MN --> LA

Well, it finally happened. We got the call and within an hour, life completely turned upside down, as I knew it would. We went from not knowing if Steve would actually get to talk to someone at his new unit, to him talking to the unit, me booking a plane ticket for him to fly home, and him getting leave to come move us down, all within about two hours' time. After that excitement ended, I was slinging stuff in boxes and packing up everything that needed to be packed and wiping things down and scrubbing and cleaning and generally just running about like a chicken with its head cut off.

always time for a banana break of course

Using his little brother as his own personal armrest. Ouch.

In between packing and picking Steve up from the airport, Sam graduated kindergarten. They did a little skit and some songs before diplomas were handed out. I was filming it all for Steve, but Monica managed to snap some photos of Sam acting super excited to receive a diploma. He's lucky I was filming or I would have thrown something at him and hissed to make him stand up straight.

He was in a really silly mood that day (probably because he had an audience), and normally he is the one that I can always count on for perfect behavior, but still- God bless kindergarten teachers. Never in a million years could I walk into that every day.

Naturally there was cake and the brightest red koolaid punch you've ever seen. Will toddled around the room looking for empties left behind by unsuspecting partiers before eyeing down Sam's cake in the hopes that he'd share.

Luckily Sam is a sweet big brother and gave Will multiple mouthfuls.

Monica: Class of 2029?? Will we even be alive then?
Me: Shoot, I dunno. I'm sure we'll be living like the Jetsons by then though if we are.

Started out at PS169 in Queens, NYC, and finished up the year at Norman County East Elementary in Gary, MN. Two polar opposites for sure, but they lucked out with great teachers and friends at both.

That night, my neighbor Terri came over after I'd put the kids to bed so I could go pick Steve up at the airport. Of course his flight was delayed out of Chicago and I may or may not have lost my shit while on facetime with him while he was there (not at him, just venting to him about All The Things, but still embarrassing since I kinda forgot he was surrounded by, ya know, an entire airport full of people).

I left at 8:45 and stopped for gas before heading down to Fargo. After 9pm and the sun was still setting. I had to pull over to snap a pic.

I got to the airport right as Steve had landed. It was going to be the perfect pickup. Then he texted to say that the plane's steering had gone out and they were now semi-stranded on the runway and were waiting for a tow. At almost 10pm on a Tuesday at the Hector International Airport, it really was a toss up as to how long it might take for that to happen. But eventually it did, and Steve emerged from the airport and hopped into the car. We buzzed back home past the freshly plowed fields and relieved my neighbor from her watchdog position.

No time for reunited couple selfie shots though, we had to run right back down to Fargo the next morning to pick up the moving truck after getting Sam on the bus for his last day of school. Molly and Steve drove to weigh the truck while Will and I went to Target and stocked up on last minute road trip supplies. We reconvened at home and Monica took Molly so she could play outside all day long and Steve and I set out loading up the truck. Sam rode the bus out to Monica's house after school (seriously, his favorite thing ever is getting a bus pass to Colt's house) as Steve and I continued packing and cleaning. We rented a 16 foot truck. We drove out here with a 26 foot truck. Why we thought we had purged THAT much is beyond me, but I'm gonna chalk that mistake up to "we have a lot going on." Anyways, Steve packed that truck within an inch of its life and we realized we'd be leaving quite a few things behind. I texted Monica and my neighbor and told them to come over to lay claim to what they wanted. At that point, I wanted to light the truck on fire. Moving makes me completely desensitized to THINGS. I end the day hating that we own STUFF and wonder why we don't sleep in hammocks and eat on a picnic blanket and rewear the same outfit every day. It is also around this point that I begin to despise the DITY move. I start out strong usually; everything is going along swimmingly, Steve is stacking boxes like a Tetris master and we look like we will pack this truck with room to spare! Then we start putting oddly shaped furniture on there and suddenly we are just slinging crap in garbage bags to fill in the holes and spaces and I quickly start making a giveaway pile. After I alerted the neighbors that we were having a flash giveaway, I started looking around and realized that some of this stuff that can't get packed until the end (vacuum, steam mop, shop vac, etc) are going to cost more to replace than it would cost to rent a small U-Haul trailer. BLUGH. U-Haul is closed by that point of course, so we make a plan to stay at a hotel in a nearby town that night and load the U-Haul the next morning. We found Monica's dog (lol) and went out to drop off the dog and let them know we'd be back in the morning. Of course Monica offered to let Sam and Molly spend the night one last time. Truly, A SAINTLY OFFER, as staying in hotels with children is one of my least favorite things to do in the history of ever. Of course Molly and Sam were thrilled by this development and I don't think they even said goodbye to us before they had hopped on the go kart with their buddies and were tearing off through a field.

