A whoooooooole lotta random

Weekend highlights:

•  It was rainy and gross outside and we didn't go exploring outdoors too much. 
• Steve and I did sneak in a date on Saturday and had an "Italian" lunch (Steve is Italian, therefore, I am Italian by association, which means we have a loose concept of what Italian food is and we did not eat Italian food at this Italian buffet)

I cannot tell a lie about this food. It was very yummy. And I got seconds. And dessert.

• We did a little exploratory driving on Sunday and ended up getting lost, but finding a pretty sweet kids cafe to help our two burn off some energy. Then I ate a bulgogi burger from McDonalds, so food-wise, that tells you that this weekend was an overall raging success.

Since my weekend recap leaves much to be desired, I figured I would beef up this post a bit and answer Lauren's questions from her Liebster award she nominated me for about, oh, say, a month ago. (I am nothing if not timely.) Also, Alex tagged me in a squirrel award and I don't know if people are just starting to make these things up now or what, but thank you for the extra material.

1. If you could have dinner with any famous human, who would it be? (explain, you know you want to anyway)
Although I am not a fan of famous people in general, I would eat dinner with pre-diabetes Paula Deen. Only because it seems we both love to eat, and dinner is probably a big deal for her, so I want in on that.
 

2. Be realistic, where do you see yourself in a few years? (a few could be 2, 10, 20, whatever)

In a few years, we won't be living in Korea anymore. I will most likely be done changing diapers (if there is a God- don't let Molly be in diapers at 4 years of age!). I will still be signing up to bring paper plates and juice boxes to any and every school function (because Sam will be in real school by then! Gah!). I really don't have any... goals. Is that sad? I wanna arrive in the future with my sanity in tact. That's my goal. It's a daily goal actually, but that's where I hope to be in a few years.

3. What is the one thing that can instantly make you happy, like turn your whole day around?

Usually, a babysitter. That sounds absolutely horrible, I know, but I really do love being able to do things on my own. I love thinking my own thoughts! Peeing in peace! Eating a meal without hiding behind the kitchen counter! I also love coming back to my kids after a few hours away. Distance DOES make the heart grow fonder, and taking time for yourself doesn't make you a bad mom, no matter what Pinterest and its savor-every-moment mantra might lead you to believe.

4. What is the news headline you’re following most closely lately?

I'm not... I have a mostly "ignorance is bliss" philosophy about the news. Ignorant? Yes. Blissful? Also yes.

5. If the concept of a bank account/bills didn’t exist, what would you buy yourself?

A brand new camera with every lens you could dream of and a gorgeous Epiphanie bag (this one, in case you have deep pockets and are wondering what to buy me for my birthday) to put it all in.

6. Chocolate, vanilla, or twist?

I think we all know my answer to this. CHOCOLATE. Why waste calories on anything else? (This might be copyrighted as my official motto soon.)

7. How do you relax? Share your favorite tip…

What does that mean? I don't understand the question.

8. Tell me three things you love about being you. (no skimping, THREE!)

(1) I can usually get away with sleeping on my wet hair at night and having it come out semi-presentable the next morning. (The one advantage of curly hair)

(2) When I drink a lot of wine, I sing better, I'm funnier, and I'm never self-conscious. (I should drink all the time, yes?)

(3) I really lucked out in the husband department, I still can't believe I get to hang out with him forever.

9. White or Red wine?  Or is liquor quicker?

Whatever is available. I am not going to be your hard-to-please guest. If you're offering, then yes.

10. What makes you feel most accomplished, or what do you feel has been your biggest accomplishment so far?

I feel like I am fixin to list a mom-accomplishment (a "momplishment" if you will) here, which makes me feel a bit like a loser. Not that being a mom makes me a loser, I just kinda don't want it to be the only label I have. Although knowing that Molly chubbed out like this thanks to my boob juice alone makes me feel like a bit of a rockstar.

Yeah she did

That picture above was from September 12, 2012. The picture below is from September 19, 2013.

She can't hide her emotions.

SAME. PANTS. Which are actually capris. But for short, chubby people, they are pants. (Also worthy of note- wearing 2T capris (as pants) at 6 months of age. SHE WAS THE CUTEST MICHELIN-MAN BABY THERE EVER WAS.)

11. What inspired you to start blogging?

Boredom, I think. My first post was mostly me complaining about how much Sam wasn't sleeping. What a way to open a blog, huh? "My baby won't sleep, but please keep reading this whiny drivel and maybe I'll actually talk about something interesting one day." (You: still waiting for something interesting.)

But look how tiny Sam was in January of 2011!

