That time we spent New Year's Eve in a Korean Emergency Room

Alternately titled: IF IT WEREN'T FOR BAD LUCK, WE WOULD HAVE NO LUCK.

New Year's Eve started out like any other day off. We made breakfast at home, hung out with the kids, and then decided to hit up a kids' cafe. We had big plans to go out to dinner with friends and then ring in the new year with drinks and desserts at their house. I wanted the kids to nap late and long, so off to a kids' cafe to burn some energy we go.

We arrived and were the only people there and Steve suddenly said he didn't feel well. He went to the bathroom and puked a few times and then came out looking like a new man. He bounced with the kids on the trampoline and everything seemed fine. "Must have been something I ate!" he said. Not too long after that, he started feeling ill again. He went to the bathroom again and came out looking less than chipper. We left the kids' cafe soon after and he laid in bed (whilst still puking) and I got the kids some lunch and put them down for naps. I went to check on him and give him some pedialyte and everything that was going down was coming right back up. I called my friend and asked if I could drop off the kids while I took Steve to the TMC. She graciously took them (Molly screamed. She only seems to like me if I'm going somewhere without her.) and Steve and I raced off to post. He was complaining of trouble breathing and his arms and legs were going numb. He felt like he was going to black out. This, naturally, petrifies me because stomach bugs don't do this and what is wrong with my strong-as-a-horse husband?!

We get to the TMC (Troop Medical Clinic) on post and they look at us like we're aliens. They are basically staff duty at the clinic, I guess. They took his vitals anyway and then he really started having trouble breathing. I was so scared. They called a nurse and she tried (and failed twice) to insert an IV. All of his veins were collapsing since he was so dehydrated. After a third prick, they got him and started him on saline. He had an oxygen mask on (about 2 sizes too small for a grown man) and Steve's arms and hands were stiff and locked in this freakish position. Like he had claw hands. He couldn't unclench them and couldn't feel them. They decided to ship us via ambulance to a Korean hospital in a nearby city, about 30 minutes away.

Let me tell you for a moment about the medical setup here. The medical screenings (and EFMP screenings) that everyone who gets stationed overseas bitches and moans about? Those screenings are in place for a very good reason. Reason being- no one here (in Korea) knows what the hell they're doing. If you are sick, or likely to become sick, or have some sort of condition that needs specialty treatment, well, this is not where you want to be stationed. They just simply aren't equipped to handle any more than a sprained ankle or some mild menstrual cramps. Our TMC barely functions. The "real" hospital in Seoul (on post) is an hour and a half away, and that's with minimal traffic. Factor in real traffic and it can take 2-3 hours to get there. The only real "option" for us up here medically, is to go to this one Korean hospital that accepts Tricare. They speak English, but it is limited English. For example, this nurse was digging for more of Steve's blood, and she was trying to say, "You are going to feel a pinch." But instead, she said, "You going to feel.... ahhhh.... uhhhh... owee?" I asked the guy who seemed to speak the most English how much longer we had to wait on test results. He said, "You wait... won tuh too owuhs?" I said, "Yes, we HAVE been waiting one to two hours. How much LONGER do we have to wait?" "Ahhh... you wait... won tuh too owuhs. Ohkay?" !@#$%^&*(*&^%$#

Also, Korean hospital beds = very tiny.

Back to the story.

They load us up into the ambulance. Korean driver, Army medic guy, Steve on a gurney, me. No seatbelts in sight. The Korean drivers pay no mind to the ambulance with the siren going. No one bothers to move out of the way. So the driver does things that I've honestly only ever seen on Mario Kart. I'm only sorry now I didn't film some of it. But other things had my attention of course. Things like my husband not breathing properly and holding onto the gurney for dear life because WE BECAME AIRBORNE after rocketing across an embankment of ice in the road (because we were driving on the construction-work side of the road since the drivers wouldn't move out of our way, and apparently that doesn't get plowed all too often, or, ever). After wondering if any of us were going to survive the ride down there, we start to pull off onto our exit. Steve has to hurl again. Poor medic tries to unbuckle Steve as quickly as he can while also shoving what looks like a child's potty seat under his face. Success. We finally make it to the hospital and then go back to the triage section.

It is NOT like the US hospitals where there is privacy and cleanliness and order. It was- walk in, see a dude's junk hanging out while also noticing a very large and painful-looking flesh wound, stand here, make sure you take off his shoes (Korean priorities), watch the nurse rearrange the IV so that he bleeds all over the bed, tell us they need more, um, ah, uh, BLOOD and proceed to pull his pants down so they can take it from his groin (twice) (ouch), hold the bandages there for him ("five minute!") because apparently they don't spring for bandaids, wheel him down for a CT scan, wheel him back to a "private" wing (We are right across from flesh-wound-I-saw-your-junk guy. Awesome.), watch eleventy billion other people come in and have no privacy, wonder if this is real life or if you're watching a movie in 3D (complete with smells), flag down multiple people to ask what the hell is going on, get nowhere, ask some more, get discharged, go to the Korean pharmacy, ask what the medicine is ("is medeesin" duh), call friend to pick you up, go home.

Feels like death- still manages to be the hottest guy I've ever seen.

We had to go back to the TMC to get our car, then drove to our friend's house to pick up the kids. We finally get upstairs and put the kids to bed and shower off, vowing to burn all the clothing we wore to the hospital in the morning, and go to bed at midnight. Happy freaking new year.

For those curious- we never heard back on any of the test results. At one point they told us we had to wait for them, and then later a nurse told us to tell her when we were ready to leave. (?) We are hoping it was just dehydration and that pedialyte/soup/gatorade/crackers/sleep will have him feeling back to normal soon. Thanks for the prayers and please keep 'em coming. My goal is that no one gets sick here again. Ever. Please. God. Amen.

2013 recap

This year went by lightening-fast, didn't it? Except when it didn't (read: the eleventy billion hour plane rides that shaved no less than three years off my life).

What were your highlights of 2013?

