Christmas 2017: a lot more barf than I imagined

Well we survived it. I might have high-fived it... on its way out the door. That was a doozy. We surprised the kids with a visit from our friends from Minnesota. But before that I surprised the kids with a lot of cleaning because HOLY MOLY WE LIVE IN FILTH. Mostly because no one ever remembers to flush the toilet but also maybe because I can't stay caught up on laundry to save my life. So we cleaned and then our friends arrived. We played and played and played.

Hank snuggled Monica like he's never snuggled me!

Will caught Beau up on the latest happenings since we last saw each other in MN

We got everyone fed, bathed, and in bed. No small feat when there are 8 children and only two adults. That night though, things started to go downhill. Monica's oldest son was complaining of a tummy ache. He stood up from the sofa and started barfing. I instinctively grabbed a bag and ran towards it. (They say that's when you know you're a mom- when you run towards the barf instead of away from it. Almost like a firefighter runs towards the flames, police run towards the danger, soldiers run towards the battle. Like that but just way less heroic. The only thing at stake here was my carpet. So, still important to me obviously.) Anyways, as he's barfing (and hitting my arms more than the bag), I see a giant SPIDER out of the corner of my eye. I yell for Monica's nephew (12yo) to kill it. Except 12yo's are very literal and I didn't want him to smash it with his hand and possibly get bit. So I told him to kill it! But with a diaper! Or something! Anything! He threw the diaper at it. I seriously just started laughing. Covered in puke and now a killer spider is loose in my house. Merry Christmas. Can I tap out now? But just you wait, there was more fun to be had. A lot more fun. And when I say fun I think you all know by now that I mean barf.

Since our entire street has had this stomach bug for a hot minute now, we knew it would be a 12-24 hour deal. Luckily it was closer to 12 and everyone was playing nicely and vom-free the next day. We kept most of the activities outside since I feel better about fresh air and germs mixing.

Monica's truck proved to be a very effective, very expensive play pen

Watching a Christmas movie with Willie and his little crossed legs kill me

We had some really nice weather while they were in town, and one day we even let the kids go barefoot. They literally played outside all day long, and they all mixed well with the neighbor friends too. It was like a big ol' block party outside every day.

I tell you what, feeding eight children has completely turned me off to having eight children. Not that I was ever really considering it but holy cow. #1 we'd be completely broke. #2 that is a lot of work. #3 that is an impressive mess three times a day.

Molly has been d-y-i-n-gggggggg for the neighbor down the street to come over and bake Christmas cookies with her. Well the stars finally aligned and they made some sugar cookies. No one was more disappointed than Molly to learn that the dough has to harden for a few hours, but in the meantime they made a loaf of banana bread. And it was instantly devoured upon its exit from the oven.

So it turns out my oven cooks very unevenly

my little babushka

At some point, it started getting chilly. Of course, anything below 65* and we are all complaining of the cold, so I can't remember when we all started worrying about our impending frostbite, but it was probably premature. It didn't even seem to help when Monica's neighbors would text her weather updates from MN. "-34*? Shoot, it's 56* here but I swear it feels colder than MN."

All of these pictures are probably out of order. We pretty much did the same thing all week- make a crap ton of food, disperse food to hungry natives, throw clothes at children, shoo them outside, hours of playtime, inside for more food, prison baths, bed. Those kids played so hard and slept so well.

Rick arrived the night of the 23rd and was greeted with much enthusiasm.

Christmas Eve mood

Around 4am on Christmas Eve, I heard Molly bumping around in the hallway and finally came into my room. I was crossing my fingers and toes she was about to tell me just had a bad dream..... but instead, she had barfed all over her bedroom door and carpet. Lovely. We cleaned up the carpet and Molly and got her situated on the floor in the room with Hank and me. She threw up randomly for the rest of the morning. When I opened the bedroom door at 6, I was staring at Sam on the toilet (because why shut the door amiright) and he clutched his belly and said, "ohhhh I have diarrhea." Yayyyyyyy

