Military Spouse Appreciation Day : The Link-Up

Linking up with Jen and Amanda today for Military Spouse Appreciation Day! Thanks for stopping by my corner of the internet!

• Tell us about yourself and your blog. Well for starters, I'm Jenn. Wife to Steve and mom to many. I enjoy a nice tub of peanut butter and long walks on the beach. (Too bad we never live near a beach.) In all seriousness though, I am rarely ever serious (unless we are low on peanut butter, in which case I am serious, we need to go to the store NOW), sarcasm is my second language, memes are my third, and I don't mean to brag but I can wipe bottoms while drinking wine, so I'm kind of a big deal. My blog is definitely NOT a big deal, but it's been chugging along for six-ish years now, which I consider commendable. Or something. I mostly use it to document our daily lives because my hope for the future is to print it out for my kids. (They shore ain't gettin' a baby book from me.) I love the people I have met through blogging and consider many of them my dearest friends even if most of them did quit blogging a few years ago. #comeback

• What branch of military are you affiliated with? My husband is Army. He enlisted in 2006 and then completed ROTC and commissioned as an officer in 2010. In 2015, he left active duty and joined the Reserves. We thought civilian life was gonna be THE SHIZZ. Turns out, we were WRONG. So now he's back on active duty, but this time, enlisted again. It's like coming full circle, but just in the complete opposite direction of everyone else. So that's fun to explain to folks.

first ever military ball - ROTC style

• What is one thing you enjoy about the military lifestyle? Moving! I know! Insane! But I think that might be one of the things that terrified me the most about civilian living. You are just.... stuck. There's no reason to leave once you're settled. Of course civilians move- we did a few times (re: insane!). But for the most part, you kinda pick a spot and make it happen. Half of my brain can get on board with that idea but the other half is just itching and raring to go and see and do new things. Now let me clarify that the act of moving is not something I particularly enjoy (especially because we seem to be particularly fond of DITY moves), but I enjoy experiencing new places and people and food and sights and ways of life. I love that my kids are exposed to a variety of experiences and cultures as well. I just hope it makes them well rounded and not in need of eventual therapy.

• What advice would you give other spouses who are new? Hmm.. I'd probably advise a new spouse to relax their attitude and be prepared to just go with the flow. I give that advice while also frantically texting Steve every 42.3 seconds asking if he has any new information on our upcoming PCS, so maybe take that more as a "do as I say and not as I do" piece of advice. Flexibility is key, and seeking out the good everywhere you go is gonna make everything in your life so much better/easier. It's easy to dwell on the negative aspects of anywhere you're stationed, but that doesn't make you happy and it also won't make you friends, which brings me to my third and final piece of advice, which is to MAKE FRIENDS! It's hella hard as a grown ass person to meet new people and find new friends but it is so so important. Family is great, and friends from your past are always amazing, but having a milspouse friend to vent to and who doesn't need you to decode every acronym when it's time to unload about your husband's HRC debacle in the middle of LMTV training at JRTC in the middle of a PCS with a side of PMS FFS IDGAF GTFO is worth its weight in rosé. 

We need to drink more rosé together.

• Where have you been stationed? *prepare to be dazzled*
• Ft Lee, Virginia
• Fort Campbell, Kentucky
• Camp Casey, South Korea
• and our latest and greatest and newest assignment is...... Fort Polk, Louisiana (We were originally slated to go to Fort Bragg, but that changed!)

at a temple on a mountainside in Korea

• Do you work, go to school, volunteer, or stay home? I stay home with the babies, and feel very fortunate to do so. I mean, I won't lie, plenty of days I wish I could interact with adults and pee alone and have a dedicated lunch break, but I recognize what an amazing opportunity this is and am trying my best to cherish it, even on the hard days.

A single photo might not sum up my life better than this one- Army laundry, moving boxes, babies on my lap and in my hair

What a wild ride, but also an enjoyable one (usually). Wishing all my milspouse friends a happy day - thanks for supporting the men and women who support our country! I will raise a glass (multiple glasses, in fact) to you all just as soon as I evict my latest womb resident.

FIVE WHOLE YEARS

That's how long this blog has existed. Trust me, no one is more shocked than I that I'm posting this on the correct date. But way back on January 20, 2011, I decided I'd start a blog and my first post was nothing short of amazing. Actually, it was just short. And not amazing. Maybe even a little whiny. And turns out we are right back to not sleeping through the night again, so that just goes to show you that five years from now, you might be doing the exact same things you're doing right now. (That will either depress or excite you.)

In keeping with the theme of January 20th posts, let me regale you with a story about Will. He loves to eat all night long. Which is so weird because he eats all day long too. But at night, he seems to limit his diet to 90 second snacks. He wakes up crying, alerting me to his level of starvation (Red Alert Deathcon 10), and is so hungry that he cannot even open his eyes. Poor babe. I pick him up, nurse him for 90 seconds, and he instantly konks back out. Aw, that's nice. Let me put you back in your bed. Let me sneak back into MY bed. Three minutes go by. I am incredibly comfortable and start to fall asleep. Cue more crying. Another 90 second snack. More sleeping before burping. Back to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat. As Sam would say, the moral of this story is..... 47. Aka, I don't know what I'm doing (just like Sam doesn't know what a moral is) and if you have any tips on keeping a sleepy, eating child awake to eat longer, I am all ears. Things I have tried: stripping him down, changing his diaper, tapping his feat, rapid movement of the food source, touching his face with my ice cold fingers, coughing like I am about to lose a lung. I hope I am missing something very easy and major that could turn nighttime around for us.

three weeks old and a quick snack before bed

Our boiler broke this past week. We have air units inside that are for AC, but also put out some heat. (Key word: some.) But it turns out that the heat those bad boys put out is not comparable to the lack of insulation in an 86-year-old home. And the wind has been whipping lately! Since all the kids were getting sick (oh, and me too! That hacking you hear is moi), we declared defeat and schlepped everything on over to my in-laws' house. Praise the Lord they only live a mile down the road. And praise the Lord our neighbors are heating/plumbing guys and came over on a weekend to take a look at everything. As it turns out, our boiler is not only old, but has been "quick fixed" too many times in the past and is also too small for our house! Basically, the only option that makes any financial sense is to get a new boiler. Sadly, the best way to pay for a new boiler is to sell a kidney, which, Google informed me, can bring anywhere between $1,000- $10,000. I'm hoping my excellent health nets me somewhere in the upper range. FINGERS CROSSED.

perfect timing for our first SNOW!

Will slept through it. All of it. Even in this picture he is asleep. I guess he has to make up for those all-nighters sometime.