• Steve and I decided to volunteer for Korea
• I was told my baby needed goat milk 
• I flew to California to meet internet friends (who are now firmly planted in the Real Life Friends category)
• I ran my first 5k in the snow
• my own personal hell ended and Steve came home from Afghanistan 
• we went kayaking with our neighbors (and I still have the tan lines to prove it)
• we accidentally ran a 10k 
• we flew to Philly to visit Steve's family
• my family came to visit one last time before we moved (just looking at photos of our old backyard makes me want to bawl)
• we drove to Atlanta, and then flew to Seattle, and then to Japan, and then to Korea, and then I wanted to commit no fewer than ten violent felonies
• we lived in a hotel for what felt like months
• and then we lived in an empty apartment for actual months
• Steve paid to have me physically assaulted 
• we celebrated four years of marriage 
• Molly continued to be really sick 
• Steve and I ate our most delicious meal to date
• Sam turned 3 on the same weekend that we saw North Korea
• we celebrated Halloween twice
• we celebrated Thanksgiving twice
• I bitched and moaned a lot about my failed Christmas cards
• then I bitched about them some more 
• and we finally celebrated Christmas

Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

As much as I love a good list, I did not make any resolutions last year. Except to survive, and I have. So check that one off! My resolutions for this year aren't terribly tangible.

• Be present.
• Be patient.
• Be kind.

Probably starting a swear jar though, just in case.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Kate had the sweet-cheeked and chinned Wells. 

Did anyone close to you die?
My sweet granddaddy passed away soon after we moved to Korea.

What countries did you visit?
California (smile), Japan, Korea

What would you like to have in 2014 that you didn't have in 2013?
time to myself

What dates from 2013 will be etched upon your memory, and why?
Steve's homecoming (for obvious reasons) and our big move overseas (the day I said "so long!" to my sanity)

What was your biggest achievement of this year?
Starting my own photography business in October. I love it. Love love love LOVE IT.

What was your biggest failure?
Not learning any Korean before moving to Korea

What's the best thing you ate?
this meal at Mad For Garlic

What's the best thing you bought?
a 50mm lens

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Steve coming home from deployment and the thought of not parenting two kids by myself anymore

What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I had exercised more, gone to church every Sunday, displayed more patience towards my children, watched House Hunters while I still had the chance

Compared to this time last year, are you: a) richer or poorer? b) happier or sadder? c) thinner or fatter?
a) richer in the best way possible
b) happier- my husband is home with me!
c) thinner, but probably not by much

Did you fall in love in 2013?
Yes. As much as I hated that deployment, it really is an incredible experience to be reunited with your other half and have the chance for butterflies of that magnitude again.

What was your favorite TV program?
The Office (although I never watched it on actual cable)

How did you spend Christmas?
with my family of four and our friends

What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
Steve took me to out for dinner and I turned 27. I think. (Update: That is accurate. I literally just did the math on a calculator because I honestly couldn't remember.)

How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2013?
Is that waistband stretchy? Does that shirt look like it will show snot? Let me wear that.

What kept you sane?
wine, my God-sent friends, coffee, Steve (not necessarily in that order, but maybe sometimes in that order)

Tell me a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
Enjoy YOUR life. I was reading blogs one day and found myself becoming very envious. I wish I lived closer to my family. I wish I looked as great as she does. I wish my kids behaved as well as hers. I wish I lived there. I don't think she appreciates how great her life is.

Then God said (who else could it be, talking to me during the complete silence of a simultaneous nap?!), Maybe you don't appreciate YOUR life enough.

Gulp. And it's true. I don't. I compare. All too often, I look at others' blessings and forget the ones that are staring right at me.

• my loving husband
• my healthy kids
• a roof over my head
• food in the pantry
• the opportunity to live overseas
• supporting family back home

I'm trying my hardest to be more mindful of what I have, and to remember that no one's life is perfect, despite what their highlight reel (facebook/blog/instagram) shows. I love my life and I want to appreciate every single beautiful, hard, amazing, painful, surprising, messy facet of it.

This photo resulted from a failed potty attempt and some good early morning light in Sam's room. Messy and beautiful collide.

********

Now I'm tagging you to answer! Feel free to steal the top picture and tag your friends as well. Answer some/all/make up more/whatever you'd like. 

Rachel at The Ross Family

Erin at A Military Mama

Sarah at Dandelions and Daffodils

Kate at Daffodils

Allison at Keep Calm and Soldier On

Lauren at Above the 45th

Erika at Chambanachik

Molly at Carry Your Heart With Me

Trish at Everyday Trish

Sam at Moody Mama

Erin at The Fierce Beagle

and anyone else who wants to participate! I'd love to tag every blog I read, but this is a one-woman show, and someone just pooped their pants. 

Happy New Year! Hope it's the happiest and healthiest year yet!

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  - See more at: http://www.shelikespurple.com/shelikespurple/2013/12/200720082009-2010-2011-and-2012-inspired-all-these-years-by-linda-1-what-did-you-do-in-2013-that-youd-never-done-be.html#sthash.AU4am36G.dpuf

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  - See more at: http://www.shelikespurple.com/shelikespurple/2013/12/200720082009-2010-2011-and-2012-inspired-all-these-years-by-linda-1-what-did-you-do-in-2013-that-youd-never-done-be.html#sthash.AU4am36G.dpuf

Buckle up, this is lengthy- Christmas 2013

• I really like posts that I don't have to think up titles for.
• I'm currently
• eating: leftover bacon dip and sweet garlic bread for lunch (jealous?)
• ignoring: the massive pile of dishes from hosting Christmas dinner last night
• listening to: quiet. Both kids are down for naps before lunch. It's mostly for their safety (read: my sanity) but also because they didn't sleep long enough last night.
• watching: the snow fall
• waiting: for Steve's "half day" to end (HA! The Army has a sick sense of humor.)
• wishing: for the dishes to wash themselves
• hoping: that my Christmas cards are being transported via plane and not boat
• praying: that everyone realizes Christmas just started. It doesn't end til 6 January!
• Everyone has been writing about their various Christmas traditions all month long, and it kinda made me feel like a loser because
1. we don't really have any traditions outside of what we do with our families, and
2. we aren't with our families. Also,
3. I had no motivation to come up with new traditions.
• But what happened last night will surely be recreated for years to come. We hosted a "favorite things" dinner and I think it might just be the best dinner I've had. I made the traditional food for Thanksgiving and it was mostly stress. Stress because I am usually a spectator during the holiday food prep, and stress because play kitchens have bigger ovens than I do, and stress because I also am not skilled at time management and making a food-cooking-game-plan. So to avoid all the stress, I just asked everyone what their favorite things were. Then I made them. The menu?
• spinach dip with sweet garlic bread
• creamy bacon dip with crackers
• homemade breaded ranch chicken nuggets
• our favorite fried chicken from across the street*
• cracker mix aka "crack"
• taco salad with Doritos
• macaroni and cheese
• beer
• sweet tea
• (forgot to make pizza rolls and chocolate dipped everything, but they were on the initial list)

SNEAKY.