We made it to the hotel (ironically, the hotel Steve and I first stayed at when we moved to MN) and put Will to bed. Steve drove into Fargo to weigh the fully loaded truck before coming to bed. We got up the next morning (Will, the alarm clock, never fails to have us up by 6) and drove to a nearby town to rent the U-Haul trailer. We towed that home and loaded up the trailer. Will screamed for much of the day, as I was paying him very little attention and was instead, cleaning everything in sight.

And, funnily enough, we came from right next to Flushing, NY, before MN.

We saw most of our neighbors and said our goodbyes to the Fonz. Sam had recently gotten a small pine tree from school to plant (for Earth Day maybe?) and he planted it about 4 inches from the front steps. The Fonz assured him that he would take care of it and help it grow, possibly transplant it somewhere that wouldn't one day disrupt the entire foundation of the house. He also assumed lawn care duties and general security detail as the man is a saint and always offering to do kind, neighborly things for us.

We left around lunchtime and drove as far as we could, which ended up being somewhere in South Dakota. We stopped at a Culver's for dinner, as I felt it might be wrong to leave the Midwest without trying this place that everyone raves about.

I gotta say, it was pretty "meh". Pretty sure my burger was straight up burned, but at least we can say we tried it. Willie's grilled cheese looked pretty good though! Back on the road for a few more hours before stopping for the night.

Sam and Molly took turns riding with Steve in the truck

After a fabulous breakfast the next morning (Holiday Inn Express really does breakfast right), we hit the road. Friday was our full day of driving, so we got an early start.

I seriously forget what state this was, but I wanna say an Arkansas Welcome Station? We met some very friendly Canadians who were vacationing and shared some cheesy bread knot from their picnic lunch with Molly before we finished our lunchables and veggie stick feast (we so fancy!) and got back on the road.

While loading the truck, it did feel like we had wayyyy too much stuff, but it is interesting to me now that every single material thing we possess in this world can fit in those two trucks. Maybe we aren't so bad after all.

We were making really great time, never really hit any traffic, and the kids were being really good. Naturally, the tow dolly hauling Steve's car popped a tire.

Steve called Penske and they said they'd have someone out to fix it "in 90 minutes or less" which sounds great, but we were in the middle of nowhere and it looked like it might possibly be closer to that 90 minute end than the "less" end and Molly had to pee and Sam had to poop and Will was just OVER sitting in a carseat any longer. So 90 minutes did feel kinda like an eternity at that point. But luckily the guy showed up super fast and changed the tire without even having to move the car off the dolly! We were so impressed. We chugged on til about 10pm and called it quits for the night. Our room was great and the kids slept really nicely. We were up and on the road early again the next morning- our last day of driving!!

I have to say, we stayed in Arkansas that night, and driving through northwest Arkansas was really beautiful. I think South Dakota and Arkansas are really underrated as far as natural beauty goes. I'd never driven through either one, but they both reminded me of something out of a storybook.

