No shit November

Hiya friends,
Just finishing up Hell Week here aka nine straight days of fall "break." I don't ever remember getting that much time off as a child but the memory is a funny thing. Like I'm choosing to forget that Christmas break is twice as long as fall break. LALALALALALALALA We will cross that bridge when we come to it!!

We had a decent Thanksgiving. We had some plans with visiting friends fall through so we found ourselves on Thanksgiving with nothing to do. No turkey and no expectations. I'll admit, I was really bummed our friends couldn't make it. I was also really excited to not have the pressure of cooking and cleaning and wrangling kids. We were invited to a few friends' houses for a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, but we opted out. My kids are heathens that might not even try a roll and I didn't want to deal with the headache of them being picky and obnoxious at someone else's house. So we didn't go anywhere. We watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade on tv that morning, facetimed with Steve, had lunch and put the small ones to bed, then played outside til dark.

Gahhhhh I miss this man!

Quite possibly my favorite onesie ever

It was then that I fired up the ol' electric oven and boiled some turkey dogs and cooked some oven fries. I dumped sweet potato chips in a casserole dish and sprinkled with marshmallows that were dangerously close to expiring. Rounded out the meal with some strawberry jello (that I poured into a can to give the look of cranberry sauce), snap pea crisps, and some rice krispy turkey legs/wings, and the kids thought it was fabulous. Some did not appreciate the jello so much (Will, my carpet) but everyone went nuts over the hot dogs so mission accomplished. I also had Thanksgiving paper plates! So clean up for Thanksgiving was at an all time low.

Meanwhile, both of my next door neighbors brought me plates (and plates and bowls and plates) of traditional Thanksgiving food, and another friend dropped off more turkey, and spaghetti with meatballs. To say I was taken care of on Thanksgiving would be an understatement. We watched Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving before heading up to bed and all in all it was an easy day. I enjoy doing our own thing every now and again for holidays. It's so much fun to not be tied down to any certain tradition or expectation. I won't lie though- I'm looking forward to celebrating the old fashioned way with Steve next year. And my corn casserole. I really love corn casserole. (Paula Deen is my spirit animal, yo!)

The day after Thanksgiving I lugged all four of our fall decorations out to the tub I keep them in in the garage, and started unloading Christmas decorations. I put up our sad little Korea tree and Will thinks it's the greatest thing he's ever seen. Luckily it's the only tree he's ever really seen so his expectations are set depressingly low. Ha! He loves it though and is enamored with the lights. Sam is concerned that it's a touch too little to fit presents under. Between the Little People nativity set and the tote full of Christmas books (omg yes an ENTIRE TOTE), the kids are mildly entertained when we're inside. I try to keep us outside though, because it's the most wonderful time of the year in Louisiana- we can sit outside, not sweat, and also not get carried away by mosquitoes and flies. I love it. Doesn't put me completely in the Christmas spirit but whatever. I'll take less Christmas spirit if it means more of this weather.

Not pictured: more kids, more toys

I asked the kids what they'd like for Christmas this year. Since we don't have cable, and we don't wander toy aisles at the store, they have no clue what is out there and thus, no clue what to ask for. Sam finally gave up and said, "surprise me." Molly agreed that she would like to be surprised too. I've tried paying extra close attention to the things they are gravitating towards and settled on getting Sam and Molly scooters. Will is getting a Radio Flyer metal wagon. Hank is getting some bibs and whatever other random baby stuff he might need that isn't being passed down to him due to his older siblings destroying it. I'm still trying to find some random gifts for Will to open on his birthday (December 26), so if you know of anything fun for a 2yo (preferably a toy that can be played with outside), send me your suggestions! Santa will bring them all new chalk and bubbles in their stockings. What am I missing?

Oh my birthday happened! I was expecting it to be a regular day, truly. But man my friends and family really went above and beyond in making me feel extremely special that day! Cards and gifts and flowers and boxes of goodies- I was spoiled! And felt so loved. It was a really good one, and I didn't think I would get to say that.

