Just a bump in the road

And by bump I do mean, a 649 mile long traffic jam where at the end you just end up crossing the median illegally because the road is closed and you go back the way you came and wait for your GPS to reroute you a different way, except your GPS just shows you that suuuuuuuper annoying "thinking" circle and never actually does anything.

what is happening

When Steve was at MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station) in Fargo, he hit a few bumps there. We sort of expected that since his case is so unusual. The people who normally cut orders refused to cut Steve orders and tried pushing the responsibility off on someone else. "Someone else" threw a fit and said they shouldn't have to do it. What should have been a two hour trip to MEPS ended up taking all day. The recruiters called and complained and demanded someone cut him orders RIGHT NOW because this delay was unacceptable. Someone finally stepped up and did it hastily. And when Steve got home and looked up his new unit code, he instantly realized that a mistake had been made.

aw, shit

To recap, Steve used to be a transportation captain. He is now a specialist in the infantry. Whoever quickly cut him orders only glanced at the transportation part apparently and sent him to a transportation unit at Ft Bragg. A unit that has absolutely no infantrymen. He called the unit anyway, thinking maybe they were some sort of reception unit. After speaking with A FRIGGIN BOAT CAPTAIN, he confirmed that yes, a mistake had been made. He contacted the recruiters to let them know what had happened.

this can't be good

The used car salesman, I mean, recruiter nonchalantly told Steve, no biggity man, they will fix it and find a spot for you at Bragg once you arrive. Aka, I don't plan on correcting this glaring mistake at all. LOVELY. See also, TYPICAL.

sounds about right

So Steve leaves for Bragg. Jacked up orders and all.

have fun in hell, man

He arrives and begins in-processing. The mistake is found. Steve explains that his recruiter told him they could fix it upon arrival. The reception unit, apparently "sick of Fargo MEPS' bullshit" (a direct quote, how fancy) tells Steve that no, they will not fix it. Stop in-processing. You will not be staying at Ft Bragg. HRC (Human Resources Command aka they cut orders aka they are THE LAZIEST, SLOWEST-MOVING PEOPLE ON PLANET EARTH NEXT TO TRICARE AND SLOTHS) will be involved to cut you new orders.

how rude

Ft Bragg wants to send him somewhere quickly. They say that they will speak with HRC and then cut Steve orders to Ft Benning or Ft Stewart (because it is within driving distance to Ft Bragg). Wow! This is great! My family is super close to Benning and we wanted to go there anyway! The next day- "looks like we won't be sending you anywhere because HRC wants to be in control." Steve speaks with his branch manager- "yeah it definitely won't be Benning." BACK TO SQUARE ONE.

so refreshing to start over

We literally have no clue where they will send us, what the timeline looks like, or when we'll hear anything. Idk if y'all know this or not, but I am in Minnesota, where it snowed yesterday, absolutely, 1,000%, completely sober with three kids in a miniature house filled with my raging pregnant hormones. And it is every bit as fun as it sounds.

we cray cray, y'all

This whole scenario actually feels about par for the course, as far as our Army experiences go. It is just extra frustrating to be "on hold" with HRC while they sit around and do nothing and our timeline shrinks and shrinks (much like the give in my maternity pants). We were told we would know something on Tuesday. HRC called on Tuesday and said they had a meeting of the minds (likely in the world's tiniest conference room). They came to the stunning conclusion that Steve needed new orders cut. YES WE ALL KNEW THAT PART. GAHD their mamas must be proud. I unleashed so many curse words that day that it might have rivaled the amount of Oreos I ate that night. (If I cannot drink my sorrows away, I will eat my feelings. They were delicious, in case you were wondering.) If the news from HRC had to be delivered to me instead of Steve, there might have been a renewed sense of purpose at HRC for the folks cutting orders and signing papers. Hell hath no fury like an 8 months pregnant lady who is sick of your shit. But dependas aren't consulted on these matters so HRC is still taking their time accomplishing the most basic of tasks, which is figuring out where to send an infantry E4 guy.

come on, it's not that hard, man

Meanwhile the kids are still taking turns tearing links off of our countdown chain each night and I don't have the heart to tell them it's completely meaningless at this point. Obviously I know this will be resolved at some point in the future, but all of the question marks just look like cartoon expletives to me.

she can't stop cursing, y'all

Anyways, I don't normally blog about stuff like this until there's been a resolution, but I really have no clue when that will be, and in the meantime, I feel mentally constipated from all of this and can't even consider blogging about anything else until that is taken care of. So! If you are the praying type, I am begging that you pray for:

1. new orders to be cut quickly, swiftly, immediately, lickety-split, rapidly, pronto, STAT
2. my kids to accept a new timeline, should we need to present one to them
3. poor Steve, who cannot in-process but also cannot be in the barracks during the day because he is in-processing, but also cannot go anywhere because he's in the in-processing unit, and is stuck walking around post and staring at the clouds, counting down the seconds/minutes/hours/days/weeks until HRC decides to move with a purpose
4. my sober sanity
5. my poor, unfortunate friends who have to listen to me bitch about these problems all day long