He's like me and you can basically mind trick him into never throwing up, so luckily his illness began and ended with the diarrhea. Will "slept in" that morning (and by slept in I mean I sorta forgot about him and suddenly realized it was 8am and we were missing someone). I was terrified as to what I'd find behind his bedroom door. Surely it wouldn't hit all my children at once.... But surely it did. Will had not only puked at some point in the night, but he'd rolled over and gone back to sleep in it. (Molly used to do the same thing. Be right back, gagging at the memory.) AND he pooped! So that was a fun morning. I showered him and then started in on the cleanup and sanitizing process. I was suddenly grateful that we had fed the kids corndogs the night before and not tomato soup, like we originally planned. Cleanup would have looked a lot different. Luckily it seemed to be a one and done sort of thing. Will acted like nothing had ever happened and literally ate from the moment he got out of the shower until he went to bed. Molly lazed on the couch but I don't think that was so much her feeling bad as it was her milking the situation to watch tv. Whatever. The rest of us were outside and it was nice to not have to deal with that every 24 seconds.

So the worst had passed! Yay! We were done with the sickness. Until Rick came downstairs Christmas morning and told me that Monica had been up puking all night. Luckily she's a champ and the show went on, even though I'm sure she would have much rather been in bed all day sleeping it off!

Christmas breakfast (or snack, according to how you look at it)

I actually facetimed Steve while the kids were opening presents, so I don't have pictures of any of it. But they loved their new things, and they loved their friends' new things too, as evidenced by Will claiming most (if not all) of Beau's new cars.

We turned the kids loose outside after that because the neighbors were already out playing with their toys, and Santa was easily 10x more generous there than at our house. We also focused solely on outdoor toys this year since Louisiana livin' allows us to live outside 90% of the year. Thankfully our neighbors did too and got some fun stuff! (Like that roller coaster- Will is obsessed! Terrified me the first time he went down and hit that curb, but he loved it!!!)

Also not our toys

This one's mine

Hard at work on the new art set

We had minimal injuries Christmas Day, which was pretty much miraculous. Our neighbors got some of those bubble suits that you run into each other with, and between the crusty old mailboxes and the random (nonworking) light pole in the grassy area of our circle, I was almost certain we'd have to make at least one run to the ER. The worst to happen was Sam's chin made contact with the neighbor's tooth. Slight mark and bruising but nothing serious. We stayed outside all. day. long. We even skipped lunch. Will skipped his nap. It was insane. Around 2:30 I thought, oh haha I will go make some dip to bring out, and while I'm in there I guess I'll check and see how long I need to cook the ham for. It's been a few years since I've made one. Well the correct answer was RIGHTTHISSECOND so I ended up not going back outside and stayed in the kitchen to cook for the rest of the day.

Cooking would have not been remotely possible without all the extra hands to hold babies and referee big kids.

Oh my baby's first Christmas! Time, slow down! What's even scarier is that he is wearing the outfit Will wore last Christmas! (Size 18 months was only slightly baggy on him...) As happy as he looks, he noticed that I neglected to hold him myself the majority of the day and punished me that night. I remember stupidly thinking, wouldn't it be nice if he slept til 3:30 in the morning? Then I could get a solid 4-5 hours. But then ten minutes after I crawled into bed he coughed and woke himself up and ended up being awake UNTIL 3:30 in the morning, so joke's on me. I'll never wish for anything like sleep ever again.

This is what 7 years of no sleep looks like, folks. And my Christmas day sunburn.

Christmas Day was Will's last day of being 1. It snuck up on me so fast. I was still telling people he was "18 months"! (To be fair, I can't keep track and basically say "18 months" the day after they turn 1 until the day they turn 2. I like to ballpark it.) I seriously (SERIOUSLY) debated holding off on celebrating his birthday on another day. I was so tired. SO TIRED. But as I was showering that night, I realized that mothering is MY JOB and even though society tells us that the holidays are for "slowing down" and "vacation", it's like the Super Bowl in my line of work. So much cooking and cleaning and activities and laundry and celebrations and god forbid we don't make some mutherfuggin gingerbread houses and throw a birthday in there too (in addition to Baby J's birthday, of course) and it's pure madness. I did not want to skip one of my children's birthdays. Or postpone it. I needed to just suck it up and DO IT. So I finished showering and went and laid everything out for the traditional birthday waffle stack the next morning. Changed out the Merry Christmas banner to the Happy Birthday banner. Dug out the #2 candle I miraculously remembered to buy a week or two prior. Looked around at the destruction and called it a night.