The new boiler will be installed this weekend. Until then, we (once again) grace my generous in-laws with our sick, coughing, noisy, plus one presence. I'm sure they're thrilled.

In other expensive home news, I will soon be able to post before and after shots of our kitchen, which has undoubtedly gone through the biggest transformation out of any room in our house. I would be able to post them sooner, but I flubbed on the backsplash. Yes. I know. I found this news hard to process as well. But as we were meeting with the tile installation guy and showing him the tiles we practically stole from this website (so cheap!), he said, "Those look great! Where are the rest of the tiles?"

Me: Excuse me? These are all of the tiles. We pulled them out for you.
Tile guy: We need about 36 square feet to do your kitchen, so...
Me: Oh perfect! Because I ordered 40!
Tile guy: Hmmmm.... (trying to be nice to the idiot)... that doesn't quite look like 40 sq ft to me...
Me: Hmm. Well that's weird because that's what I ordered. Are you sure?
Steve: (inspecting the box) Maybe they forgot to ship a few boxes? You need to check that email and see if there are more tiles coming.
Me: Ok. But I ordered 9 boxes, which comes out to 40 sq ft. I'll check again, even though I'm pretty sure I'm right (as usual- and smug- as usual).

After the tile guy left, I checked my email and the website and found that the only reason we got such a steal of a deal on the tile, was because I cannot do basic math or read basic things. I understood the website to be selling me a box that covered 4 sq ft. So I ordered 9 boxes (and change). Well. Turns out that I only ordered 9 sq ft (and change). So when I went to see what it would cost to order 31 more sq ft of this tile, it turned out to be a REALLY TERRIBLE DEAL and I couldn't stomach the thought of paying that much for our little backsplash. After a not-so-quick trip to Home Depot to confirm that they had nothing to match our 9 sq ft of tile, I was searching Pinterest, trying to convince Steve that the super cheap white subway tile would be a great look for our kitchen. But I could barely even convince myself. Luckily we found another deal on tile (although not the same as the original 9 sq ft) and ordered it. This time, I confirmed the numbers multiple times with Steve before purchasing. It will arrive one day, will be installed eventually after that, and then I'll post before and after photos sometime before 2017. Hopefully.

unrelated to the kitchen, but just another small reno project of ripping down the cheap tile ceiling in the storage room

I'm sure this won't take long or be costly (said no Jenn ever).

at least the help is reliable, if not improperly dressed.

I know I'm only about a month behind, but I figured I'd go ahead and post my New Year's resolutions. Better late than never, right? Also, resolutions and goals are pretty much, practically, 98% the same exact thing. Love how no one wants to have resolutions anymore, but everyone wants to list their "goals" for the new year. Do you not resolve to complete your goals? Did I just blow your mind? Anyways, I'm gonna kick it old school and use the extra six letters and have some resolutions.

1. Wear makeup sometime during the year 2016. And maybe real pants. (The last part of that resolution is not a binding agreement or contract and I reserve the right to wear my sweatpants and maternity pants as long as I see fit amen.) I've been "rocking" (ha) this all-natural look for all of 26 days now. That may or may not be because my mascara and ziploc bag of makeup is frozen solid in the passenger seat door of my car. But I'm going to use that excuse as long as I can.

2. Lose weight. There are people who vow to stay healthy throughout their entire pregnancy and some won't even attempt getting pregnant until they've hit a healthy goal of some sort. My life motto tends to be something along the lines of- "cookies were made for pregnant women" and "no need to be miserable while pregnant- quinoa will still be there after you give birth." Being pregnant over the holidays was like an express ticket for gaining a few extra pounds. So eventually I will lose some weight. I read on Google (so it must be true) that nursing women shouldn't begin dieting until after month 2 of breastfeeding, otherwise it might negatively affect supply. Who am I to argue with logic like that? I'll boil that quinoa after Valentine's Day.

3. Run. This really ties in with losing weight. Running paired with the quinoa is the suckiest, most surefire way for me to lose weight. Plus the children are strapped in and not on top of me so it's *almost* like me time.

4. Take pictures with my real camera more than once a year. The phone and instagram and chatbooks are just SO DAMN EASY THOUGH.

5. Purge. Purge the house, purge the car, purge my clothes, purge the kitchen, purge the basement (shrieks in horror), purge the toys, and purge that one box that Steve and I packed up in Auburn and have never unpacked since. I should actually just throw that away unopened because if we haven't opened and used it in 6 years, I doubt we actually need anything that's in there.

6. Shower regularly. I'd like to assign a number to this like, "once every 3 days" but that just seems overambitious. Jenn, just shower more than you are now.

7. Slow down and enjoy everything more. I feel like I've already gotten off to a FANTASTIC start with this one since I have done nothing but nurse and snuggle and eat and stare at Will since the day he was born. Hopefully I can become less sloth-like soon and learn to enjoy everyone while also getting the laundry put away and cooking dinner every night.

8. Blog more. This is probably my resolution every year, even if unspoken, but I just love being able to look back at photos and stories about what we were doing way back when. I don't want to stop having this online scrapbook of our lives.

9. Organize the photos on my computer and external hard drives. Help? Does anyone have an efficient way of doing this? Currently things are going into folders categorized by month and year. I hope someone out there has a magical tool that makes this easy.

10. Try new things. I feel like once we got back to the States, we lost a big hunk of our adventurous spirit. Korea made it easy and exciting to go see and do new things every weekend. Between working on the house, moving in, working on the house, having a baby, working on the house, moving back in with my in-laws, and never sleeping, it feels like we don't get out and explore like we used to. Hoping 2016 is the year we go and do fun new things.

So to recap:

• The blog is 5 years old today.
• How long have you been reading?
• How can I wake a semi-awake yet sleeping baby to eat (without waking up everyone else in the house)?
• Holler at me if you know a good organ dealer- I've got one sweet kidney to sell him.
• Before and after house pics are coming soon(ish).
• Resolutions = goals with more letters
• How often do you shower?
• What is the best way to organize years and years of photos?

Thank you for reading!! I've met some of the greatest people through this blog (and even gotten help from a Tricare big wig during a recent debacle) and hope that even though instagram is WAY easier and quicker than blogging, that you will still come here every now and again and read my sleep-deprived ramblings. Amen.

Here we are, a month later..