And look at the man-child he has become!

He grew hair and overcame the baby acne. Still sportin' a cheesy cheese though. Atta boy.

 

And 7 random facts about myself?

1. I just ate some raw cookie dough (while I hid behind the kitchen counter, of course).

2. I fold clothes very sloppily. I think Steve used to work at A&F because the lackadaisical way in which I fold clothes makes him a bit stabby.

3. I loathe Doctor Seuss books.

4. Related to #3- I have no imagination.

5. I will only watch a movie if it's a comedy. And only if said comedy has no violence or gross scenes that involve blood spurting in any way or a limb twisted unnaturally. (We don't watch many movies. Or any tv. We are so very exciting.)

6. Inside I am a 7th grader and find farting really hilarious. So much so that my kids will fart, then clap for themselves, and then laugh. (But in front of them, I call it a "toot." Sounds much daintier and less disgusting that way, yes?)
7. I pray daily for my mattress's safety on the tugboat being pulled by snails. I am going to do my best not to make out with the person that hoists it inside my kitchen window. Because with the language barrier, that might get a little awkward.

I'm cramming last weekend's photos into one post because it's about to be this weekend and I'm so behind shut up shut up I know

This past weekend, we decided to do a little exploratory driving. Mostly because we are still in the honeymoon phase of being reunited with our car, but also because we sorta wanted to see how far north we could go until we had to turn around. Turns out, we can drive for quite a while. We never even made it to North Korea. (Not that that was our goal or anything..) Anyways, the first day we drove (Friday- it was a 3-day! Holla!), we just came upon a stream and a walking/bike path and mountains and WILDFLOWERS FOR DAYSSSS. So naturally we parked the ol' family wagon on the side of a highway and got out to let the kids run.

They tell me it's fall here??

The fact that he is smiling and looking at the camera is a miracle. Also, I might have made fart noises to achieve this.

Time to go....

And this is Korea! Sometimes less hazy, sometimes more.

Missing nap is not an option...

Are you as (visually) exhausted as Molly? Go get some more chocolate and come back to see where we went on Sunday.

Ready? We went to a waterfall. Jaein Falls, although I can't find any evidence of its existence on Google minus one Flickr image. So we set out down the weirdest, windiest, work-in-progress road we've ever traveled on and finally came to this waterfall. It was gorgeous.

Oh, you know, just the side of the road.

You would think this is sweet sibling affection, but Molly let out a pterodactyl screech at the fact that he was TOUCHING HER HAND OMG.

Little glass observatory deck to see the waterfall

It's a beaut!

Down the stairs, trying not to puke my guts or fall over the side.

The observation deck from below. Looks TOTALLY SAFE, right???

Apparently my phone takes panoramic photos, but this one did not turn out so hot. And those people stood in that exact spot for DAYS I TELL YOU.

Crappy photo, but look how excited he is to throw rocks!

Sam had quite the audience/cheerleading section while lopping rocks in the water. Dude with the purse? I don't even know.

Koreans stack rocks for good luck and it's mighty impressive.

Steve attempted to stack some rocks. And then Sam knocked them down. I'm sure that will only add to our good luck in this country.

Back up the eleventy billion stairs.....

See? I wasn't exaggerating. Eleventy. Billion. Count 'em if you don't believe me.

Tired from being carried all the time? Or whining nonstop? She doesn't speak English yet (only pterodactyl) so I guess we'll never know.

And that, friends, was our weekend. Throw in some bulgogi pizza for dinner and it was a winner for sure. Who knows where we'll end up this weekend!

In case you were wondering about our trash situation

I've had a few people ask me what we do with our trash over here, so I thought I'd give you a rundown of this insanity. Because I'm sure you've been on tenterhooks waiting for the documentation of this process.

First of all, Koreans are really into recycling. I used to think I was into recycling, separating things into bins and feeling so green when I turned it all in to the recycle center, but that seems like nothing compared to this place. Now it is quite the production. Let me walk you through it. (And please excuse the craptastic phone photos. I have to live at this place for another 2 years; I don't want the guards knowing how crazy I am just yet, so I tried to be stealthy and pretend I was maybe checking the weather, or a text, instead of photographing TRASH PILES. And can you imagine if I tried to explain to one of these Korean guards that I was documenting the garbage disposal process for the blog?!)

First, we load all the recyclables up into the trusty ol' wagon. I strap Molly to my back (can't have anyone wandering over to the playground...) and put Sam's shoes on (but usually in the reverse order, because hello, center of gravity = gone with Molly back there), then we ride the elevator down.