Worth it. (It always is.)

It was super rainy and freezing cold that morning, and our friends were headed onto greener pastures. Or at least warmer temperatures. Florida, specifically. So we said see ya later, and stayed in our pj's all day. We watched Thomas and opened a few gifts, made a cake, and had hotdogs for dinner.

Oh my goodness this handsome devil

We changed into fresh pj's before heading to bed. And I attempted one more picture of my newly minted two year old.

He was too far gone with his choo choos though and couldn't be bothered. I love that boy so much I could burst.

After getting the kids in bed, I reheated some of the Christmas dinner leftovers and instantly regretted it all. Then I went to bed and prayed Hank would let me sleep a few hours. Then suddenly, at 1am, I woke up. Not to a crying baby. But to a gurgling stomach. And the only thing I could see in my mind was someone turning ham with a spoon. And let me tell you, when your stomach has ham in it, and it's gurgling, the last thing you want to do is picture more ham. And for it to be moving. Sadly, despite disinfecting everything in between making a cake and catching up on laundry and birthday fun, I contracted the dreaded stomach bug. I sat in the bathroom and attempted to talk myself out of throwing up. I can't. I hate it so much. There is no one here to rub my back. Or take care of the kids. Or listen to me whine. But then I threw up anyway. Hank was screaming by that point. I cleaned myself up and mixed a bottle. I can sleep when I'm dead, right?

MN --> LA

Well, it finally happened. We got the call and within an hour, life completely turned upside down, as I knew it would. We went from not knowing if Steve would actually get to talk to someone at his new unit, to him talking to the unit, me booking a plane ticket for him to fly home, and him getting leave to come move us down, all within about two hours' time. After that excitement ended, I was slinging stuff in boxes and packing up everything that needed to be packed and wiping things down and scrubbing and cleaning and generally just running about like a chicken with its head cut off.

always time for a banana break of course

Using his little brother as his own personal armrest. Ouch.

In between packing and picking Steve up from the airport, Sam graduated kindergarten. They did a little skit and some songs before diplomas were handed out. I was filming it all for Steve, but Monica managed to snap some photos of Sam acting super excited to receive a diploma. He's lucky I was filming or I would have thrown something at him and hissed to make him stand up straight.

He was in a really silly mood that day (probably because he had an audience), and normally he is the one that I can always count on for perfect behavior, but still- God bless kindergarten teachers. Never in a million years could I walk into that every day.

Naturally there was cake and the brightest red koolaid punch you've ever seen. Will toddled around the room looking for empties left behind by unsuspecting partiers before eyeing down Sam's cake in the hopes that he'd share.

Luckily Sam is a sweet big brother and gave Will multiple mouthfuls.

Monica: Class of 2029?? Will we even be alive then?
Me: Shoot, I dunno. I'm sure we'll be living like the Jetsons by then though if we are.

Started out at PS169 in Queens, NYC, and finished up the year at Norman County East Elementary in Gary, MN. Two polar opposites for sure, but they lucked out with great teachers and friends at both.

That night, my neighbor Terri came over after I'd put the kids to bed so I could go pick Steve up at the airport. Of course his flight was delayed out of Chicago and I may or may not have lost my shit while on facetime with him while he was there (not at him, just venting to him about All The Things, but still embarrassing since I kinda forgot he was surrounded by, ya know, an entire airport full of people).

I left at 8:45 and stopped for gas before heading down to Fargo. After 9pm and the sun was still setting. I had to pull over to snap a pic.

I got to the airport right as Steve had landed. It was going to be the perfect pickup. Then he texted to say that the plane's steering had gone out and they were now semi-stranded on the runway and were waiting for a tow. At almost 10pm on a Tuesday at the Hector International Airport, it really was a toss up as to how long it might take for that to happen. But eventually it did, and Steve emerged from the airport and hopped into the car. We buzzed back home past the freshly plowed fields and relieved my neighbor from her watchdog position.

