dead, right?

A weekly rundown

First of all, I have to ask you, does a cuter Kardashian exist? I think not.

Some might wonder if those are real or not, but those cheeks are 100% all natural. #blessed

This week has been slam-full. Not a single day where we didn't have something going on, and luckily, that has made it pass by fairly quickly. Of course, that is exactly what I wish for, while also wishing for time to stop. Because hormones.

I haven't lugged out the double BOB in quite a while. I've been waiting for Hank to be a little less floppy-necked to use it and he is finally there. So instead of unloading the other double from the back of the car, I rolled the BOB out to the playground up the street. As I was pushing it though, I looked down and felt my heart fly up into my throat. I saw two sets of legs- one set of little tree trunks with tiny shoes on, and the other set barefoot with chunky thighs catching some sun. I had a mini panic attack because this wasn't Sam and Molly. And that's who those little legs and chunky thighs have always belonged to in this stroller. My mama heart cannot fathom that those little legs and tiny shoes are now sitting at a desk in first grade with youth sized shoes on, while the bare feet and chunky thighs have been replaced with size 13 shoes and slim thighs that make her run really really fast. How has time slipped away so quickly? Is this park trip right now going to soon be a blur in my mind too, as I wish for this deployment to hurry up and end? I'm trying so hard not to wish the time away, while also dying a slow death via parental exhaustion.

On Monday evening we had the usual soccer practice and mad rush to get everyone home and bathed and in bed afterwards. I pack Will and Molly a picnic dinner, and make Sam's dinner and set it in the fridge so he can eat when he gets home. While he eats, I bathe Hank, make a bottle, and then take the other three upstairs. I have Molly play with Will while I swaddle and feed Hank and then put him to bed. By then Sam is usually upstairs so he and Molly play while I bathe and get Will into his pajamas. I put Will to bed and then bathe Molly. I try to tidy up upstairs while Sam showers himself and Molly gets into her pajamas. Then we all say prayers and I tuck the big two in. Once that's over with I can run downstairs and start chores and eat dinner and start thinking about going to bed. Ha! My favorite part of the day.

On Tuesday, I picked the kids up from school and took Molly to dance. The boys and I ran a few errands around town while she was there. Since her dance class lets out at dinnertime, we rush home to do dinner, baths, and bed. Lather, rinse, repeat the above.

On Wednesday morning, I had a friend come over for a playdate. The last time she came over, I knocked an entire bottle of soju off the top of the fridge right before she arrived. Of course it shattered into a million tiny green pieces that smelled like fingernail polish remover. So preparing for her to come over was much less stressful this past week. Just a light vacuuming and picking up toys. Way less intense than the shop vac and trying to convince her that I didn't have a major drinking problem at 9am. Wednesday night was AWANA and they did wacky hair and outfit night. The picture stinks but you get the gist of it. Sam went all out wearing Will's clothes and then putting some of his own underwear on top of his head.

I normally make a midweek commissary run while the big two are at AWANA, but I didn't need anything (say what?) so I took the two little guys home, gave them baths, and then loaded their pajama'd selves back into the car and dropped off recycling before picking the big kids up. AWANA doesn't end until 7:30 so that really stresses me out because Hank is normally passed out by 7 with Will and the other two not far behind. As soon as we got home I chucked Will into bed and put Hank to sleep (TOOK FOREVER) before finally bathing Sam and Molly. I was slightly stressed out (ha) and might have frantic-texted Casey too much. (Sorry, Casey!!!! YOU DA BEST.)

On Thursday morning, I dropped the kids off at school and then prepped lunches for Will and myself since we were going to be out til noon. My friend from Korea is leading a Bible study in a town about a half hour from us and I told her I'd do the study with her. Will went to childcare (tears) and I took Hank with me. The study went well and it was very obvious when I picked Will up that he had the time of his life. I've never seen him so excited to show me things, but he led me around the playroom like he's been going there for years. He even did some handprint art, which is the way to my heart. Art from my kids, with their tiny little hands, that I did not have to assist in making. Melting. I got the boys home (fed Will in the car on the way) and changed diapers before putting them down for naps. Before I'd even sat down, it was time to go to the bus stop to get Sam and Molly. After snacks and homework, we headed out to the soccer field for a weeknight game! How exciting! For once we had the chance to watch a game that didn't involve sweating through our eyeballs! It. Felt. AMAZING. The game flew by and Will only tried to fling himself into the on-field action once. Maybe twice. I'll be honest. It's hard to try and film plays for Steve while I'm screaming like a nut and trying to keep an eye on Will and Molly. Hank- forgot about him. Not sure if I was holding him or if he was in the stroller but he made it out alive too. Anyways, all that to say that I did rewatch one of my videos to Steve and noticed Will just toddling around staring at other parents. Also! Sam's team won! They lost their first two games so they were extra pumped over this win.