31: need eye bag filter

I took the kids to the zoo over fall "break". Prior to this I had only ever taken them to Petsmart and told them it was the zoo, so this was huge for me. The zoo closest to us is small and everyone says nice things about it, so I thought, what the heck, and we went. I might have also been motivated by a CFA lunch. I won't lie. The zoo was actually very nice. It was cool the day we went and the kids wore their jackets most of the time we were there. It was hilarious to see some native Louisianians decked out with hats and gloves and puffer jackets though. Fifty degrees is no joke, y'all. Bone-chillin' cold. Sam was enamored with the amount of bamboo in the zoo, Molly wanted to ride the train when are we going to ride the train is it time to ride the train yet when can we walk back to the train I am so tired is it train time yet, Will loved pretending he saw everything that Sam saw. In reality I don't even know that he saw the giant lion that walked up to the glass when he was next to it, but he really acted like he had a ball there. Stroller freedom is his jam. Hank was peeved that I made him sit in the stroller instead of being toted around like the royal prince that he is. We made it onto a train ride and then headed for Chick fil A along with 400,000 other people from the tri-county area. We had to circle the building twice before we were allowed in the official drive thru line. The guy directing traffic deserves a raise! We finally made it through and the hangry people were satisfied. 3/4 of them slept a bit on the way home and once we got there we just kept the party going and stayed outside to play. Kids slept good that night!

Last weekend was my unofficial (but pretty official) last weekend of church. Getting all the kids ready to go, then getting there on time just spend the entire mass chasing Will and pacify Hank only makes me irate. And I don't think that's what Jesus wants. So I'm keeping the kids in Sunday School and AWANA on Wednesday nights and calling it good. I can't handle church with no childcare for Will. This past weekend we spent a lot of time pacing the foyer in the back of the church. He finally acted ready to go sit back down so we rejoined Sam and Molly in the pew. Will scooted to the other end of the pew and then looked at me like he was ready to run. Since he always runs to the back foyer I told Sam not to grab him (and risk having him scream), I would just meet him back there and we'd keep walking. But instead of going to the back foyer, Will bolted to the front of the church. So he's running on the perimeter of the pews and I'm running up the center aisle with 20lb Hank in my arms trying to cut him off but he's so flippin fast that he made a mad dash across the alter and then darted into the hallway that leads towards the classrooms and parish hall. At that point I was completely over it. OVER IT. Everyone at church knows us so I wasn't embarrassed at all, I was just mad. Mad! Cancelling childcare during a deployment??! Who does that?! Saying you don't mind hearing children in church??? Ok??? And??? What about the parents who don't have to worry about the noise so much as the movement? I don't have enough arms to hold Hank and chase Will and I guess I'll just leave my eyeballs on the pew to watch Sam and Molly and while I'm at it I'll leave my ears too because then I'd have a slight chance of hearing some part of mass. BLUGH. Anyway. I know that's whiny. I'm sorry. I'm just irritated. I want to take my children to church. But not so much at the sake of my thin tiny shred of sanity.

Doesn't Will look extra naughty here?? He knows he's bad but he also knows he's cute.

I thought about creating an Advent calendar for us to complete circa Christmas 2012 but then I realized that I can barely handle macaroni and cheese night without losing my shit so maybe it would be best to just focus on surviving. We can Pinterest it up some other year. I do have Christmas pj's washed and ready to go for St Nick Day, and all Christmas presents ordered. Thank you Lord for Amazon Prime. My life is better because of it. If only I could live-stream mass from it or order a babysitter off of it, I'd be set. Amen.

31

Anybody still out there? I'll be honest in that I haven't read a blog since before Hank was born. Here I was thinking I'd stockpile all these posts for some late night reading and then I ended up scrolling instagram or falling asleep with a pump strapped to me. All that to say I'm not sure if anyone still reads blogs anymore or if that's just me (not reading blogs anymore).

Everyone is still chugging along here. Life is crazy busy and chaotic. Moreso than I ever anticipated. When I was growing up, all I ever wanted out of life was to be was a mom. My mom modeled motherhood perfectly and effortlessly (or so it seemed to me) and I wanted the same thing for myself. When I played house, I imagined babies but also taking older children to their sports practices and on errands and it was so fun! I can't wait til I can do this for real! Well now it's for real. (Shit's really real, yo!) I have kids in extracurriculars and I have babies who need bottles and diapers. It's literally everything I ever dreamed of. My Prince Charming isn't in the picture as much as I'd like him to be (deployments aren't as romantic as homecomings) but I'm more in love with him than ever before. So by my definition of success as a 7 year old, I have achieved it. I have it all. Living the dream. I'm trying really hard to remember my 7 year old dreams. Because man this is hard. So so hard. There is not enough of me to go around. Not enough lap space, arms, patience, sleep, or one-on-one time with each child. Some days this feels like a prison sentence (especially when everyone is pooping and puking simultaneously) but most days I really do feel like I'm living a dream. How on earth did I end up with four beautiful healthy children? I have a husband that loves me? (Where? lol) Friends that encourage me no matter how insane I must sound to them. Life is so good. And I'm trying my hardest to remember that.