No time for reunited couple selfie shots though, we had to run right back down to Fargo the next morning to pick up the moving truck after getting Sam on the bus for his last day of school. Molly and Steve drove to weigh the truck while Will and I went to Target and stocked up on last minute road trip supplies. We reconvened at home and Monica took Molly so she could play outside all day long and Steve and I set out loading up the truck. Sam rode the bus out to Monica's house after school (seriously, his favorite thing ever is getting a bus pass to Colt's house) as Steve and I continued packing and cleaning. We rented a 16 foot truck. We drove out here with a 26 foot truck. Why we thought we had purged THAT much is beyond me, but I'm gonna chalk that mistake up to "we have a lot going on." Anyways, Steve packed that truck within an inch of its life and we realized we'd be leaving quite a few things behind. I texted Monica and my neighbor and told them to come over to lay claim to what they wanted. At that point, I wanted to light the truck on fire. Moving makes me completely desensitized to THINGS. I end the day hating that we own STUFF and wonder why we don't sleep in hammocks and eat on a picnic blanket and rewear the same outfit every day. It is also around this point that I begin to despise the DITY move. I start out strong usually; everything is going along swimmingly, Steve is stacking boxes like a Tetris master and we look like we will pack this truck with room to spare! Then we start putting oddly shaped furniture on there and suddenly we are just slinging crap in garbage bags to fill in the holes and spaces and I quickly start making a giveaway pile. After I alerted the neighbors that we were having a flash giveaway, I started looking around and realized that some of this stuff that can't get packed until the end (vacuum, steam mop, shop vac, etc) are going to cost more to replace than it would cost to rent a small U-Haul trailer. BLUGH. U-Haul is closed by that point of course, so we make a plan to stay at a hotel in a nearby town that night and load the U-Haul the next morning. We found Monica's dog (lol) and went out to drop off the dog and let them know we'd be back in the morning. Of course Monica offered to let Sam and Molly spend the night one last time. Truly, A SAINTLY OFFER, as staying in hotels with children is one of my least favorite things to do in the history of ever. Of course Molly and Sam were thrilled by this development and I don't think they even said goodbye to us before they had hopped on the go kart with their buddies and were tearing off through a field.

We made it to the hotel (ironically, the hotel Steve and I first stayed at when we moved to MN) and put Will to bed. Steve drove into Fargo to weigh the fully loaded truck before coming to bed. We got up the next morning (Will, the alarm clock, never fails to have us up by 6) and drove to a nearby town to rent the U-Haul trailer. We towed that home and loaded up the trailer. Will screamed for much of the day, as I was paying him very little attention and was instead, cleaning everything in sight.

And, funnily enough, we came from right next to Flushing, NY, before MN.

We saw most of our neighbors and said our goodbyes to the Fonz. Sam had recently gotten a small pine tree from school to plant (for Earth Day maybe?) and he planted it about 4 inches from the front steps. The Fonz assured him that he would take care of it and help it grow, possibly transplant it somewhere that wouldn't one day disrupt the entire foundation of the house. He also assumed lawn care duties and general security detail as the man is a saint and always offering to do kind, neighborly things for us.

We left around lunchtime and drove as far as we could, which ended up being somewhere in South Dakota. We stopped at a Culver's for dinner, as I felt it might be wrong to leave the Midwest without trying this place that everyone raves about.

I gotta say, it was pretty "meh". Pretty sure my burger was straight up burned, but at least we can say we tried it. Willie's grilled cheese looked pretty good though! Back on the road for a few more hours before stopping for the night.

Sam and Molly took turns riding with Steve in the truck

After a fabulous breakfast the next morning (Holiday Inn Express really does breakfast right), we hit the road. Friday was our full day of driving, so we got an early start.

I seriously forget what state this was, but I wanna say an Arkansas Welcome Station? We met some very friendly Canadians who were vacationing and shared some cheesy bread knot from their picnic lunch with Molly before we finished our lunchables and veggie stick feast (we so fancy!) and got back on the road.

While loading the truck, it did feel like we had wayyyy too much stuff, but it is interesting to me now that every single material thing we possess in this world can fit in those two trucks. Maybe we aren't so bad after all.

We were making really great time, never really hit any traffic, and the kids were being really good. Naturally, the tow dolly hauling Steve's car popped a tire.