• It. was. AMAZING. If I'm going to eat a fatty meal on Christmas, by God, I want those calories to be filled with bacon and carbs. Amen. Also amazing was the fact that most of this menu could be prepped or made in advance, thus relieving the easy bake oven from becoming overworked on Christmas Day. It was easy and delicious and as good as it gets when we can't be home with family for the holidays.
• *Let me tell you about that chicken. I tell Steve that as much as I miss Chick-fil-A (and drive-thrus in general), I think I am going to cry long and hard when we leave Korea because we won't be able to go to this chicken place anymore. It is directly across the street from us and run by a sweet little family. The mom is cooking in the kitchen with a baby strapped to her back, the other toddler is sleeping in a hammock by the front door, and the dad hops on his scooter and delivers the chicken all over town. Pass a health inspection in the States, it will not, but I can look past all of that as I'm eating this fried, sweet, soy sauce deliciousness. Words can't even describe it, you should just come visit and give me an excuse to eat this stuff again. (Although, note: I need no special reasons to eat it again.) Anyways, we really wanted this chicken to be a part of our favorite things dinner so Steve asked a KATUSA (Korean Augmentation To the United States Army) how to say "Are you open on Christmas?" He relayed this information to me, and I set off to ask. (For the record, Steve always goes and orders the chicken, I just go and ask the weird questions.) The grandmother sitting inside just laughs at me as I squeak out my botched Korean. The husband stares at me blankly. The woman cooking comes out and I slowly say my line, trying to make sure I use the right inflection so as to not come across as demanding they open up on Christmas, but rather asking if they are. She looks confused, then starts motioning like she's eating and then says, "Christmas?" And I say, "Yes! Yes! Are you open on Christmas?" (Forget the Korean! Maybe they will understand me if I start speaking English very quickly!) She smiles and says no. Like, you silly American! I will be eating with MY family on Christmas! *Walk of shame out the door.* I tell Steve of this devastating news and he said, "They must not have known you are mine. I'll go talk to them." And while I (obviously) planned for enough food outside of the fried chicken, Steve went across the street anyway on Christmas day and sure enough- they were open! Maybe we celebrate Christmas on different days? Maybe they were just there cooking for themselves and not actually open? Maybe Steve slipped them an extra 20? WHO KNOWS. Steve walked in, pointed to our usual picture that looks nothing like what we actually order, and walked out. And behold, on this day in Dongducheon, the father delivered unto us our chicken, via scooter. And the angels sang many praises!

Just found out last night that the white squares in the bottom containers (that I always eat) are pickled radishes. Hmm. I can count that as a serving of veggies, right? (They are delicious.)

•  And now, since I appear to be doing my recap backwards, Christmas photos.

"Helping" me make cookies for Santa (and staff duty). Molly giving me the ol' stink eye.

Waiting for Myer to wake up. Santa managed to finish the cookies (but not all those "pankles") and left a note. The one and only time I got to see gifts under our scrawny tree. The present spread.

A stone cold fox holding a "The ass" mug (Korean dollar tree did not disappoint this year). Steve in footie pajamas. The man can rock a onesie.

Building with blocks

The dollar flashlights in their stockings are a huge hit. Molly got a Thomas the Train named Molly in her stocking. She was a bit blown away. She also wasted no time in showing Sam how his train set was supposed to be played with.

Molly was very into Christmas. She thought everything was for her and she thoroughly enjoyed herself. Until it was time to eat, and then she was all, FEED ME NOW LEST I STARVE.

 So then we sang happy birthday to Jesus, ate funfetti waffles, and drank mimosas. Life is good.