So.... yeah we had bulgogi pizza this weekend.... maybe twice. You can judge me. It was delicious. I don't regret it.

We head over to the recycling/trash area.

I really wish I'd gotten a picture a few days ago because the cardboard mountain was much more impressive. And the guards throw a big tarp over their creation when it rains so that it doesn't wilt. Because really. Who wants floppy cardboard?

We park the wagon and begin unloading our things.

This is the main recycle sorting area. The one bag that's translated is the one I could figure out on my own. But the sorting goes as follows (to my extremely limited knowledge):

bags on the ends - plastic grocery bags and random plastic
L to R top - plastic packaging and other plastic I don't know where to put, plastic bottles, A MILK CARTON (dur!), cans and metals
L to R bottom - glass beer bottles, other glass bottles (where I sometimes see beer bottles mixed in?), soju bottles (and some beer bottles??), and yogurt cups

I'm sure that's not at all where things go, and I'm sure the guards start cursing in Korean every time they see me and my wagon headed towards them with our load of crap, but that is where I go about putting my things. On the back side of this sorting area is where you leave your actual garbage, in special bags that you must BUY from your realtor. I understand that we buy garbage bags at Walmart or wherever, but you can't just stick your garbage out in any ol' bag. It must be this special city bag. A bag I forgot to take a picture of. Mostly because I was only hauling recyclables today. Oh well. Take my word for it, they are special. And they are large. And one of my kids usually takes the stinkiest poop of their life right after we take this giant bag down to the trash pile. Because of course.

Side note: the guards go through people's trash and sort the recyclables they find in there. I kid you not. This man went through an entire bag with a pair of tongs while we were down there.

Aggie, I asked about those chairs. I know they look pretty sweet from here. I even went so far as to ask the guard in a sign language of sorts if they were trash. He said yes and I almost loaded up the wagon. But the seats are completely ripped. I don't think it's even real leather. Rest assured that I didn't just leave these potential beauties on the street without checking them out.

Also, I don't know what is in those giant bags stacked up behind there.

And these beauts in the background are food waste cans. I think they compact it all down and help to minimize on smell, since our regular garbage bags just sit out on the street until the truck comes to get them. You are issued this special little card and you take your rotting food scraps down to this container, scan your card, and the lid pops open! You throw your moldy, gnat-infested food into the can and then shut the lid! Voila! Oh, but wait! The fun doesn't stop there! Since you scanned your unique card, the trash cans track how much weight in food waste you have deposited. Then they charge you for it monthly! Now if that's not an incentive to keep your rotting, smelly food sitting out on your kitchen counter, I don't know what is.

A close-up of the food waste machine

Maybe I sometimes forget to separate my food waste from my garbage. Maybe. Sometimes.

(Side note: There are also no garbage disposals here. This is... problematic for me to say the least. We will probably do a whole 'nother post on that later.)

And that, my friends, is how you take out the trash, Korean-style. It sounds very involved, and it kind of is until you get used to it, but it's just another quirk of living in a foreign country. And it's not a BAD thing by any stretch of the imagination (recycling, that is). It's just sometimes inconvenient. And always gross.

That time we went on a date and saw ALL THE THINGS (and photographed them too)

You might remember that our ridiculously horrible bad luck streak took a quick break recently and we found a babysitter. Well friends, said babysitter watched our children so Steve and I could go on a date. (!!!) A day date of course, because on the inside we are 85 and start yawning at approximately 7:25pm, if not sooner. (If there has been wine, definitely sooner.) So where did we go?

Say it with me now: WEE-jong-boo. And even though we have our car, that doesn't mean we know where we're going or how to drive through the insanity, so we stuck with the train. There is minimal thinking involved when riding the train to Uijeongbu, and that's something I can really get behind.

We arrived at our destination (the Shinsegae Mall- a 10-story overwhelming metropolis of shopping) and made a beeline for the food. Because I can only dream about a restaurant called Mad For Garlic for so long until I need a bib for all the drooling.

Yes, that is a wreath made of garlic. Yes, I really want one for myself.

This restaurant.... y'all, I can't even form complete sentences about it I loved it so much. I want to go back and eat dinner there every night. Alas, it is... a bit pricy so we probably won't do that. Also, I can't see myself making too many friends with garlic breath that intense. (Unless they are garlic lovers too? And then maybe I will have someone to go eat with there? Yes?)