It probably goes without saying that that was a late night. Everyone and their brother needed a shower after that game. See above for labor intensive shower schedule.

Friday morning came incredibly quickly and after getting the big kids off to school, we came home just long enough to make and eat breakfast before hightailing it back to Sam's school for their 6 week assembly. Recognizing the kids for academics, perfect attendance, conduct, etc. We hauled ASS over there and I slapped some mascara on in the parking lot before busting out the stroller and taking the boys in. They started early and we ended up watching from the wall. Then, as quickly as it started, it was over and the kids were whisked back to class! I gave Sam a hug as he walked back to class and then asked a friend if she could get a picture of me with the other two.

Will was not having it. First thing in the morning, he needs to be outside and running around. So we skipped a Starbucks date with friends and headed to the playground instead. It actually did not feel like the surface of the sun, so we all had a great time before heading home for lunch, naps, etc. Molly rode the bus home to a friend's house, so we got our Sam and headed out for haircuts- just me and my boys. Will has been waking up with some WHACK bedhead, so he was due for a trim. Little old lady took off more than I'd bargained for, but whatever. Maybe we won't have to go back so soon. I can't say I enjoy having him sit on me screaming as I am sprinkled with every tiny hair from his head. Then Sam got his hair cut and wanted a lightening bolt. I knew the barbers at this shop are somewhat elderly, so I prepared him for the fact that it might not happen, don't be disappointed, etc. But then the lady said she'd give it a shot! HAHA I thought ahhh what could go wrong here. What could go wrong was for her to ask me to draw a lightening bolt for her. Which she did. And so I drew one. Terribly. Then she did it.

Or attempted to do it. Whatever. That will grow out soon enough.

She asked him what he thought of it and I cringed, waiting for his ultra honest answer. But luckily he couldn't see it very well with a mirror. So I told her thank you and he'd see it later. Let's get OUTTA HERE. I showed him a picture in the car and he said, "Well it wasn't what I had in mind." But he said he got it because his team's name is Lightening and surely they'll win the game with his lightening bolt hair!

After haircuts, we headed to a froyo shop with friends. They both got honor roll and good conduct so we thought, ah let's reward the little crazies. Will was already on a sugar rush from his barber shop sucker, so he was extra pumped up for some froyo with toppings selected by two first graders... We left there in a sticky haze and headed to go pick up Molly from her friend's house. Tears because why can't she live there. Friday is our pizza night (haha because I'm lazy and frozen pizza is $3), so forget the fact that the boys have now had sugar galore, they are also having pizza for dinner. Bathed them before dinner because of the sticky/hair situation, made pizza, and let them eat before chucking them all swiftly in bed.

Hank let me sleep in til 5:40 this morning, which I am eternally grateful for, while also extremely depressed about because 5:40 should never, on this earth, be considered sleeping in. But 'round these parts it is. So. We hung out til everyone else woke up at 6 and then we started getting ready for Sam's game. We had to get there an hour early today for team pictures. We essentially pack like we're spending a day at the beach. Giant sportsbrella (because gingers), stroller, chairs, snacks, wipes, water bottles, diaper bag, bottles, formula, etc. Good thing these games last for an hour because I'm not sure I could justify the lugging of that much shit down a gravelly non-paved road by myself for a 30 minute game like the little kids play. Sam's lightening bolt haircut worked some luck and they won again! Will was not at all interested in sitting under the umbrella and ate all of his snacks before the game even started so that was a bust. Luckily there was a shaded playground nearby and I basically just jerked my head back and forth between watching Will and Molly play and Sam's game. Hank slept for some of the game, praise the lord, and then he had to listen to me screaming in his ear for the rest of the game. They did so well! And it's surprisingly entertaining! I'd love to focus 100% on the game but I'm clinging to the promise that one day I will.

This lasted about ten whole minutes before they headed for the playground behind us.

Another game where we didn't drown in a puddle of sweat!! WINNING

After lugging everyone/everything back to the car and the house, we made a quick lunch and then attempted naptime/quiet time. That ended FAR too soon for my liking and we were looking for something to do to burn energy during the long afternoon hours. I randomly heard that our town has an art park?? News to me. So we drove to town and checked it out.

Not terribly large or impressive, but it was nice out and it was fun seeing a new side of town we had not explored before. We also saw some red leaves and everyone got REALLY excited about fall. Despite the fact that it was 87* out and we were all sweating. Ha!

The kids had so much fun swinging on the two dinky swings at the art park that we went straight home to go swing on more swings.

We had some friends meet us there to play until the meltdowns didn't stop and we all headed home. Baths, dinner, teeth, BED. I've got the kitchen clean and coffeepot prepped. We'll see if I'm up to the aerobic workout known as "mass" tomorrow morning. Will is high energy at 9am.... Pray for me.