Allow me to kick off Festivus early with my airing of grievances

• If you don't know what Festivus is, that means you don't watch Seinfeld, and I'm not sure we can be friends.
• I told you the other day (or week) about my Christmas cards being horribly late. Let me elaborate for you because the story gets worse. I ordered these suckers the first week of November. I thought SURELY that is enough time to receive them, address them, and mail them back stateside so they would arrive in mailboxes during the first week of December (which is the imaginary, although, in my head, totally enforceable time frame in which Christmas cards should be delivered). Due to arrive at the end of November, they were nowhere to be found, and tracking showed that they had been shipped via tugboat. Maybe even paddle boat, I'm not sure of the details. Anyway, I messaged the company and let them know they were really late and they said they'd send another batch. They were STILL late in arriving and basically I got them 2 days ago and there is no time to get them back stateside by Christmas. Which defeats the purpose of sending a Christmas card. So I messaged the company again and after much persuading, was given a refund. This hardly takes away the sting for me because I LOVE SENDING CHRISTMAS CARDS. I'd say it's probably my favorite Christmas activity. (Until this year.) It's a way to give our new address out to family and friends and let them know we've moved, and to also let them see how big the kids are. I think photo cards are fun to display and I am one of those weird people that hangs them up all over her kitchen and then saves them all year after year. This year was kinda puny. No one sent us a Christmas card (outside of immediate family and Rachel) probably because no one knows our address. Hence my major disappointment over this Christmas card debacle. ANYWAYS. Let me finish whining about these cards. So I got this new printer at the Yongsan PX the other day. I plan on using it for photography contracts, etc. But I thought, oh I can use it to print return address labels! So Steve goes and finds address labels. I begin to set up the new printer. The computer asks me to connect the printer. Except..... they failed to include a USB cord to hook the frickin' thing up. All the curse words. I go ahead and address them all in the meantime, because surely we have one of these cords lying around here somewhere. (We do not.) After my early onset carpal tunnel sets in, I realize that I'm not licking all 100 envelopes shut (I don't wanna end up like Susan Ross, after all) so I start to tape them. Steve comments that it looks a bit sketchy, so then I find some Christmas stickers and begin to carefully (sort of) place stickers on the edges of the envelopes. I also got this stamp with our last name, and underneath that, our last name in Korean. So I thought that would be cool to use! I get going with the stamping (above the spot where I'd put our return address label). I stamp all 100 envelopes and then stack some up. Wait. The ink must not be dry yet. It's smearing! All over the other envelopes! I quickly arrange all the envelopes so they are receiving lots of air to help them dry. I admire my work. Hours later Steve touches an envelope and says that it is still smearing. @#$%^&*(^%$! Apparently this Korean inkpad is just a piece of shit. So I pick up every envelope and place a tiny piece of clear tape over the stamp. We go to the PX today to see if they sell a cord for the printer. They do. Amen. We go home and it doesn't fit. Because of course. So Steve tells me he will try a few Korean stores and no we don't have time for that. I set out to write our return address by hand on every envelope. It's sloppy, I apologize, but I got it done in record time. I also have full-blown carpal tunnel now. I get them all stacked up for Steve to take to the post office. It's already closed. Of course. All of this to say, if you get a Christmas card from me, just know that I'm well aware that it's late, it's crushing a piece of my soul, and more effort went into those damn cards than I put into all of the laundry this week. "Merry Christmas! Holy shit!"
• AFN, the only radio station we have over here, should not be playing crappy Christmas songs nonstop. Either play a classic Christmas song, or a contemporary Christmas song, or no Christmas songs. Do not play some 1970s unheard-of Christmas music. I cannot take it. I cannot. I only get out of the house alone so many times. When I get into the car, I wanna be able to jam out to some semi-recent music (in a nerdy, SAHM kind of way). I don't wanna suffer through some God-awful rendition of Frosty the Snowman from an "artist" that was popular a decade before I was born. Someone fix this please. AFN, if you're reading, I also don't appreciate you telling everyone the roads are SNOWCON LEVEL RED when they're not. These babies are plowed and salted. If someone from south Alabama can handle it, I'm thinking everyone else will be okay. We don't need to scare anyone else into driving 20 mph or whatever the hell that translates into for kilometers per hour. (Can you guess who can't convert? And who also unknowingly speeds a lot?)
• Sam has started doing this thing wherein he will wake up at 4am and then stand in our bedroom doorway, breathing heavily, until I notice his presence. Not only is this THE CREEPIEST THING EVER, but hello, it's also 4am. My heavenly offspring have suddenly plotted to start sleeping like infants again, waking up at all hours of the night and morning. Sometimes they need something (Sam gacked up something all over his bed a few times this morning), sometimes they don't (Molly just stands up and wails, and then doesn't seem to know how to get back down to the pillow).  I can only drink so much coffee before I start experiencing some unpleasant side effects, so if the earth could just tilt back a degree or two to wherever it was spinning before, that would be greatly appreciated.
• Ok, mostly I wanted to rant about the damn Christmas cards, so I think I'm done. At the rate I'm going with the blogging thing lately, I won't post again until the new year! Who knows though- I might get crazy and post something again before then (I am sure you will all be checking and refreshing your browsers like mad....). Either way, Merry Christmas, happy whatever-you-celebrate, be safe, be happy, and eat an extra helping for me of the most fattening thing on your dinner table Christmas day.

This "Merry Christmas" sign makes up about 1/3 of our Christmas decor. The Christmas books littered all over the floor make up the rest.

Brownies, I'm a Scrooge, bedtime woes, poop (of course), and snow

• I really love the Little Debbie Christmas Tree brownies that Steve's Aunt Amy sent us. I mean, I really like them. Lucky for me, it's that time of the month week for me to take out the massive load of recycling (always more fun when it takes 30 minutes to deck everyone out in snow gear!) and I can get rid of the box before Steve realizes we ever had Christmas Tree Brownies. God bless Aunt Amy. And Little Debbie.

 

• Why the sudden binge on brownie trees? Well I made some sugar cookies the other day. The recipe (courtesy of Pinterest and the search button that yields results for searches like "easiest simplest foolproof sugar cookie recipe no baking powder") told me to bake for 11 minutes, or until the edges begin browning and appear done. Apparently "done" in my language is the equivalent to burned. They were brown all right. And they'll take out your front tooth if you forget what you're biting into.
• I've been having a hard time finding my Christmas mojo this year. Last year I did the Advent activities and really planned everything out. The only problem was that last year, no one was old enough to care. This year, people are more aware of what's going on and I just have no desire to do any of it. We only packed our nativity set and naturally, there is nowhere to put it without risking a wise man's head. Molly is very grabby these days. If something is set out on a tabletop, she assumes it was put there for her to have. So even if that requires her to move a chair, climb it, and then scale the kitchen table so she can walk on top of it over to the counter and lean into the kitchen sink? Yeah, that dish soap is hers. (It's always fun to be fully soaped up in the shower and have Sam wander in saying, "Myer on the table!" Cue my soapy panic attack.) So no nativity scene. We have a few decorations from the Korean dollar tree and we even got a Charlie Brown-esque tree and strung some lights on it. It's even SNOWING OUTSIDE for Pete's sake and I'm finished Christmas shopping and we read Christmas books and..... nothing. 
• In an effort to get into the Christmas spirit, we made gingerbread houses with a friend the other day. Well, we attempted to make them. It was a nasty mess of pieces that sadly kept letting gravity affect them and while we were all dying of laughter at our sad little houses, the kids were biting off Snoopy's head and dumping massive bags of marshmallows everywhere. Crafty, we are not. 