• Oh hello again! Nice to be back! I took a little unplanned blogging break when Steve left for the field this past month. Apparently I don't have enough brain power to raise the kids and write complete sentences simultaneously. He got back very early Saturday morning (2am-ish) and is back at work at 9am again today (Sunday). Because what says "thank you for spending a month away from your family" quite like a six-day work week immediately following. Ah, the Army. I love to hate it.
• Speaking of the Army, you might have noticed that you got a special ooh-la-la invite to read this cobweb-covered blog! That is because of all of this batshit crazy ISIS stuff and also, because I've been thinking for a while about how my children might one day feel about their lives being "out there" on the internet. I like to know who is seeing pictures of them and hearing about their little moments. And making everything private seemed like the best way to give me peace of mind on all of those fronts. So here we are. Thanks for coming!
• I was trying to recap this past month by making photo collages from all the pictures I took. Then I realized I had way more than one picture per day and it just got a little overwhelming. And I think this past month is a great example of how well I deal with overwhelming situations. (*radio silence*) So to do a very general recap, I:
• had girls' nights with wine/popcorn/chocolate post-kid bedtime
• spent a lot of time on the playground with our neighbors
• went on a lot of walks
• cooked (and ate) an unholy amount of macaroni and cheese and called it a proper dinner
• bathed the kids semi-regularly
• texted Steve no fewer than eleventy billion times
• did a few photography sessions
• ordered two entire chicken nuggets at a McDonald's drive-thru (instead of two ORDERS)- ego immediately deflated. And had to really improvise because the kids were kind of excited to eat something besides macaroni for dinner.
• did a clothes swap with two great friends
• visited the mail room and had many an awkward conversation
• took the kids to preschool and relished the few hours of silence and productivity
• rearranged my room with Aggie (after maggots in the kitchen AND a colony of dust bunnies under my bed- she is still my friend. A VERY GOOD FRIEND.)
• ate the best chocolate cake I've ever had in my life
• fed some fish, played in the sand, watched my kids develop the Army Orphan Syndrome and call every man they saw "daddy"
• We did more, but Steve is gone again, so my brain is kinda mushy again. (Sad. I know.)
• Let me tell you about this guy in the mail room. Back story: Over here, we have to go to these little huts from the 50s to retrieve our mail. Each unit has their own little hut and soldiers pass out your mail and boxes. It's really disappointing to go all the way there and unload the kids outta the car only to find you have absolutely nothing to pick up. But on this particular day, I had a lot of mail. A new guy (super chummy) was working and did his best to make all sorts of small talk while I refereed my children and tried to pretend I was listening. Well then Sam ran smack into a door and was crying. I picked him up and tried to distract him.
• me: "Look, Sam! We have FOUR packages! Wowee!"
• Sam: "I don't want four packages!"
• me: "Well I sure do!"
• soldier: "I bet you do!" *wink*
• After hauling everyone/everything back to the car, I looked at what we'd gotten. I had ordered a Fitbit from Amazon and it arrived! Yay! But the customs form labeled it as "personal care appliance item." Oh. OH! THAT'S WHAT THAT WINK WAS ABOUT OMG OMG OMG.
• I was mortified. There is no going back now. Except I have to. Every week for the next year if I want my mail. Now every time I see him, my packages all suddenly seem to have perv-y customs form descriptions. "DVDs and personal care item" is actually some movies for Sam and a hairbrush for Molly, but oh well. At least my trips to that hut are never boring.
• Speaking of hairbrushes- my neighbor recommended this brush to me to use on Molly's hair. I literally broke a comb in her hair one night. She was always crying and screaming even though I was using detangler and trying to be as gentle as possible. It was easily the worst part of my day outside of having someone touch their toes with their rear in my face so that I could wipe away their residual fecal matter. Anyways, I used this brush the other night (without detangler spray) and closed my eyes as I put it in her hair. Then I pulled it down. I wondered if it was actually doing anything because there were no screams. Molly was chatting away as if nothing was happening. After a few more brushes, I wanted to hit my knees and cry out to the heavens! IT WORKS! IT WORKS! HALLELUJAH WE ARE SAVED!! So if you are dealing with some kinky hair and need a miracle? Please buy that brush. (*I wish someone was paying me to say all that, but in reality, no one will pay a private blogger to do anything, so that is just my own experience and I don't want anyone else to break a comb in their child's hair amen.*)
• I'm pretty certain that most of you lovely people follow me on instagram, but in case you missed the news, Steve finally got promoted!! Wahoo! He was so fortunate (SARCASM ALERT) to fall into the group that got extended as lieutenants for an extra year, so we are happy that it's finally arrived. He has only been doing captain's jobs from the get-go, so it is nice that he is actually getting paid for the work! That also makes my blog name not really work anymore, so who knows what will happen with that. I voted for a Captain D's Seafood theme, but eh. Needs a bit more thought, I guess.
• I am going to try to blog more frequently. Promise. It might not be anything earth-shattering, but I do love reading back over our days, so I'm going to make a better effort at putting something up here most days. In between re-learning how to cook something other than macaroni for dinner this week, getting ready for Sam's birthday party this weekend, continuing to ignore the laundry and head down to social hour at the playground after naps, I'd say I have my work cut out for me. Happy weekend and War Eagle!

((Here are two of the collages I made before I got overwhelmed and shut the computer and refused to make more.))

Where I attempt to get some sort of blogging momentum started

I realized recently that I have nothing to blog about these days. How many times can I tell you about my children smearing their poop everywhere and my needing to drink a lot of wine at the end of the day? Isn't that what instagram is for, after all? I have no crafts to share (I hope no one snorted coffee all over their keyboard at the thought of me doing a craft), no recipes I've whipped up (although I did feed my family mostly raw chicken last night and ordered pizza before it was even stuck back in the oven to finish cooking), and no funny stories to tell (not any that are internet-appropriate anyway). Life is relatively peaceful, and while that doesn't make for very entertaining blogging around these parts, it does make my life a helluva lot easier.

I was browsing Pinterest recently (it seems to have filled my non-blogging void) and stumbled upon a pin about what to blog about when you're in a blogging rut. I'm going to try a few of her suggestions and see if that doesn't help kickstart some of my blogging juices. In the meantime, does anyone have opinions on her first blogging prompt- a home tour?

First of all, I think a home tour here would take all of 2.5 minutes. We live in a shoebox. Does anyone care to see my messy house? Are you interested in the little Korean quirks? I can attempt to hammer out this post while the kids are at preschool one day so that the house stays clean for more than 5 minutes at a time. Let me know if you want me to show you my house, all MTV Cribs style.

Writer's block is so not cool, Mom!

Psssss --> ((Aggie's home tours are waaaaay more inspiring. I want her to come to Korea. Not only to decorate my house, but to also make her amazing fried rice and African stew and quinoa creations and let her babies play with my babies while we talk about the world's most pressing issues. She is obviously multi-talented. Just one reason I love (and miss!) her so much.))