We got a combo where we got two 'ades (we chose a lemonade and a wine-ade : uhhhhhhmazing!), the Dracula Killer (garlic cooked in olive oil with anchovies and cheese on top served with bread, because duh, you need something to get it into your gaping maw), ham and sausage pizza (giving new meaning to thin crust (like notebook paper) and complimented by a white creamy sauce), and Iberico pork steak and rice (I would eat this a thousand times over. A THOUSAND. The steak was soaked in garlic butter! Muah! I AM SO HUNGRY NOW.) It did not take us long to make this meal disappear.

This picture makes me sad.

Anyways, if you love garlic, get ye to a Mad For Garlic restaurant. Google tells me they are only in Asia. But you were probably planning a visit to see me anyway, so we can just add this to the itinerary.

Yes, a garlic chandelier. Lauren Jean-Allece Morton-Farmer (this is how you know I'm serious, when I use your fuller than full name), get your garlic-lovin' butt on a Korean Air flight STAT!

After eating lunch, we made a pit stop at the restrooms because hello, I just drank two glasses of water and some 'ades. I never know what to expect with Korean restrooms. Community toilet paper roll? Squatty potty? Fancy toilet with an ass warmer? You just NEVER KNOW. So I went in with caution (but not so much caution that I remembered to bring my own roll of toilet paper). Luckily it was like the rest of that mall. TOTAL LUXURY. I wanted to take pictures so badly, but there were approximately twelve other ladies in there and also a cleaning lady who showed me to my seat (ahem), but not before going in first and making sure the toilet was thoroughly wiped down and clean. I cannot complain about the service around here. Anyways, I only snapped one quick picture with my cell phone on the way out. (Excuse that face.) But maybe you can tell that the ceilings are high, and maybe you will believe me when I tell you that it was solid stone everything and tiled to the ceiling and giant mirrors and a special sitting room that was semi-private and overall I kinda just wanna hang out in the bathroom if I ever get tired of shopping.

Cannot remember toilet paper, but yes Jenn, by all means, take the camera.

We wandered around the mall for a while, but to be honest, we just aren't great shoppers. We are kind of cheap. And when Steve pointed out a tie ("Ha! Look! Auburn colors!") and the sales lady flipped it over to reveal a 109,000 ₩ price tag? We realized we are just meant to be browsers at this place. (109,000 ₩ is about $100 American. For a TIE.) 

The Koreans love a good handbag.

I of course went down to check and make sure they weren't giving them away for free, but apparently there was just a huge demand for bright blue purses.

Steve and I wandered further back into the mall and not only was there a fresh food market, but there were just aisles and aisles of mini bakery/coffee shops parked in the middle of the mall. Not like an American food court where the restaurants border the perimeter with tables in the middle, but just little cafes throughout with their own tiny seating areas.

I apologize if you are on a diet.

Love how they spell "pecan."

Don't even know what any of that is, but I'd eat it. I'd eat it right now.

Cakes for dayssssss.....

Cupcakes too!

Naturally we got one. (You: duh!)

Steve got the tiniest, most perfect macchiato.

Then we headed to the underground mall. Because once you go on escalators to the sky towards retail heaven, you naturally need to go underground where they are selling reasonably-priced items.

Y'all know I got that orange and blue scarf. And one of its friends. For $5 each. Huzzah!

Steve wanted some hipster glasses so he could fit in, but...... no.

After we came above ground, we went through the outdoor shopping area. We took a few turns and BAM. Full-on Korean market. It was packed to the gills with produce stands, grocery stands, random sit-down food stands, embroidery stands, and just a couple thousand Koreans. (It was so crowded.) And the smells! Ohmuhgawd the smells. God bless any pregnant lady in Korea. You smell a new smell every two feet. Some pleasant, some you can't help but crinkle up your nose.

eggs - food stand - beginning of the market - hanbok outfits - eggplants

not grapes, and not sure - crab covered in a very spicy sauce - crabs with spicy peppers to maybe give you an idea as to what you should cook them with - pickles? being showered with vinegar? There is a considerable language barrier so this prevents me from asking all of my stupid questions.

So many dead fish omg. And these little old ladies with these serial killer meat cleavers were just ripping fish guts apart for an audience like nobody's business.

fruit - pastries - swarms of people

We had to go back underground to get back over to the mall/train station. Since we can't read Korean, we usually go up a few sets of steps that do not lead to the correct exit (just workin' off some lunch!), but we finally found it. (Only took us three tries.)

Gotta love a man that will tote around your pink Hello Kitty bag full of scarves and then strike a Rocky pose while leery Koreans give him the side eye.

Can you see the tears in my eyes?? We were headed home. MAKE IT LAST FOREVER PLEASE GOD DON'T MAKE ME GO HOME. Oh well, at least I get to take this hunk of handsome with me.