The last five years have been nuts. I was trying to remember the last time things were sorta calm and relatively normal. And it was in 2012. We had just had Molly and then all hell broke loose. Jk jk jk.... sorta..... But in all seriousness, after she was born, Steve's unit started talking of a deployment. He was told he'd be on Rear D. They transferred him to a different unit last minute and boom- you're going on the deployment. We had a couple weeks to get everything ready for that. So in the fall of 2012, he left for Afghanistan and ever since it's been one wild ride. While he was still in Afghanistan we agreed that he would volunteer for Korea. Came back, declined block leave, packed up, flew to Korea. Two years in Korea that were two of our best and most favorite years as a family (but also the hardest on Steve career-wise), and then he got out. We moved to PA and renovated a house. Steve job searched and had the worst luck ever. Will was born. He finally got the job offer in NYC and we moved again. We lived in a tiny apartment above our sweet landlords. Steve did not enjoy working with the Reserves. He was in active duty mindset still and the Reserves just don't work the same. So we decided we'd move to MN to settle down in the country and get an active duty job with our friends in the National Guard. But the jobs there never panned out (for a multitude of reasons) and we came to a crossroads of needing to figure shit out ASAP because HELLO! PREGNANT AGAIN! Army-wise he had to decide what was going to be best long-term and it was decided that he'd go back on active duty, but enlisted. That process was possibly the most stressful and mentally draining time of our lives so far. And I'm including months of unemployment in that time frame. Nothing was as back-and-forth as trying to get back into the Army. Once he got in, they sent him to the wrong unit and we had to wait six weeks for them to fix their mistake so we could move down to LA. We finally moved and got settled and then I had Hank. Once again, Steve was told he'd be on Rear D for this deployment. Once again, he was given about two weeks' notice to leave. And here we are. About two and a half months into this deployment and in between buying diapers and burping a baby, I drive one to football practice and another to dance. Every day is go go go go go from the minute I open my eyes until I fall face first into bed that night. I don't know when the slow down period is coming but cheese and crackers I hope it's sometime soon. I am exhausted. I can feel it behind my eyes and in my bones. I haven't picked up my real camera in ages. I haven't done anything creative (short of sending funny snaps with ugly filters to my friends). The only things I'm consistent at are feeding my kids, bathing my kids, and lowering every standard I've ever held. Y'all, I can even drink wine anymore. Everyone jokingly (or seriously?) tells me to just have a glass of wine and relax. But I can't! I can't. I have every minute of my kid-free time (when they're in bed) planned out and if I don't get something done while they're sleeping, then I just have to do it the next day. When they're awake. When it's harder. The task doesn't disappear because I skipped it. And I know people know that. But the other side of wine is that it makes me tired. And I think I might have mentioned before that I am already somewhat exhausted. So to drink something that's going to exacerbate that feeling holds no appeal to me whatsoever. I love wine. I really do. We're just on a break right now. We will get back together soon. Hopefully. I just can't do life any more tired than I am right now.

My 31st birthday is tomorrow. We aren't celebrating and I probably won't even remind the kids. Sam has football practice in the evening and we will eat plenty of desserts and treats next week during Thanksgiving break. Maybe I will finally order myself some clothes that aren't maternity. Maybe that phase of life is done. (I know I've said that before during a deployment.... Y'all, I can't resist that man) Most of my 31st year will be spent solo parenting this wild bunch of monkeys so I'm not setting any goals for myself other than "survive" but I'm hopeful that 32 will provide some sort of break. A cool down period. Maybe some sleep. I'm thankful and hopeful and loving the chaos that 31 trips around the sun has brought me. Have a drink for me!