Questions for you, a recap of how Sam's been shafted on Christmas his entire life, and some Alabama news

• A few of you commented on my fancy new blog design and I am here to tell you that it's allllllllll thanks to Miss Eliza. Secondary thanks go to her creativity and patience because I doubt that I am easy to work with. I mean, just ask my co-workers and they will whine at you and make sad faces and tell you I don't make jelly sandwiches fast enough. (I don't.) Luckily Eliza wasn't relying on me to make her lunch and she worked with the weird time difference and made my blog look much more.... me. I feel like I have ARRIVED in this blogging world. Hello everyone!
• I am seeing all these holiday gift guides pop up everywhere but none of them are helping me because they don't tell me exactly what I should get Sam for Christmas. This poor child. His first Christmas was not blogged because, well, I didn't have a blog. But I will just tell you that I don't think he got any presents for his first Christmas. I'm sure his grandparents gave him something awesome, but a well thought out, brain-stimulating baby gift from me, he did not receive. His second Christmas, he got a pillow. Well, it was technically a pillow PET and he still sleeps with it to this day (and the pictures of him cuddling it that Christmas make me tell my ovaries (very loudly) to hush). Last Christmas, Steve was deployed, Sam still didn't really "get" Christmas, and he got a potty. A potty that he still doesn't really even use unless he wants a sucker and has four drops of pee to spare. So basically he's gotten the shaft on Christmas gifts since the beginning of (his) time. We are still holding fast to our three-gift-rule ("if it's good enough for baby Jesus, it's good enough for me," say it with me everybody!) and so that means that both sets of grandparents get to give him a gift and Steve and I get to give him a gift. Extra free space is not a luxury we currently have, so we can't have anything too big. If you have any ideas for someone whose interests change daily, please holler at your girl. Things take forever to ship here so I need to order said gift yesterday.
• Where can I get a pair of leggings that are made for a normal chubby person? Leggings that are fleece-lined, not from Target, don't sag when you bend over, can be worn with a big sweater, and don't give me horrific muffintop. I see everyone wearing leggings and I want to just shake them and ask where they came from! Except I don't know any Korean so that might not come across the right way, and I haven't done that yet. Just asking YOU, Internet, to see if you have found a hidden gem somewhere that I need to know about! Link me, please and thank you so much.
• Am I the only person who hadn't seen this yet? I just watched it for the first time last night. If I hadn't been exposed to local Alabama news channels my entire life, I would think it was some sort of spoof. In reality, just another day in LA.
• Steve has staff duty today because the sun might be snuffed out if he ever had it on a day that didn't end in Saturday. Who's good side do you have to be on to get a weekday staff duty spot? Saturday staff duty eats up Friday night (gotta go to bed early so he can get up early), Saturday is a bust for obvious reasons, and Sunday is spent recovering due to the whole no-sleep-on-Saturday-night thing. So it's business as usual around here this weekend. Laundry, cleaning, some Baby Einstein videos, some "chekkin' my's emails", and reading some books. Lord only knows what they'll eat for dinner tonight since the nuggets are low and the hot dogs are gone. Time to start praying for a fish-sticks-and-the-loaves type of miracle! (because we're low on bread too)

I chekkin' my's emails and pitchurs.

Up. To. No. Good.

Why does it make me write a title for every single post? I'm not that creative.

Remember how I mentioned that I had no desire to blog lately? I was going through my reader and came across this post. Nothing but the last paragraph stood out to me- I'm the only one who is going to tell my stories. I want more words to look back on one day. And one day is coming fast.

((Cue my panic about all my thoughts about all the stories I haven't blogged that I might want to remember one day.))

This blog is almost like that back section of your closet that you keep shoving stuff into and you always procrastinate organizing it. (Or is that just me?) My layout is horrible, things are a bit messy, and my About page says that I'm still PREGNANT WITH MOLLY. So.... hmmm time to spruce things up around here. I actually have a post in my head too. And I wrote notes on my phone so I don't forget to write it. This is about as close to scheduling a post as I wanna get, but at least I finally have something to write about that's not bullet points! (You: Praise Jesus!) So excuse the mess here over the next few days. I am going to attempt to get this ol' girl back up and running!

Annnnnd a gratuitous photo of (the majority of us) dressed up in traditional Korean hanbuk outfits. Sam would rather pick-pocket Steve than be caught dead wearing pink pants. (Although Steve pulls them off well, don't you think?) Definitely a Christmas card contender. (eye roll)

I'm the only one who is going to tell my stories. I want more words to look back on one day. One day is coming fast. - See more at: http://www.shelikespurple.com/shelikespurple/2013/10/i-wrote-a-book-when-i-was-in-fourth-grade-an-rl-stine-like-thriller-that-was-no-doubt-truly-awful-and-not-all-that-thrilli.html#sthash.CLyhOw5H.dpuf

I'm the only one who is going to tell my stories. I want more words to look back on one day. One day is coming fast. - See more at: http://www.shelikespurple.com/shelikespurple/2013/10/i-wrote-a-book-when-i-was-in-fourth-grade-an-rl-stine-like-thriller-that-was-no-doubt-truly-awful-and-not-all-that-thrilli.html#sthash.CLyhOw5H.dpuf

Wanna vote for me? I'll send you chocolate and stuff.

Ok so I can't actually send you chocolate. But not because I don't have chocolate to share. Mostly because I'm too lazy to go to the post office. I owe packages to more than a few people now, and my lack of boxes has pretty much been a good enough excuse for me not to go at all. But if you wanna swing by my house after you vote for me once daily until July 4th, I will let you raid my secret stash and we can hide from the kids and talk about how Molly walked into the bathroom this morning with poop all over her hands and I was so busy attempting to use the bathroom multitasking taking pictures of Sam wearing my flip flops (so cute!) that I didn't notice until she started smearing it all over her pajamas. And now, looking back at the pictures I was taking of Sam, I think Molly might have sampled a little bit.

Excuse the craptastic quality of these photos.

Digging for gold...

Attempting to wipe it off

Giving in to temptation

I apologize, new readers, for this shameless post about votes, chocolate, and poop. (But for future reference: chocolate and poop are discussed here quite often.) The voting part is simple. Click the link, then click vote. No logging in or extra steps. And vote daily. Please. The girl in the number one spot has something insane like 300 votes. (Not expecting to beat that.) I'm not sure I have that much chocolate, but I know some of you might prefer some fruit or maybe a spoonful of peanut butter or bacon or corn chex. We'll see what I can come up with when you get here. Thanks in advance for not making me relive my SGA secretary loss from 5th grade.

I think I'm getting soft

Let's do a crunchy inventory real quick, shall we?

1. Cloth diapers. Well, one out of two in cloth diapers. And not while we're moving. And mostly depending on what the washer/dryer situation in Korea is like. So maybe this is more stale than full-on crunchy since there's the chance of abandoning cloth altogether in the very near future.