We weren't able to run an interstate all the way down, and that was interesting to say the least. We did manage to stop at a Sonic for lunch and celebrate the South for a minute. Molly informed me that she was "sweddin' tuh def" which cracked me up because it was maybe 80* and we were not even in Louisiana yet, so the humidity hadn't fully set in.

Willie waved to all the cars on the road and was thoroughly entertained as we waited for our lunch.

We finally arrived at Fort Polk. Hallelujah. Holy humidity.

I met far too many people looking just like this. You know what they say about first impressions and all.... pregnant Richard Simmons comin' atcha! Hiya, neighbors! Meet your newest crazy on the cul de sac!

We got most of the truck unloaded and beds set up and met all the neighbors before bathing everyone and chucking them in bed. And by we, I definitely mean Steve did most of the moving and unloading and I did most of the frizzy-haired socializing and child-watching.

if only my curls stayed so nice and tight

On Sunday, the kids alternated between playing basketball, riding bikes around the circle, and hanging out with their new friends.

Folks were a little disappointed when we had to return their hang out spot.

Steve is such a great dad, and despite sweating his guts out moving stuff off a truck all morning long, he offered to take Sam and Molly fishing at the catfish pond on post while Will napped so I could have a minute to myself. Sam was beyond thrilled and still asks every day, multiple times a day, if they can go fishing again rightthissecond.

Sam is so proud! And that fish is so ugly!

We hit up the neighborhood pool on Memorial Day after unpacking/melting for the first half of it.

Willie made sure to wave at as many ladies as he could, Sam perfected his cannonball (and belly flop omg - "It's not scary but it does kind of hurt your belly a bit."), and Molly alternated between floating, hanging onto Steve, and free falling off the side of the pool.

Pretty blurry, but you get the gist of it- they are very happy that the tv is set up and Tom and Jerry can rot their brains out once again.

That night, we went to bed and heard a fantastic thunderstorm. I laid there and thought, oh yes, I've missed this! I love listening to the rain on the roof and the thunder rumbling off in the distance. Then the next morning we said hello to our neighbor outside.

Neighbor- "So you guys made it through the tornado too then huh?"
Me- Tornado?
Neighbor- "Yeah. A tornado touched down on North Fort last night around 8:30. I was hiding in my bathroom all night long. Did you seriously not hear it?!"
Me- Tornado? Really? I was actually super excited for a thunderstorm. Slept like a baby. I guess I need to set up weather alerts or something on my phone...

We ran errands and unpacked some more yesterday and hit up the pool again. Then after dinner (we grilled chicken and it's been literal YEARS since we've grilled anything and it was so so nice!!), we sat our lawn chairs at the bottom of the driveway and let the kids run wild til well past dark.

high fructose artificially flavored and colored popsicles were a must, of course

The neighbors all trickled out after dinner and we sat out talking until we could barely make out our kids anymore. Late baths and bedtimes and we actually slept in til 7:30 this morning. Wild, I tell ya!

We ran more errands today and dropped off all of our boxes at the recycling center, I registered at the hospital for some reason (I'm told I'll have a baby at some point?? Da fuq??), and then we attempted a swim at the pool but it was closed due to some maintenance, so we drove all over creation and ended up grilling at home again for dinner before heading out to Sonic for some ice cream.....

Will made his rounds throughout the car, sampling everyone's ice cream and deciding he liked them all best. Then we headed home for baths and bed as another thunderstorm rolled in. Sam got his summer buzz today and it looks as though we skinned a cat on the back porch. I can't imagine how much better he feels outside in this heat though! I do wish I could do the same.... I'm sure that would be less than attractive on me though. Guess I'll suck it up and try and work that frizzed/frazzled look. Wish me luck!

Week five - ok this needs to end

I was not anticipating this whole in-processing .... PROCESS (for lack of a better word) to last this long. The amount of time it's taken for Steve to accomplish the most basic things is astounding (and that is not to put him down- his hands are tied). I am just gobsmacked at how poorly managed everything has been.