• Also, I am starting to wonder if they give out the crafty mom gene at the hospital tour. I didn't go to any hospital birthing classes or tours before having either child so I'm wondering if that's where I went wrong. I literally have no motivation to do it. I finally got Sam a pair of safety scissors though, so maybe he will go to kindergarten only needing to learn how to write, color, play with playdoh, use an inside voice, stand in a line, and use the potty. But the boy will be able to cut multiple jagged edges into a piece of construction paper, dammit!
• Steve took command this week. Yes, he's still a lieutenant, he's just an overachiever. Actually, Steve's commander went back to the states to spend the holidays with her family, so he is just filling in. But I told him I wanted to come up to work and take pictures of her handing him the assumption of command papers ("change of command"). Just for shits and giggles. And maybe we have a touch of cabin fever.
• I think we might convert Sam's bed into a toddler bed soon. Am I crazy for giving up the cage when it's clearly still working so well??? I really love opening my eyes on my own volition instead of having someone kissing me in the face and yelling that it's time for Thomas and OH YEAH THERE'S SNOW OUTSIDE! I ALSO PEED THE SHEETS AGAIN! YAY MORE LAUNDRY. (He thinks anyone can be awakened by giving them a kiss. It's a little lie story we started so that he would start showing us some affection instead of just jumping on us and assuming we are awake instantly.) My only reason for wanting to convert his crib is so that he doesn't end up in some sort of therapy later because of it. ("I slept in that crib until I was 10 and now I can't get a job and I just want to live in my parents' basement and eat Doritos forever!") For the record, he's only 3. But he has no job prospects and loves chips so there's my concern.
• Related to above: I literally wash his crib sheets every single day. He insists on drinking a bunch of water before bedtime and I have resorted to giving him one of Molly's sippy cups so he will stop wailing at me that he's "soooooOOOOooooooo THIRSTY! MOMMY! I need WATER! PLEEEEEEEASE MOMMYYYYYYYY!" Even without the sippy cup he was soaking through his diaper (which is an overnight kind). What's more concerning is that he now walks around the house asking where his pink princess sippy cup is. (Santa might bring him a more manly sippy cup, just sayin.) Steve says I should just ignore him and he will eventually stop asking for water at bedtime, but I hate to sit in our shoebox-sized apartment and listen to him wail and cry about being thirsty and go to bed on such a sour note every night. I can't ignore it! I can't! WHAT TO DO. (PS. I'm well aware it's a bedtime stall tactic. He's very skilled in this department. I just have no clue how to zap this behavior completely other than letting him stay up later, which NO. Not an option.)
• I ordered my Christmas cards the first week of November. They're still not here. And I don't think there are words to describe how much this is killing me. I emailed the company and complained and the customer service lady said that since they hadn't arrived yet, she could label them "lost" and send me a new shipment. I asked if she could send them priority mail so that they would go on the plane instead of the boat and she said they could only send them to APO's via "USPS Budget." I'm sorry, I didn't even know there was such a thing. I've never seen an option like that when I check out at the post office. The post office is all, "You can $hip your package$ $tandard or Priority, which is $uper fa$t. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" Friggin rip off. ANYWAYS. I still don't have Christmas cards. No one will get them from me in a time frame that I deem acceptable and I will most likely be rudely demanding kindly asking for a full refund. And word to my APO friends- don't use Mixbook!
• Molly appears to be infinitely more potty-trained than Sam. Mostly because she gets this horrified look on her face and clutches her bottom right before she goes #2, so she's very easy to read, and thus, gets whisked off to the potty quickly. Sam just plays quietly and after it's been awhile, you start wondering where he is and then he emerges from some hidden place with a big smile and a proclamation of "I have fwesh poo poo!" Except Molly apparently enjoys just not wearing a diaper, so she will fake a poop approximately 4 times per day, and even though the lazy in me wants to tell her to just crap her pants, I realize that that's probably counterproductive (and bad parenting) in terms of potty training. So we do the whole song and dance and we sit in the bathroom and mostly she just gets up and walks around without her diaper on. She played this game yesterday for the fourth (and final) time and when I stepped out of the room for two seconds to put laundry away, Sam exclaims that Molly pooped! Finally! But on the side of the toilet and then it fell on the floor. I should include the fact that Molly brought the potty into my bedroom, so she pooped on the floor right next to my bed. MY LIFE- SO GLAMOROUS.
• And now some snow pictures. Which is apparently acid snow. Thanks, China.

Myer didn't care for the snow that day.

Why do just a Thanksgiving recap when I can tell you about my entire week

• Went on a girls' day out on Tuesday. Naturally I only thought to take a picture of the food. To be fair though, it was really good food. Knocked out a bunch of Christmas shopping and then hit up the commissary child-free. Mamas, you know how good my day was!

I'd cut a btch for a breakfast burrito from Sonic (good taste- I have it), but this cheesy eggy hammy sandwich was pretty good too. Late lunch at a beef and leaf was amazing as well. I love all the sides!

• Sam really wanted to help me prep for the Thanksgiving meals. I was making cracker mix ("crack" for short), and he wanted to help stir. He'd graze the top of it with the spoon, then pick out 8 pieces to sample until I took the bowl away.

We later took the crack to a friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner and noticed Sam didn't even bother using his hands and just STUCK HIS ENTIRE FACE in the bowl. Ahhh yes, I couldn't be more proud of the manners we are instilling.

• Our first Thanksgiving meal was celebrated around lunchtime with lots of Army friends from our apartment complex. There was a TON of food and it was all amazing. I sampled a bit of everything and didn't have a single thing that wasn't delicious. And even if I did, I was eating so fast in order to continue refereeing kids that it wouldn't have mattered.

The spread, Molly, her confused face, and her boot twin (aka Dada aka Sofia), and one of the spicy turkeys I made (pre-shred).

• Overall, I think Thanksgiving food tastes better when someone else makes it (Mom and Dad) and when you can wear your stretchy pants at the dinner table without judgement. I opted for stretchy jeans and then mostly ate food that other people made. (Compromises.) We attended dinner at another friend's house later in the evening and I took zero pictures there. There were fewer people in attendance and the kids were fully contained, so I was quite busy eating everything in sight and not taking pictures. Overall, I ended up making 2 spicy turkeys, glazed carrots (brown sugar and butta' mmm), butter and garlic bread, garlic chicken puff bites, cracker mix, fudge, and knock you naked brownies. It was a most delicious Thanksgiving and while I really missed my family back home, I'm so very thankful to spend the holiday with Steve this year.
• I had my first Korea blate yesterday! Noel (who reeeeeeally needs to blog more often) was here in Korea visiting her husband, who just so happens to be stationed right down the road from where we're stationed. They needed some Christmas card photos, and I was more than happy to help. 

• And bonus! No one died while I was driving us around! Did I mention that I got my driver's license??

• Naturally I hadn't driven in four months, it was the first snow day of the season, and I'm from south Alabama, so you do the math. It took me 20 minutes to drive home (remember: we live 2.5 miles away), but I ran a red light just to be a Korean badass. (Don't freak out, it was just a pedestrian light. And there were no pedestrians in sight. And everyone does it. I promise.) I was driving yesterday and ran over a small hunk of ice while parking and almost DIED because it sounded like I crushed a small child and punctured the back tire. (I didn't.) Steve assures me my rapid breathing and threats to never drive anywhere again were an overreaction. This winter... it might be kinda long-ish.
• And possibly the best Thanksgivukkah present of all this year- our beloved Auburn Tigers pulled out a win this morning over the always big-headed Bama. Since we don't have cable, I was reading the play-by-play via twitter updates from Auburn and CBS and the anxiety- OH THE ANXIETY! I still can't believe we won. We screamed and laughed and danced and kissed and I'm really shocked our neighbors underneath us didn't call the cops. Generally there is always a lot of racket coming from our apartment, but this was overkill at 9am, even for us. 