2. Buying organic when possible. The commissary here has an okay-meh-sometimes-raunchy selection of organic produce. So I buy organic when it makes sense and try not to sweat it when we don't. If I had just Steve and myself that I to feed, I probably wouldn't even venture over to the organic section, but since I'm feeding tiny bodies fruits and veggies (well, attempting, at least), I don't want them to sprout an eleventh finger (just another nail to cut) or a second head (that equals a second mouth which equals more whining which means I need to start drinking NOW) by way of weird pesticides and chemicals.

3. Natural cleaning products. I steam mop my floors, use vinegar in my bathrooms (except for the black mold in my shower- that requires a full-on bottle of Scrubbing Bubbles- fight scary with scary), and don't use air fresheners. People who visit our house probably wish we would just suck up the side effects of the air fresheners already, but sorry. That smell (cloth dipes!) keeps folks from lingering for too long.

4. Recycle. I can't think of an easier way to be green than that.

Annnnnnnnd that's a wrap. Turns out that we're not so crunchy. At least not break-your-front-tooth-crunchy like a Nature Valley granola bar. We're more like an expired Quaker chewy bar, I guess. But those are good too in their own special way. Especially the chocolate-covered ones. ANYWAYS. I digress.

I was recently contacted by Happy Family to review some of their products. And yes, my first thought was that I was giving out my address to a serial killer. But then coupons and squeezies came in the mail and lo! THIS IS FOR REAL. We buy Happy Baby and Happy Tot squeezy packs daily weekly at the commissary. Mostly because they are the cheapest. But also because they are organic (re: my chewy-crunchy stance on that) and offer the biggest variety of veggie squeezies. I know they offer fruit squeezies as well, but my kids have no problems eating fruit. Therefore, no money shall be spent on mushed fruit in a pouch amen. And if it is, we call that a **Special Occasion**.  (And yogurt is still ice cream, I will cut the person who tells my children otherwise.)

Sam prefers the crinkle-and-squeeze method for getting every last drop.

Molly doesn't waste time with all that nonsense.

Anywho, I've never actually tried any of the squeezies before. Mostly because I buy broccoli, pea, and pear squeezies so no thanks. But I tried a taste of each of the squeezies sent to me/the kids and was surprised at how fruity they tasted! No wonder they suck these things down with such wild abandon. (Molly doesn't even take a breath until the whole pouch is completely deflated.) We also tried out the yogurt bites, and those were obviously a hit. They are a Special Treat as well. Mostly because they are very limited (aka the bags are tiny) and are easily smashed into oblivion inside the tiny crevices of any carpet within a 12-ft radius of the child consuming them. (No lie.) In Happy Family's defense, it is nice to have a desirable kid snack that isn't made of total crap. It is just a snack we will save for desperate situations like airplane flights and lunches out (aka places where I am not responsible for the end state of the floors).

Since I went out to dinner with Sarah the other night for dinner, I left Steve to make the Happy Tot meal bowl for Sam. It did not go well. He is our resident Picky Eater. And since I had eaten a small ocean's worth of sushi for dinner that night, I didn't try it myself. Maybe if you don't have a picky eater, that might be a winner for you. Sam mostly prefers turkey dogs to appear out of our microwave, not a meal of quinoa and vegetables.

And now, to get to the point of this post, I have a giveaway. Because I know my kids are not the only ones addicted to squeezies like mini crackheads.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

**I was given the items mentioned above to review, but as you can tell (I hope), the opinions written here are all my own.**

Just in case

If you or someone you know is in need of instruction on how to clean two tiny people at once in the modern-day contraption known as "the bathtub", then you're in luck. I wrote a guest post for Erika about just that.

One might assume this is a self-explanatory subject, but you know what happens when people assume... (Ok in case you haven't heard that joke, it goes, "You know what happens when you assume.. it makes an ass out of you and me." Ass + u + me. Get it? Did I just over-explain a joke? Probably. Just like I probably over-explained bathtime on Erika's blog.) Go read it! Tell me what you think! Am I doing it all wrong? Any tips I'm leaving out? Tricks I don't know? Do they really need to be bathed weekly? I can't find the instruction manuals to these gingers anywhere...

Disclaimer: I bathe them every night, unless they are still in their original pajamas and we didn't leave the house. Then I just assume they're still clean from the night before. And yes, I know what assuming will get me... (So sue me, some nights I'm lazy.)

Don't be bashful, y'all know you deserve it

So I got this email the other day from Tiny Prints, and they were like, "If you wanna do up a post about our Christmas Cards, we'd really appreciate it since you're a big time blogger with like, tens of followers, and even though most of them are family members and friends you've conned into "following" you, we still wanna offer you a discount on your Christmas cards this year. Thaaaaaaaanks." Actually, I think it might have been slightly less sarcastic than that. Maybe. But if there's one thing I love thinking about at Halloween, it's Christmas. I mean, seriously, how can you even avoid those thoughts if you leave your house and travel into society on a regular basis? (And hey, let it be known that I actually do that, despite my regular jaunts to the Mennonite market.) The PX here didn't even give me a proper amount of time to scavenge for clearanced summer merchandise that I don't need before they started hanging lights and blowing fake snow all over the place. But you know what? If people wanna start celebrating Baby Jesus' birth in September, I will not stand in their way.

At first, when I got the ego-inflating email from Tiny Prints, I was like, "Oh *skim, skim, skim* when is the cut-off date? Because obviously I will do my post with something like 3 hours remaining on the deadline." (Takes me back to my college days; makes me feel young again. And skinny. But mostly stressed out.) So lo and behold, strange things happen when you actually READ something in its entirety. (This really could have changed a few of my grades, I realize this now.) In the email, they VERY CASUALLY mention that "Oh hey, if you wanna give away FIFTY FREE DOLLARS to one of your readers that you claim to have, then you can do that too. No biggie." Seriously?! So obviously I think that y'all need rewarding, what with all the posts I make you read about poop and puke and diaper rashes and how much I love cake yet how much I need to lose those last 30lbs of baby weight and wine and dead birds and such. Yes, I think y'all deserve a little something.

I've never given anything away before (except for those two times when I gave away my body for these cute cling-ons I've got), but y'all seem like a deserving bunch. I can write about anything and y'all always come through with some uplifting words or jokes or relatable stories and some of you even SENT ME CHOCOLATE and let's not get into how hard I'll hug you when we finally meet. (Because you gave me your return address on those packages, so yes. We'll hang out soon. Creepy!)

So I have attempted to create a Rafflecopter. All of the cool, big-time bloggers use this for their giveaways. They also have approximately a frillion more followers than me and do things like make their own layouts from scratch, but I'm trying not to focus on details here. Some of the ways you can earn entries for this giveaway: (You know I can't do this without over-explaining the thing to death.)