I don't even think I took a picture every day this week. Not a whole lot happened. Besides me going absolutely insane. But that is kinda like a weekly occurrence now. So I will just hit the highlights!

Steve ran into our former babysitter from when we were in Korea!!! She works at the dental clinic at Ft Polk and Steve went in to schedule an appointment. I'm not sure if she'll be up for babysitting again since we are adding two more needy beings and she lives almost an hour away, but you know I'll be asking..

Doesn't she have great teeth? Dental field totally suits her.

We had an appraisal done on our house this week, as well as a home inspection. Since we had neither done prior to moving in, I am curious to see what comes up. (Did I mention we have a buyer? She wants to move in June 1. Which is perfect because in my mind, we should be outta here by then. Key words: IN MY MIND)

Chief complaint: stowaways throughout home. Must be removed.

Will, prepping for the upcoming cold snap and frost warning. SMH. SMDH.

Molly had a half day of school on Wednesday. I still don't know WHY exactly. But it coincided perfectly with the time that Will takes his one solo precious most important nap each day. As we were driving home, Molly complained that it wasn't fair that she didn't get to stay an entire day like Sam. I KNOW, RIGHT? SING IT, SISTER. AIN'T FAIR. AIN'T FAIR AT ALL. WE SHOULD PROTEST THIS HALF DAY NONSENSE. I'M JUST AS UPSET AS YOU ARE BUT NO FOR REAL I AM CRYING ON THE INSIDE.

Will basically spent the entire week fluctuating between World's Cutest Baby and The Reason I Might Ask For A Hysterectomy At My Next OB Appointment. One minute he is kissing me and giggling like a sweetie and the next he is screaming at me for God only knows what and cannot be consoled. Or is only open to being consoled while I'm trying to cook dinner/wash dishes/swap laundry. I will admit- I am curious to meet Baby #4 but I might also just be counting down to when I can drink again.

One night I made my children eat this horrible dinner- cheesy egg sandwiches. I KNOW. MONSTER. Look how defeated Sam looks. Why can't we just eat hot dogs every night, Mother?! Why?! WHY?! Because I'm cruel, that's why. I'm also trying to use up every stinkin' thing left in our fridge and freezer, so I made them smoothies too. A smoothie that Molly enjoyed about as much as Sam enjoyed that sandwich. (I know you just heard my eyes knock into the back of my skull.)

Molly's last day of pre-K - can you hear me sobbing?

Of course it turned freezing and I've packed all their winter clothes away because my brain absolutely refuses to believe that we can be at the end of May and NOT be sweating our eyeballs out. It's just not natural to be wearing sweaters right now! And yet! We are! Pregnant Jenn doesn't mind of course because it's like free air conditioning everywhere I go, but dressing the small people with only summer clothes makes it a little tricky. Luckily it's usually pretty warm by the afternoon so nobody seems to mind, but I'm sure I'm getting some judge-y side eye up at the school dressing my kids in shorts.

Sam had his school concert on Friday and we almost didn't attend due to nap schedule and mental breakdowns and whatnot. But luckily we ended up being able to go and take this blurry selfie. I tried filming as much as I could for Steve but my phone kept running out of room. After rewatching most of the songs I recorded though, I realized that they were all basically the same song and he wasn't missing much. I did happen to capture the moment Sam found us in the bleachers and I think my heart swells every time I watch it.

That afternoon we headed out to Monica's house. Their go kart was fixed up and ready to roll. The kids were beyond excited. Two seats were not going to stop them from all piling in either.

I wanted to toss Will on someone's lap but he freaked out on a quick ranger ride last weekend so I didn't want him to ruin their fun with a bunch of screaming. He was content to toddle around the fields.