Had special Auburn orange hot chocolate to celebrate the big win.

• And I think that pretty much catches us up here, folks. Have a great week, and War Damn Eagle.

Questions for you, a recap of how Sam's been shafted on Christmas his entire life, and some Alabama news

• A few of you commented on my fancy new blog design and I am here to tell you that it's allllllllll thanks to Miss Eliza. Secondary thanks go to her creativity and patience because I doubt that I am easy to work with. I mean, just ask my co-workers and they will whine at you and make sad faces and tell you I don't make jelly sandwiches fast enough. (I don't.) Luckily Eliza wasn't relying on me to make her lunch and she worked with the weird time difference and made my blog look much more.... me. I feel like I have ARRIVED in this blogging world. Hello everyone!
• I am seeing all these holiday gift guides pop up everywhere but none of them are helping me because they don't tell me exactly what I should get Sam for Christmas. This poor child. His first Christmas was not blogged because, well, I didn't have a blog. But I will just tell you that I don't think he got any presents for his first Christmas. I'm sure his grandparents gave him something awesome, but a well thought out, brain-stimulating baby gift from me, he did not receive. His second Christmas, he got a pillow. Well, it was technically a pillow PET and he still sleeps with it to this day (and the pictures of him cuddling it that Christmas make me tell my ovaries (very loudly) to hush). Last Christmas, Steve was deployed, Sam still didn't really "get" Christmas, and he got a potty. A potty that he still doesn't really even use unless he wants a sucker and has four drops of pee to spare. So basically he's gotten the shaft on Christmas gifts since the beginning of (his) time. We are still holding fast to our three-gift-rule ("if it's good enough for baby Jesus, it's good enough for me," say it with me everybody!) and so that means that both sets of grandparents get to give him a gift and Steve and I get to give him a gift. Extra free space is not a luxury we currently have, so we can't have anything too big. If you have any ideas for someone whose interests change daily, please holler at your girl. Things take forever to ship here so I need to order said gift yesterday.
• Where can I get a pair of leggings that are made for a normal chubby person? Leggings that are fleece-lined, not from Target, don't sag when you bend over, can be worn with a big sweater, and don't give me horrific muffintop. I see everyone wearing leggings and I want to just shake them and ask where they came from! Except I don't know any Korean so that might not come across the right way, and I haven't done that yet. Just asking YOU, Internet, to see if you have found a hidden gem somewhere that I need to know about! Link me, please and thank you so much.
• Am I the only person who hadn't seen this yet? I just watched it for the first time last night. If I hadn't been exposed to local Alabama news channels my entire life, I would think it was some sort of spoof. In reality, just another day in LA.
• Steve has staff duty today because the sun might be snuffed out if he ever had it on a day that didn't end in Saturday. Who's good side do you have to be on to get a weekday staff duty spot? Saturday staff duty eats up Friday night (gotta go to bed early so he can get up early), Saturday is a bust for obvious reasons, and Sunday is spent recovering due to the whole no-sleep-on-Saturday-night thing. So it's business as usual around here this weekend. Laundry, cleaning, some Baby Einstein videos, some "chekkin' my's emails", and reading some books. Lord only knows what they'll eat for dinner tonight since the nuggets are low and the hot dogs are gone. Time to start praying for a fish-sticks-and-the-loaves type of miracle! (because we're low on bread too)

I chekkin' my's emails and pitchurs.

Up. To. No. Good.

My thoughts on motherhood, leggings, cake, poop, and puke, but not necessarily in that order