1. Answer a question. Pretty simple. Even I can handle this.

2. Follow me on twitter. I usually just upload cute pictures of my kids and/or dog poop from instagram, but I like having new people to follow, so basically this is just my way of finding you because I cannot figure out the twitter.

3. Tweet about the giveaway. I swear to Moses, the one thing I truly hate about twitter is all of these tweets about "Oh I just LOVE the new Depends underwear! So comfortable and discreet! Enter to win a $6 million dollar prize pack from so-and-so at her big-time blog, such-and-such.com!"
I'm sure people want tweets like this to give them exposure or what have you. (This could be why I'm not so proficient at gaining followers or understanding twitter.) But whenever I see one like that, my eyes glaze over and I totally ignore whatever that person is tweeting. So please don't do that for my giveaway. We don't need our eyes glazing over any more than usual. Make your tweet funny and original and then just include the link to this post at the end. Because I love nothing more than a funny tweet (except chocolate). It's basically the only reason I check twitter at all.
Example: "My dog farted 47 times today! Smelled like a pumpkin spice latte EVERY TIME! (link to this post)"
See how easy that is? And how much more fun that would be to read than the regular ol' giveaway tweets? Ok, so let's make that happen.

4. Follow the blog. I know I've got some creepers out there. You read, but you don't follow. And that's ok. But if you wanna win this prize-money you're gonna have to de-lurkify yourself. Don't be embarrassed to let people know you read here. I'm pretty sure there's a way to make yourself anonymous if it bothers you that much. I am not into "growing my numbers" or hitting some significant number of followers. I write these thoughts that pop into my head and usually the same 20ish of you leave me sweet, heartfelt comments. I don't wanna be one of those people that has eleventy billion followers and averages two random responses for every post I churn out. I prefer quality over quantity. And I feel like I've got that right now. Athankyouverymuch. Also, I love y'all.


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Now that everyone has stopped doing these, I guess I'll go ahead and post mine

Recently (or not so recently maybe), I have been nominated by a few sweet ladies for the Liebster Award. Basically, you must answer eleventy billion questions about yourself and then ask just as many to other folks that you nominate. I exaggerate... It's only 11 questions and facts. But I have this general feeling that no one wants to read 50 facts about me. I honestly can't come up with that many things anyway. Unless we list every type of chocolate I like and why, the one peanut butter I'm addicted to and why (it's Planters, by the way), and how, if I could change one single stinkin' thing about my house, I would make the stairs not creak. Great alarm system, horrid for keeping sensitive sleepers asleep. Ok let's get to the Liebster thing. I think I am just going to answer questions that I have witty answers for. But of course.

Kathryn asked:
Where did you attend college?
Well Kathryn, as much as I love yelling "War Eagle," I have to be honest with you. I actually attended two schools. First, I did two years at Troy University. Yes, you read that right. Before I bled orange and blue, I was yelling "Go Trojans!" and living in a very creepy dorm with my best friend from high school. You might have one of these schools in your town, possibly in a strip mall even. They seem to be cropping up everywhere. But I went to the ORIGINAL Troy University in Troy, Alabama. Not Troy-Dothan, or Troy-Montgomery, or Troy-Taiwan. Troy-Troy. What led me there? Free tuition. But then I got the feeling that I did not want to major in chemistry (firstly, because I do not like chemistry, secondly, I kind of always smelled like rotting eggs after leaving the chem lab. Nothankyou). So I transferred to Auburn University. There, I lived in a trailer or two, met my husband, got my degree in Exercise Science, and then a secondary MRS degree.

What annoys you most about milspouse bloggers?
Ugh, what really annoys me is how they turn out to be such great friends, true battle buddies, and then don't live where I live. How dare you all for being so nice and not living next-door to me.

Allison asked:
What was your very first post (link to it)?
Here it is:
http://lifewiththelieutenant.blogspot.com/2011/01/now-he-sleeps.html
I was clearly a sleep-deprived mess at this point. I just started talking to the internet- no introductions, no real purpose, just whining about my lack of sleep. (And OMG look at how teeny weeny Sammy was! Bless his heart, still reeling from the baby acne.)

What unique item do you always keep in your fridge?
Lately, a quarter, a pacifier, an unidentified fuzzy substance in a jar of pasta sauce, and liquid-y feta cheese. Also, usually Sam. He is fascinated with picking his own grapes out of the bowl and generally treating the open fridge door like a personal invitation to an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Bonnie asked:
What is your favorite season?
My favorite season is, by far, fall. (Mainly because it is the gateway season to winter.) Not 80-something-degrees fall, but actual fall. Leaves-changing-colors-and-falling-off-the-trees, pumpkin-candle-burning, cool-enough-to-not-sweat-through-your-shirt FALL. Anyone that is still lusting after summer needs to do a good 8 months of *super-fun summer* time in the South. Sweating and bug bites and coating multiple layers of sunscreen on squirmy children cannot be classified as fun. I am so sorry, summer lovers. Also, if you care to learn more about my hatred of hot weather in general, you can click on the label "I hate the heat" in the sidebar. You're welcome.

Bethany asked:
What is one hot-button issue you wish everyone would just shut up about?
Honestly, the only place I see any "hot-button issues" is twitter. And I just ignore it all. I got off Facebook many moons ago because I'm sick of what that website does to people. But here I go creating hot-button issues of my own. To answer the question at hand- I wish everyone would just shut up about politics and how other people choose to live their lives. Let's strive for peace. I hope that is specific enough, yet also too vague to piss anyone off. Also, vote for me as Miss America 2013. Peace, love, and big hair, y'all.

What would your significant other say is your best quality?
"Bodacious Bahama Mamas." And that is a direct quote from the man himself. I also have a brain and seem to take decent care of our children too, for what it's worth.

Kiki asked:
Do you prefer sweet or salty?
Yes.
And I'll have a glass of wine with that too.

I'm calling some of you out at the end of this post.

If you follow me on twitter or instagram, you are well-informed of the saga that is my hair. In case you missed out, I went to get my hair cut at a salon the other day, by a lady who "specializes" in curly hair. I had the highest of hopes. She asked whether I would like it styled straight or curly. Having never been to anyone before who even pretended to know what to do with curly hair, I asked for it to be styled curly. And this was the end result.

