Week three - stick a fork in me

Normally, when Steve is away for Army-related duties, things start out kinda rocky. Like I can almost always expect someone to throw up or get injured doing something seemingly normal. But then it evens out and we find our groove and while we still miss him and feel the void, we are not army-crawling along Lt Dan-style trying to just BARELY SURVIVE. But week three was a lot of that- barely surviving. We had our high points too, but good lord I am ready for the high points to vastly outnumber the amount of times I want to lock myself in the bathroom with a tub of peanut butter. (For the record, we are about 40% through our last tub of peanut butter right now. I will admit that I am pretty much the only person in the house that eats the peanut butter but that fact is irrelevant. I am so optimistic that this timeline will somehow pull through that I did not purchase anymore peanut butter the last time I was at Costco. If you know me and the way I like to never be without peanut butter, this speaks volumes.)

Luckily for y'all, my memory is absolutely terrible and if I don't take a picture, then it never happened, and also, I don't tend to take pictures of the times my kid blew out his diaper or tossed all his meatballs on the floor, so we might be in for more highlights than lowlights here, judging by the photos.

Last Sunday afternoon, we headed out to Rick and Monica's house to check out Rick's new toy.

This was exciting in and of itself, but what he attached to it really got the kids going.

Just good, clean fun.

And a little target practice.

Don't worry, they didn't actually shoot them; they were too busy playing with the snakes to worry with guns.

Monday morning came and the big kids were off to school. Hallelujah, praise the Lord. Time to relax.

Just kidding, I had an OB appointment in Fargo.

I chased Will all over the waiting room before realizing that he had poop creeping up his back. Luckily doctors are never on time, so we had plenty of time to change that and wait some more before being called back! It was a quick visit, nothing out of the ordinary. I haven't been to my last two appointments and thought maybe I was missing something. Kinda felt guilty. Besides a TDAP shot, I wasn't missing anything apparently. I am told the appointments are now once every two weeks but I just have this crazy feeling that I won't be attending all of that.

Willie and I stopped for a Subway picnic car lunch on the way home while we watched traffic and looked at tractors.

The big kids arrived home too soon after we did.

Tuesday morning, Sam complained that his stomach hurt. I asked him if he needed to stay home from school or if he was just tired? We had been vom-free for well over a day so I assumed he was just hungry for breakfast. About midway through the morning, we heard the house phone ring, a sound that absolutely makes my stomach drop down to my toes. The only real calls we ever get on that phone are from the school. And sure enough, it was the secretary. Sam had puked. Loaded everyone up and drove to school to grab Sam. He seemed very NOT sick as he skipped out of the office and even the secretary remarked that he seemed completely better! ("Yes! He does! And since he has such good trash can aim, can I just leave him here?") <-- kidding (sort of)

He came home and displayed absolutely zero signs of sickness. At one point the house was eerily quiet and I went into the living room where he had previously been playing cars with Will, only to find Will alone. Sam was outside in his pajamas and tennis shoes, chasing Molly around the house. Heavenly healed.

The next morning, his divine healing had been reversed and he was back to throwing up again. But it was a Wednesday, so tiny Molly walked herself to the bus stop, looking extra tiny all by herself.

I forced Sam to lie in bed all day, sick or not. YOU MUST GO BACK TO SCHOOL.  We had a crazy thunderstorm that afternoon, accompanied by hail!

Naturally it woke Will up from his nap. We had to run to the bus stop to rescue Molly, who came back from school looking a little different than when she left.

those were the days

We ended up having meatballs for dinner that night, a decision I always regret on a night that I was not previously planning on giving baths. Meatballs and yogurt make that inevitable though.

I do recall bath and bedtime Wednesday evening being a COMPLETE cluster. I bathed Will first (for obvious reasons) and after he was dried and pajama'd, I started in on Molly. She takes forever in the shower thanks to all that gorgeous hair, and Sam was playing with Will. All of a sudden, as I'm rinsing Molly off, I hear Sam yell that Will is crawling through and playing with some of the dinner that he had tossed on the floor, specifically meatballs and yogurt. FML. But everyone was finally cleaned and teeth brushed and put to bed. Then I pretty much just collapsed until I fell asleep.

Thursday morning came and everyone was feeling 100%! YES! YAY! Sam even picked out his own outfit..

"These stars are there because I'm a soccer star." Exactly.

Will and I went walking with a friend and her kids before heading home to feed him lunch and nap. The big kids were home sooner after Will woke from his nap and we headed to the taco truck.

My kids aren't big taco eaters, so we just opted for an elephant ear.

Holy freaking yum

We all split one and still felt a little sick from all the sugar (but oh man it was delicious). After that, we walked on over to Monica's old house to bounce the sugar out on their trampoline. (They met us at the taco truck and came with.) Will waddled his way through a lot of mud and earned himself another bath. And since another bath was in his future, I went ahead and gave him meatballs and yogurt again for dinner. Why the hell not, right?

On Fridays, Molly doesn't have school, so we got Sam off to school and then headed down to Fargo for a few groceries and Carters. We stopped for lunch at Subway.

"Ham and cheeeeeeeese"

Can house a 6 inch sandwich like a boss, with room to spare for goldfish and applesauce

Then it was off to Target for refrigerated items (more yogurt MY GOD)

Will proceeded to give everyone in the store some version of this stink face.