Saturday was the day I actually snapped. Monica offered to let the kids come hang out at her house while Will napped and I gladly accepted. The weather being cold and rainy and the kids being stuck inside while I was researching the stoopidest adultiest things was making me insane. They ended up spending the night because Monica apparently doesn't mind having six kids and spoiling them rotten. Leaving without kidnapping her is going to be really hard for me.

a blonde Molly (Monica's hair)

Meanwhile, I eventually reached a decision about washers and dryers and area rugs. I really do not enjoy the pressure of picking things like that- things that cost a lot of money and that we will have to live with for a long time because what if I choose wrong??? I don't want to make the wrong decision. And that is kinda crippling. And all of these houses are carpeted. EVERYWHERE. Not just any carpet but ugly beige carpet. Steve walked through a house with me on facetime one day and I made a comment about there being carpet in the dining room. The housing lady piped in- "Oh don't worry! It's brand new and clean!" Yeah, well, number one, that is STOOPID on y'all because it'd be much cheaper and easier to just install laminate flooring ONCE than to pay to put new carpet in (or even clean it!) every time someone moves out, and also I don't care that it's clean IT'S A DINING ROOM AND MY KIDS WILL DESTROY IT INSTANTLY. So while imagining the cost of carpet cleaning upon move-out (yes, we haven't even moved in and I am freaking out about moving out), I went to work researching what sort of area rug will work best. It needed to

• not be hideous, but also hide the zillions of food splatters it's bound to take, 
• while also not tripping up the kids' chairs as they scoot in and out from the table (hello head injuries!), 
• and it can't be too expensive either as I will likely be throwing it away as soon as we move out (because gross dining room carpet).

For shits and giggles, I googled to see what the largest size office chair mat was.

Ironically enough, two of these set side by side would be the exact dimensions of the dining room. And cheaper than any rug. And easy to clean. But also, extremely hideous. And what would I even do with these once we moved out? I really hate one trick ponies and that's most likely what these would be. Unless we have the unfortunate luck of getting another house with a carpeted dining room. Which, please. No. Also, the reviews were either glowing, or terrible. And the terrible ones seemed to far outweigh the glowing ones. So I decided to go with the rug I originally had in my shopping cart.

Also hideous, but cheap enough that I won't have any issue chucking it as soon as we move. (We have an entry rug similar to this that has held up to a massive load of dirt/snow/mud over the past two years, so I feel like this will do a similar job.) Bonus: found a walmart gift card in my wallet with $48 on it so it cut the price in half! Huzzah!

Will continued to be his usual delightful self most of Sunday morning.

Totally sent those to Steve in a "don't you miss us? SOAK UP THAT QUIET WHILE YOU CAN, BOY" kind of way. I was very very happy to eventually get Will down for a nap. Then we went out to Monica's house to retrieve the big kids and they proceeded to tag team the crazy until bedtime.

Will got a head start on the crazy this morning by squawking at 5am until I got him out of bed. Had to wake Sam up to catch the bus, and Molly slept in til 8:30ish. I don't know the time for sure because by that point I had fallen asleep sitting fully upright in a chair watching the 200th episode of Baby Einstein. When I came to, she was sitting next to me. For some reason, I am worn out. ALL THE TIME. No matter how early I go to bed, I can't seem to catch up on sleep. Maybe it's because someone likes waking up at 5am or maybe it's from being pregnant or stressed out or solo parenting with no end in sight - I DON'T KNOW. I do know that

1. I fcking hate it.
2. I'm so over being pregnant. I'm either gagging on acid or literally being assaulted from the inside out and I just want this to be over with. Even the upcoming (further) sleep deprivation looks slightly more desirable than this. (Only because there is wine on that side.)
3. My only Christmas/birthday/wish chip wish for the rest of my life is to just have one week where I can sleep as much as I want, not share any of my food with a child who is only going to spit the shared food out onto the floor, and a million dollars. That's it. I really don't feel like I'm asking for much. But my children, and whoever rigs the lottery, seem to think I am. 

Anyways, with that being said, naptime is over and I'm off to pretend like I give a crap about packing the house or washing diapers or making something besides a frozen pizza for dinner. (Spoiler: I don't.)