Steve called Penske and they said they'd have someone out to fix it "in 90 minutes or less" which sounds great, but we were in the middle of nowhere and it looked like it might possibly be closer to that 90 minute end than the "less" end and Molly had to pee and Sam had to poop and Will was just OVER sitting in a carseat any longer. So 90 minutes did feel kinda like an eternity at that point. But luckily the guy showed up super fast and changed the tire without even having to move the car off the dolly! We were so impressed. We chugged on til about 10pm and called it quits for the night. Our room was great and the kids slept really nicely. We were up and on the road early again the next morning- our last day of driving!!

I have to say, we stayed in Arkansas that night, and driving through northwest Arkansas was really beautiful. I think South Dakota and Arkansas are really underrated as far as natural beauty goes. I'd never driven through either one, but they both reminded me of something out of a storybook.

We weren't able to run an interstate all the way down, and that was interesting to say the least. We did manage to stop at a Sonic for lunch and celebrate the South for a minute. Molly informed me that she was "sweddin' tuh def" which cracked me up because it was maybe 80* and we were not even in Louisiana yet, so the humidity hadn't fully set in.

Willie waved to all the cars on the road and was thoroughly entertained as we waited for our lunch.

We finally arrived at Fort Polk. Hallelujah. Holy humidity.

I met far too many people looking just like this. You know what they say about first impressions and all.... pregnant Richard Simmons comin' atcha! Hiya, neighbors! Meet your newest crazy on the cul de sac!

We got most of the truck unloaded and beds set up and met all the neighbors before bathing everyone and chucking them in bed. And by we, I definitely mean Steve did most of the moving and unloading and I did most of the frizzy-haired socializing and child-watching.

if only my curls stayed so nice and tight

On Sunday, the kids alternated between playing basketball, riding bikes around the circle, and hanging out with their new friends.

Folks were a little disappointed when we had to return their hang out spot.

Steve is such a great dad, and despite sweating his guts out moving stuff off a truck all morning long, he offered to take Sam and Molly fishing at the catfish pond on post while Will napped so I could have a minute to myself. Sam was beyond thrilled and still asks every day, multiple times a day, if they can go fishing again rightthissecond.

Sam is so proud! And that fish is so ugly!

We hit up the neighborhood pool on Memorial Day after unpacking/melting for the first half of it.

Willie made sure to wave at as many ladies as he could, Sam perfected his cannonball (and belly flop omg - "It's not scary but it does kind of hurt your belly a bit."), and Molly alternated between floating, hanging onto Steve, and free falling off the side of the pool.

Pretty blurry, but you get the gist of it- they are very happy that the tv is set up and Tom and Jerry can rot their brains out once again.

That night, we went to bed and heard a fantastic thunderstorm. I laid there and thought, oh yes, I've missed this! I love listening to the rain on the roof and the thunder rumbling off in the distance. Then the next morning we said hello to our neighbor outside.

Neighbor- "So you guys made it through the tornado too then huh?"
Me- Tornado?
Neighbor- "Yeah. A tornado touched down on North Fort last night around 8:30. I was hiding in my bathroom all night long. Did you seriously not hear it?!"
Me- Tornado? Really? I was actually super excited for a thunderstorm. Slept like a baby. I guess I need to set up weather alerts or something on my phone...

We ran errands and unpacked some more yesterday and hit up the pool again. Then after dinner (we grilled chicken and it's been literal YEARS since we've grilled anything and it was so so nice!!), we sat our lawn chairs at the bottom of the driveway and let the kids run wild til well past dark.

high fructose artificially flavored and colored popsicles were a must, of course

The neighbors all trickled out after dinner and we sat out talking until we could barely make out our kids anymore. Late baths and bedtimes and we actually slept in til 7:30 this morning. Wild, I tell ya!

We ran more errands today and dropped off all of our boxes at the recycling center, I registered at the hospital for some reason (I'm told I'll have a baby at some point?? Da fuq??), and then we attempted a swim at the pool but it was closed due to some maintenance, so we drove all over creation and ended up grilling at home again for dinner before heading out to Sonic for some ice cream.....

Will made his rounds throughout the car, sampling everyone's ice cream and deciding he liked them all best. Then we headed home for baths and bed as another thunderstorm rolled in. Sam got his summer buzz today and it looks as though we skinned a cat on the back porch. I can't imagine how much better he feels outside in this heat though! I do wish I could do the same.... I'm sure that would be less than attractive on me though. Guess I'll suck it up and try and work that frizzed/frazzled look. Wish me luck!