We came home and attempted to go back over to the trampoline for more after school jumping. This involved waking Will up from his nap so he'd sleep later at bedtime (horrific) and changing his diaper before loading everyone up in the stroller and walking across town. When I got the stroller ready, I came back in to grab Will and thought, "whew, I gotta throw out that diaper trash! This warmer weather really makes it stink more than usual." (When I chuck diaper trash, it consists of tossing a Target bag of poop onto the front steps until I have time to take it around to the actual garbage can.) Once I got Will out of the stroller to put him inside the trampoline, I realized that the smell had followed us across town..... because Will had apparently waited until 40 seconds after I changed him into a fresh diaper to take a dump. Must have done it while I was outside getting the stroller out and ready. BECAUSE OF COURSE. He bounced nicely for about 10-15 minutes before he probably got nauseous from the stink and lost his mind. Sam and Molly were arguing about the stupidest things and I was sick of playing referee so I called it.

We walked all the way back home and I cooked dinner. We facetimed with Steve at dinner and then the weather was so nice that we all went back outside afterwards. Will was surveying the perimeter of our next door neighbor's fence and as he rounded the corner, I began to chase after him. As I am maybe six feet from him, I see him lose his balance and attempt to somehow grab onto the fence on his way down. Unfortunately, this was a terrible plan, as his face and arm took the brunt of the fall. (It's an old wooden fence.)

THAT'S IT. I DECLARE THIS DAY OVER.

Sam and Molly played outside while I bathed Will and then I called them inside to get their baths.

Them: Where are your pants?
Me: I'm done with pants today. I AM DONE.
Molly: I see yo cutey booty. *pinches my butt*
Sam: I'm not gonna wear pants either. *strips*
Will: I will take this opportunity to pour all of the water over the side of the tub and onto the floor. *splash*

And that brings us to my least favorite day of my solo parenting week- Saturday.

Saturday started off with a real bang at 1:30am when Sam came in my bedroom to let me know he'd thrown up. And he just kept on going for the rest of the night. He took a break at 3, but Molly accepted his tag team request and came in to let me know she was scared. I sleepily told her there was nothing to be scared of (except for me, of course) and that she should go back to sleep. She stood there and started whimpering/whining and I tossed her a pillow and told her to join Sam on the floor if she wasn't scared of being completely uncomfortable sleeping on the floor. At some point she made her way back upstairs, only for Sam to start barfing again. I got him settled back on the floor at 4:22 (I specifically remember looking at my phone and thinking "effffffffffffffffff") and when I was just about back to sleep, good ol' Willie decided to have a hankering for a banana. Except when I gave it to him, he was irate. He took a bite, threw it at me, and then was SO MAD that I was holding his banana. I give it back to him, lather, rinse, repeat. He finally finished it and I put him back to bed. Sam woke up to barf again and I got him settled again by 6:30. Will woke up at 7:15. He had pooped the contents of his entire digestive system and his diaper had NOT been up for the challenge! Yay I wanted to wash sheets anyway. I was so glad that I had prepped the coffee pot the night before-

-until the filter folded over on itself and I ended up chewing the coffee instead of sipping it. There are just some days you don't have enough curse words for, and by 8am on Saturday, I felt like I was already out. Sam continued throwing up, I attempted to make breakfasts and do laundry and pee every 46 seconds (hello, baby!). Molly would not give up on the idea of going to see the "flower field" I had mentioned the day before (when no one was barfing), so we eventually drove over there. Sam sat in the car ("sick people must rest!") and Molly picked flowers and Will toddled around like a free-range chicken. He absolutely loves walking, but only if he gets to decide where he's going. So I tend to love fenced-in areas or wide open spaces where there are no immediate dangers and he can roam where he pleases.

showing off her bouquet and her nails to Daddy

Not one to waste a car trip, I loaded everyone back up and drove to the next town. I knew I would not be assembling any sort of meaningful dinner that night, so we hightailed it to Subway. (I know, I know. But it's the only restaurant around.) I asked Sam a few times on the way over if he felt up to eating a sandwich. Normally a huge fan of the Subway sandwich, he weakly said no. I asked him a few more times just to be sure. Then once we arrived and were standing in line, I asked again. And once again, no. So I ordered sandwiches for the rest of us and we went back home. Later, when I pulled the sandwiches out for dinner- "Oh that looks delicious. I'll have one of those please." YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW.

Everyone was bathed and brushed and in bed at a normal hour Saturday night as I just "couldn't even" anymore by that point. And everyone slept through the night. HALLELUJAH PRAISE JESUS. We took it nice and slow Sunday morning- I got to talk to my mama on the phone and she told me all about my brother's wedding the day before, the kids played somewhat nicely together, and best of all, no barf. Willie took a nice sweaty afternoon nap and then we headed out to the country to play.

There is a creek right down the hill from Monica's house and the kids wanted to try and catch some minnows. Well it looks so close until you are lugging an almost 30lb baby on your pregnant hip and descending/ascending what appears to be a straight up cliff. We finally made it down there though and the kids had a blast- racing bark "boats", throwing rocks, catching minnows, and collecting ticks all over their milky white skin.

We eventually made our way back up the mountain and zipped all the kids up in the trampoline.

Got the dirty children home, dinner, tick removal (I HATE TICKS SO MUCH OMGAH) baths, and bed.

Sam woke up in the happiest mood this morning because he wasn't sick AND he was going to school! He loves school so much. Molly takes slightly more convincing to get out of bed, but Sam's enthusiasm is contagious! He had me smiling pre-coffee this morning- a rare and glorious accomplishment! I am showing the house this evening so I've been wiping toilets and baseboards and trying to rearrange boxes so that the house looks like a house and not a staged moving zone. Still waiting on orders. Still pregnant. My optimism for a better week than the previous three is still there too. Some things don't change.