• Bullet posts. I am just starting to accept that this is the way I'll blog from now on, unless I have some grand, amazing, detailed story (and a full 2.5 hour naptime! Ha!) to share with you.
• My birthday was this past weekend, and it was just a great day. I made funfetti waffles. Out of cookie mix. Again. Because when I see a box with a picture of funfetti on it, I just assume it's cake, even though my eyes must CERTAINLY notice that there are cookies on the front. It's the second time I've bought that stupid cookie mix. (Seriously, who here (or anywhere for that matter) is making funfetti cookies?!) It was also the second time I googled "how to make cake mix from cookie mix". Turned out perfectly in case any of you ever end up in that situation of not-being-able-to-read-while-at-the-grocery-store.
• I arranged for our sitter to come over the evening of my birthday so Steve and I could escape for dinner. He took me to Mad For Garlic and it was just as good as the first time (and slightly more expensive because they serve WINEADE. Like wine + ade. I don't even know what kind of magical crack they put in the ade but I CAN'T GET ENOUGH.). Steve's birthday plan was to let me pick out a cupcake from one of the bakeries downstairs (we were in that gigantic 10-story mall), but I've had a few Korean desserts now and..... meh. They aren't sweet. Which is probably why all these Koreans are so skinny, but I made a test batch of Knock You Naked brownies earlier (practicing for Thanksgiving!), so we hightailed it home and had some of those while watching Seinfeld. Because we are 85. And itching for diabetes apparently.
• I sausaged myself into this pair of fleece-lined Korean leggings this morning. (Is anyone surprised after reading the previous bullet point?) After wearing them for 7 hours, I have come to a few conclusions.
• First of all, SUB-bullet points! Isn't this impressive?
• Secondly, Korean leggings that state "free size" (aka one size fits all) do not include Americans. 
• Thirdly, judging by the low-hanging crotch in these things, I am assuming that my legs are too long/thighs are too big to wear these.
• Fourthly, I don't think they are meant to be worn (but omg I just typed WEARED like my middle name is Cletus) as pants a la Pinterest and their chunky sweaters with leggings trend. I think they're just like an undergarment to actually keep you warm under your real pants.
• And fifthly (not to be confused with filthy), I am still wearing said leggings. It took a lot of effort to get these babies on. And they're actually very comfortable. So until we venture outside later, I'm wearing them.
• My children have this mission to make me question my sanity multiple times a day. They like to pick Mondays to really test the limits since they know this is the longest/worst/most horrid day of the week. Today I took my rage out on our white tile kitchen floors (I wanna stab the person who made that design choice! White! In a kitchen! On the floor! Stab stab stab!) with about, oh say, 14 clorox wipes. Sam, noticing that things might have gone a little too far, would periodically come over and pat my bottom and say, "Yer 'dorable an bewtiful Muwmmy." TOO LITTLE TOO LATE, SON. (*insert crazy eyes here*) Yes, he can be sweet, but where was this sweet boy when I was trying to put shoes on his psycho hellion alter ego this morning?!
• Steve just texted to say that there are snow flurries up on post. I'm just.... I don't know if I'm ready. And YES, I'm very pro-4-seasons and I do think snow is beautiful. But once it starts actually snowing, then I really have to buck up and potty train Sam. Or potty guide. Whichever is more PC these days. Anyways, Molly did her horrified look at me the other day and grabbed her bottom, which usually signals that she just pooped, so I took her in the bedroom to change her. Only nothing was there. So I asked if she wanted to sit on the potty and she got really excited. I sat down on the floor next to her and read her a book and I could smell the signs that she'd done the deed! She tried pulling the same trick today as we were trying to walk out the door, but apparently she just wanted to air things out and have a book read to her. Not like I wanted to actually leave the house or anything today! (OMG WINTER IS GOING TO KILL ME, ISN'T IT)
• Related: My child must be the only child on the planet who does not respond to incentives. Or threats. Or candy.
• One of the things that the kids and I like to do to spice things up during the day is to visit new-to-us playgrounds. (We are so wild, I know!) Luckily, there are so many playgrounds around here you can throw a rock and hit five, and then that rock will ricochet and hit three more. So we wandered into this apartment complex and they had a pirate ship playground. No one was on the playground except for one elderly lady. She was sitting off to the side, but eventually came over to look at the kids. She pointed at Molly and asked me something. I don't know Korean (do I look like I do?), so I just responded, "She's 2," and held up two fingers. But she kept asking the same question over and over, but started grabbing and pointing at her crotch as well. At this point, I start to assume that maybe she is not completely stable, so I just keep nodding and smiling and saying, "She's 2," and try not to look horrified. Eventually she left. Five minutes later she reappeared with a bag of diapers for Molly. Oh. Well that makes more sense, I guess. I really need to learn some Korean. My sign language skillz are clearly lacking.
• Also, Molly is not two yet. I just round up because Koreans do ages differently than we do. When babies are born, they are one. So when American babies turn one, Korean babies turn two. And that has nothing to do with the time zones. (Har har!) So technically, in Korea, Sam is 4, although in America, he just turned 3. Just means I can register them for Korean preschool that much sooner! Huzzah!
• Is everyone sufficiently confused? Yes? Well now that you're all on my daily level of confusion, let's talk about how Molly puked up her lunch into my waiting hands at a playdate (fruit loops and rice- you really can't beat that color combination), the other mothers there just handed me baby wipes and kept talking, and then we all (including Molly) went right back to eating our lunches. Steve once finger-swabbed Sam when he had food go down the wrong pipe, he horked up his entire stomach onto his plate, got a hug, and then we all sat down (after clean up) to finish dinner together. When did this nothing-will-gross-me-out transformation occur? During pregnancy? During birth? Upon viewing the placenta? (Probably) Who even knows.
• Molly got boots. They are her favorite thing ever (besides puppies) and she refuses to be parted with them. (You should see the song and dance we have to put on to distract her at night so she doesn't go to bed with them.) I don't know where she gets this shoe obsession. I am no fashionista. Neither is Steve (thankfully), so she doesn't really have any role models in that department. It's going to be really ugly when she outgrows them (hopefully one day in the very distant future).

Fires, iPhone photos, bubble baths- oh my (I still can't come up with titles)!

Not too much to report on here, just the same old daily grind, so we're going bullet-style again.

• I am so beyond desperate to get my kids into a preschool that I called a Korean friend from Ft Campbell (on FaceTime), hijacked my way into a building in my apartment complex (there are codes you have to punch in order to get in the main door of each building), rang the doorbell to the Korean preschool, and then handed the phone to the worker who answered the door. After lots of chatter between the two of them, (and me standing behind the double stroller of doom) the Korean worker handed the phone back to me and my friend said, "They're full." Wah. Walk of shame back to my building.
• The post office burned down last week. All mail was saved and no one was injured. In the meantime, there is no mail stuff happening in our town.

From the wives' page on FB. Panties were definitely in a twist over the memes created.

• Steve made me a bubble bath and gave me champagne and then not even ten minutes later I had to shower off and fall in bed lest I puke my guts out and/or pass out from the heat that was radiating from that tiny tub. Our water heater is.... (I hate to use this word but nothing else really seems fitting)... AMAZEBALLS. You press a button and whammo! Instantly hot water comes streaming out of the faucet. It will literally burn your hand right off if you're not paying attention. Anyways, I might have gotten a little too cocky with the water temperature, and my desire for a super hot bath really did me in. While I did not puke or pass out, I did waste a glass of champagne, and that makes me pretty sad.
• After a few days of really crappy weather, the sunshine finally came back and I wasted no time in loading the kids up in the stroller and walking to post. We don't live far from post, but it sometimes doesn't feel like we live all that close either (only 2.5 miles). An hour later (errr, yes, I walk slowly sometimes), we arrived at the playground and I let the kids out to play. I spent the first five minutes congratulating myself on what an awesome idea this was as the kids happily ran and played. Then minute six provided me with the reality check that I so needed and I had two kids whining in my face because they both wanted to swing on the ONE baby swing. First, let me take a moment to kick the playground designer in the shins because how dare you only put one baby swing on the entire playground?! You may as well not even put swings out if you're going to cause meltdowns of this magnitude! The whining! The screaming! The shrieking! The JUDGEY EYES. I tried to let them take turns, but while one was pouty-swinging, the other was standing there indignantly, screaming for the entire post to hear. And then swap, lather, rinse, repeat. Overall, I feel that if I am going to have people screaming at my face and fighting over pointless things, I could be sitting in my sweatpants drinking a second cup of coffee, not sweating on a playground in Real Pants while other mothers side-eye my lack of control over my offspring.
• Well that got ranty real quick, huh?
• Sometimes Sam grabs my phone and starts taking pictures and the results are usually funny. Also worthy of note, these are the only photos I'm in, so thank God he takes them, otherwise he might not remember one day that I was present for his childhood.

clockwise- crazy face while sitting in a carseat // Steve wearing boots in the house (big no no) // I clearly haven't had coffee yet // lamenting the fact that I cannot wear these Army sweatpants out in public // washing hands // being tackled // chopping veggies in a sweater that makes me look much puffier than I actually am (hopefully)