As she kept telling me that this was "so so cute," I started wondering whether I was just.... not with it enough to recognize cute when I saw it? But many of you confirmed that in fact, this is not cute. This is a hot mess. My mother (always the first one I complain to, always the first one to offer rays of sunshine) reminded me that it was not as bad as "that one time in high school when a "stylist" blew it out straight" for me. My hair looks awful every time I come out of a salon so I cannot remember specific horrible experiences, but THANK YOU MOM for reminding me that I have looked worse. I reminded her that that was 50lbs ago, and it's easier to deal with bad hair when you're skinny. She countered with "you are healthy, have beautiful babies, a handsome husband..." I struck back with, "I live in HELL and my cute dog smells like ass." Then she called me and I had to own up to the fact that I was being dramatic. For reference, this is what my hair looks like now.

A little frizzy and frazzled at the end of the day, but Molly seems to like it, judging by her near-constant death grips on it.

LOOK AT THE CHUB CAN SHE GET ANY CUTER?! Also, she does own clothes, she just never happens to be wearing any when I take my camera out.

My parents came to town this past weekend to visit and to take my sister back home since school starts up soon. I love having them around. Always funny stories, good food, and hands that are looking to hold or play with a child.

Sam was already in bed during that particular "photo shoot." But the next morning, he was back to work, demonstrating to his adoring fans the fine art of properly separating shapes.

Molly watches with anticipation. "When is he going to pull some milk outta that box? Isn't that what we're all waiting on?"

I also made this monstrosity.

Back home in Alabama, my dad's shop caters to BOTH teams (I know, the things people do to make money), so I made him a little decoration to hang some tshirts from. Fear not, I'm making an Auburn one too. AND IT WILL BE BIGGER AND BETTER WAR EAGLE!

Why won't they come live with me? Are those cheeks not sweet enough? (Rhetorical question. Those cheeks ARE sweet enough. Too sweet, actually. Sweet enough to give you the die-uh-beetus if you kiss them too much.)

Yes, this is as happy as Sam can muster on-demand while sharing the spotlight with his sister.

He much prefers some one-on-one time with Pops.

And then, after these photos, they packed up and left us. (I don't know why they would do that either.) So now we're back to the usual: pumping, feeding, errands, diapers, laundry, dishes, timeouts, playdates, cooking, sweating. (Ok, to be fair, the sweating never stopped.)

Now that it is almost the weekend, and I am done recapping LAST weekend, I need to ask y'all a favor. More than anything, I love when y'all leave me comments and let me know what you thought about what I've written. I try to respond to every! single! comment! Seriously, I do. But if you're wondering why I haven't responded to your comment (I know you all sit on the edge of your seats, checking your email, waiting for me to respond...), it's because you don't have your email address set up for me to reply to. Stupidly, I reply to every comment, even the ones that say I'm emailing noreply-comment@blogger.com, but I would much rather respond to YOU! Repeat offenders being:

Ruthie
Kerri
Stephanie
Aggie

I'm sure there are more of you out there, but those are just the most recent comments I've tried replying to. Also, Kerri, I am flattered you think I look like that Olympic swimmer. I wish that was the reason I haven't been blogging much lately. I also wish I had an Olympic swimmer's body. Amen.

This post leads me to believe that I need an Erin Condren planner. You know, for blogging purposes and such.

Today I have somehow magically convinced both children to nap at the same time. I know, I have no clue how it happened either. Yet, here I am again with almost nothing to write about...

I could tell you about how I got pooped on yesterday morning at 5am, or how I asked Steve to buy turkey breakfast sausage and he came back with hotdogs (reason #98512377896432 to not let a man do the grocery shopping), or how we went to Nashville on Saturday and it was so exhausting that I never want to leave my house "for fun" ever again... But all of that sounds pretty boring to me.

So I just googled "what to blog about." (No, really. I did.) Here were some of the tips I found.

- Blog some rhetorical questions that are on your mind.

Hm. Ok. Why did Ft Campbell just build a gigantor $22 million commissary, yet didn't create wider aisles? You rearranged the ENTIRE store, so now people are parking in the middle of the aisles like defunct tractor trailers because they can't find anything and we are still encountering the most major of grocery buggy traffic jams. GAH. (Side note: How many of you say "buggy" and how many say "cart"?)

- Share something that you do to make your work easier.

I started using my dishwasher again. (How very 2012 of me, huh?) Thanks to some lovely instagram friends of mine who directed me to the awesomeness of Lemi-Shine, I'm back to the 21st century here, folks. The wonder and awe that I still get from throwing dishes in a machine and having them pop out clean? It's worth the three dollars for that little 1970s bottle of awesomeness. 

I would prefer to slit my wrists before washing a cheese grater by hand. Which is usually what happens when I wash it by hand anyway.

- Recruit a fictitious or All Star team to join you on a project or adventure and write about how they'd compliment you and each other.

This one is easy. First round picks would be Elaine, baby-whisperer-extraordinaire, to be our live-in child-question-answerer; Paula Deen, to cook some meals; Jillian Michaels, to make me look like I don't eat Paula's meals; my mom, because who doesn't want their mom around?; Stacy and Clinton, to make me look like I don't experience poop and puke on the regular; and last, but not least, Martha Stewart, to keep my house looking clean and organized, yet decorated tastefully for every occasion. I guess I'll have to have someone else come on board too to keep an eye on her, what with her being a felon and all. Maybe Big?

- What's the most annoying thing you have to do as part of your daily routine and how could technology fix it?  Be as detailed on how the product would function as possible.

Oh man, I could list a frillion different answers for this question. But I'd say that there is a three-way-tie between making dinner, pumping milk, and changing diapers.

This theoretical machine (which is me in real life, in case that's not glaringly obvious), would never forget to thaw anything out for dinner. It would not let time slip away during the day and cause us to eat dinner at 7. It would also figure out a way to occupy the children while it cooked, because I'll be busy sipping my wine.

The machine would also need to produce breastmilk. I know this is asking a lot, but again, this gives me time to sip some wine and not think about the dinner that I'm not making.

And changing diapers- do I even need to give reasons for this one? There's the poop, the getting pooped on, and dealing with screamy people who apparently enjoy sitting in their own poop rather than being in a clean diaper. I'm not grossed out by it, but I would just love to avoid it forever and ever amen.

Reason #49871235736 to wear yoga pants

- Read something in a totally different genre like philosophy or history and try and put it in the context of your job.

AHAHAHAHAHA. Next.

- Comment on two seemingly juxtaposed approaches to success in your area? Why does each work? Are they really mutually exclusive?

Say what?

- Write about someone or something that you appreciate.

Wine, I appreciate you. Yesterday was just, ugh, not enjoyable. But there you were, waiting all day long for me in the fridge with your cheap little screw top, as if to say, "You don't even need to be completely sober or have a special tool to open me up. I'm $5 of awesome." And you WERE. Thanks. I had to dump 5.5oz of milk afterwards due to my test strips telling me that Molly might be drinking her own bottle of Riesling, but it was so totally worth it.

What do you blog about when there's nothing going on?

*Questions taken from here.*

If you wanna see me in a bikini...

...circa 2009, hop on over to Kate's blog. I'm guest-posting there today about mine and Steve's failed attempt at a honeymoon. Enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, because you'll never (ever!) catch me in a bikini again.

I'm back to bring you more trailer photos, obviously.

What the heck y'all? I'm turning into one of these occasional I'll-spit-out-some-sort-of-post-every-few-weeks type of blogger. Although I knew that my alone time would take a nose-dive after Child #2 arrived, I did not anticipate my alone time to be completely wiped off the map. But, well, it has. No one cares to nap at the same time, the dishwasher hasn't magically fixed itself, and the cloth diapers need to be washed every day apparently. But wah wah wah, this is not what you came here for. Let me fill you in on what's been happening lately.

• I went to take a 20 minute nap get my teeth cleaned for the first time in seven years a few weeks ago. I think the hygienist needed a massage after scraping my teeth. She kept rolling her neck and "shakin' it out" and apologizing for taking breaks. But my mouth feels/looks/smells lots better. What I don't understand is why I got a goodie bag with floss in it when I left? 
• Steve and I went on another date. This time to Beachaven's Jazz On The Lawn. It was..... interesting. People who most definitely fill their weekends with Nattie Lights were chugging blackberry wine straight from the bottles (classy). We went to the tasting area and proceeded to taste as many wines as we were allowed before the dude pouring sippy cups started giving me the evil eye. (Is it frowned upon to get a buzz while tasting? It's not everyday I go wine tasting afterall.) Then we settled on the wine that didn't taste like a plastic kiddie pool or the bottom of a shoe. Overall, it was fun. There were kids there, which, meh,  I wish it was strictly an adult shindig. But the wine blocked out the kids after a while. Also, while in line to confirm our age, I noticed that the girl in line behind us looked veeeerrrry familiar. Turns out, she was one of the Melanie's. The one that was tasked with the catheter job. I considered turning around and saying something, maybe introducing myself, but she was with a guy and bringing up the efficient and timely placement of my catheter on her date seemed.... weird. Much less weird is pretending to take my own picture while secretly taking hers.

Obviously she is the cute one directly behind us, not the scary one with the sunglasses. Oh wait, that's a dude. The other one with the raccoon eyes is not her either, although she's just as scary. Alright, I'm just about drunk on Haterade now so I'll stop.

• We also went to a Sips and Strokes type of joint to paint some "art." Haaaa. Well. Steve was the only male there, but being totally secure in his masculinity, he charged forward and painted to the best of his ability. Come to find out, neither of us has any real ability.  

Our paintings were supposed to look like this:

Sorry it's so blurry, I had to copy the tiny icon off of their website: swirlz.com/bookaclass.
But this is clearly not what we painted. 

This could be why I consider the monthly dipping of my kids' feet in paint and smashing them onto a canvas as my creative flex.

• In really sad news, my freezer stash of milk is all but gone (only one bag left!). Remember how we got a deep freezer and I promptly filled it up with milk since I am a dairy cow and all? Well, my supply took a nosedive. I had everything to make a bottle of formula in case push came to shove. But I was having such a STRUGGLE with giving her formula! (???) Not sure why, because I supplemented Sam with formula throughout and then switched him over completely at six months. Why is it so hard to do the same for Molly? I never understood those moms who were having severe anxiety over giving up breastfeeding or supplementing with formula. For me, it seems like a black and white issue. You can't make enough breastmilk/can't latch/don't want to breastfeed/insert general breastfeeding issue here, just give the kid formula. No big deal. Why stress over this?? But now? Oh now, I get it. I still can't even explain it, but it was basically the most extreme case of Mom Guilt I've ever experienced. LUCKILY, I started listening to my body. That is simple hippie-speak for "EAT MORE CARBS." I had started replacing some of my daily carbs with fruits and veggies (healthy, right? WRONG) and that is when I started going from producing 6oz per session to 2oz. Luckily, I am now keeping up with her massive intake and am back to regularly pumping 5-6oz per session with a nice, healthy 12oz pump first thing in the morning. Oh, why the giant milk supply in the morning, you ask? It might be because WE'RE SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT HERE FOLKS. Yep, not even three months old and this baby is a rockstar. (Am knocking on every available piece of wood and you should too pleaseandthankyou.) 
• AM RACKING MY BRAIN FOR OTHER THINGS I NEED TO UPDATE YOU ON BEFORE THE SIMULTANEOUS NAPPING ENDS.... GAAAAHHHH....
• Search keywords. I enjoy checking these things every so often (and hearing about Mrs. K's as well). Some of mine have been interesting lately.
• "child who only eats chips" - Yes, my child only eats chips. But they're VEGGIE chips. So I'm a good mom dammit.
• "army paycheck" - No, they don't come nearly often enough.
• "grandma kegstand" - Personally, I have never seen a grandma do a kegstand, but I have a feeling that if you need to see that, youtube would probably be the place to find it.
• "it was bussy" - I don't even know what that means
• "if I'm already hairy will I get hairy with my pregnancy" - I'm not sure, but probably? And is someone trying to insinuate that I'm hairy? I shave AT LEAST once a week now, y'all. Geez. Some high standards around here.
• "gluten free military fort campbell" - No, Fort Campbell does not have a good selection of gluten free foods. At least not food that's in-date. If you enjoy expired GF breakfast bars though, you can really stock up.
• "lieutenate" "liutenant" "luitenant" - None of y'all can spell. It's ok. It's a tricky word. I before E and all that jazz.
• And my most recent personal favorite: "mess with me you mess with the whole trailer park" - Word. 
• Speaking of trailer parks, while we were in Auburn for Molly's baptism (aka The Post That Was Never Written), Steve and I stopped by all of our old trailers. (You know you're a redneck when... you can refer to multiple trailers that were once in your possession.) (And I cannot wait to see the search terms that come from that one sentence.) For your viewing pleasure...

We started with the scariest one first. This was the trailer that I lived in with my younger brother. A loaded shotgun was kept next to my bed at night and it was robbed about a week after we sold it. (Yes, someone ACTUALLY bought this from us.)

Slightly less scary and considerably larger. This was Steve's trailer for about a year or so. Not a bad neighborhood, but I still didn't like walking to my car at night. Ever. Unless I was carrying my shotgun, of course.

And here she is: Our First Place. The Least Ghetto Of Them All.

Well folks, children are awakening and that's about all the time we have for today. Hopefully it won't be three weeks before I post again. In the meantime, you should follow me on twitter and instagram (jmr0006)!