• I took the kids to a Korean market the other day and that's not stroller-friendly. Alas, I do not feel I have the upper body strength (yet) to stick Molly in the Ergo on my front, while I have Sam in the structured carrier on my back. It would be an epic squat if I ever made it off the ground, that's for sure. So anyways, I had Molly on my back and Sam in the umbrella stroller. We witnessed a lady almost get hit by a car (the stereotypes are true), soooo many dead fish (and their accompanying dead fish smells), and lots of crazy leggings. (I am thinking about snagging a pair.)
• Steve and I are going on a date tomorrow and I could just DIE from excitement. Not that I'm desperate to have a break from these kids or anything, but only 14 hours 10 minutes and 23 seconds to go! Eeeeeeeeeee!!!
• Fall seems to be winding down over here. This makes me so sad because it has been such a beautiful season! I love seeing the yellow leaves blanketing the sidewalk and in the same second, I hate it too because that means they're not on the trees where they belong. I have a winter coat for everyone except myself so I fully expect this to be a fantastic winter.
• I still haven't gotten my Korean driver's license. Or updated my phone.
• The Halloween Reeses are gone and the yoga pants are out. That is all.

Halloween 2013 (with links to Halloween 2011 and 2012 that you will probably want to click on)

This was the kids' first time doing Halloween. For Sam's first Halloween, we just dressed him up, took some pictures, and then handed out candy at home. Last year, Steve was deployed, I dressed up the kids and took them to a FRG Halloween event (a bust), and then handed out candy at home. This year, we don't live in a place where trick-or-treating is actually A Thing, so we dressed the kids up and went to Trunk Or Treat on post.

This look of confusion and fear was a common theme throughout the evening.

Since this was a new experience for them and people were decked out in scary costumes and some folks' trunks were borderline offensive, it was hard to get these two to collect any candy for us.

More confusion - mostly over why Molly's BFF Dada (aka The Cookie Monster) (aka Sofia) has candy and she doesn't.

Sam only got happy when he saw a blackhawk fly nearby.

But who could be happy with a costume that doesn't even fit?

My mom gave me two of these Aubie costumes when Sam was a year old. In my haze, I assumed that he wore the 18-month costume when he was a year old and I had packed the 24-month costume for Korea. Had I actually LOOKED at the thing, I would have realized my mistake, but oh well. He's cute AND prepared for the flood. (Also, three years old and tiny enough to fit into size 18 month clothes..)

Isn't she the cutest squeakiest thing you've ever seen?

We somehow ran into Alabama fans (can't escape them no matter how far you travel, apparently!), but the most important person we saw there (the guy handing out the Reeses) was wearing an Auburn jacket and gave the kids extra because we are "raising them right." Thank ya kindly and a War Eagle!

As good as it gets these days... This was the best out of... six attempts? LE SIGH.

Bribed with a sucker. I love the sound of silence.

A turtleneck on a baby! Oh my goodness I do think that's a cute look. Really accentuates the whole having-a-neck thing, which wasn't even possible at this time last year.

Since the whole getting-candy-from-strangers portion of the evening did not appeal to my children, we ended up on the playground. A playground we've been to many many MANY MANY TIMES. And they proceeded to go down this little slide 42 million times like it was the latest and greatest attraction. Every other time we've been to this playground, no one has given two shits about this slide. Well. All that changed on Halloween. After we peeled these two away from the playground, we headed home and had pizza and sorted all 12 pieces of candy.

If this doesn't make you sad, I don't know what will.

The next night, we went over to a nearby apartment complex where some Americans had set up a trick-or-treat extravaganza for the kids. Except it was more like four people sitting on the sidewalk handing out candy. But don't fret, these people were handing out GOOD STUFF. Like tons and tons of Reeses. And since there were approximately eight children trick-or-treating, we ended up with more than enough Reeses to make Mama happy. I mean, poor Sam and his peanut allergy.

My dad made us our Chick-fil-A shirts and my mom sent us the to-go bags for the kids to use as candy bags. We are really hoping to somehow convince AAFES to open up Chick-fil-A's worldwide. Because, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry), no one wants to eat Burger King and Taco Bell at the PX food court when they could be eating Chick-fil-A. NO ONE. A friend even told me, "I would paint my whole body in Polynesian sauce if that would help the cause." No, we're not desperate, why do you ask?

After we got home from trick-or-treating, we sorted candy (yesssssss) and then realized that that smell had been coming from MOLLY the entire time and it wasn't just that funky Korean air. (How lovely.) So that kicked off The Weekend Of The Stomach Virus and I've been eating Reeses ever since. How was your Halloween? Do your pants still fit or have we all just decided to wear yoga pants til the spring?

Currently

• I have eaten 6 "fun size" Snickers for breakfast (nothing fun about improperly-sized candy).
• I caught Sam standing next to the counter in mine and Steve's bathroom right before Steve left for work. I got him down and had him say bye to Steve and didn't think twice about it. Later, while brushing my teeth, I came to realize that while I was out talking to Steve, Sam was in the bathroom, smearing Steve's new roll-on eucalyptus deodorant (this is Korea) all over the bristles of my toothbrush. You can't untaste that.
• Molly and Sam just helped themselves to an entire container of raisins from the pantry. And I didn't stop them.
• Sam is pushing around a plastic shopping cart full of my (clean) panties.
• My sweet granddaddy passed away yesterday. I got to visit with him and my grandmother before we flew out of Atlanta, and it is very weird to say goodbye to someone like that while they're still alive. I knew when I was hugging him that I would never see him again. And even though I got my goodbye in and grieved a bit then, it still doesn't make it hurt any less now.
• Related: I am a very ugly crier. I appear to have been punched in the eyelids multiple times and I have no intentions of venturing out in public until it's time for trunk or treat tonight. (I looked in the mirror earlier and said, "Sweet Moses, MY EYES!" And Sam offered to kiss them for me to make them "all better." That helped.)
• Even though I just changed a poopy diaper that makes me wonder if Sam ate a bucket of sand yesterday, I'm still on my way to go eat another Snickers.

This is what real life looks like here today- Molly making a hat for the raisin jar, my undies in a shopping cart, pillows that have no home in this closet-less house, Christmas books, and Sam's favorite bucket of toys to empty out onto the floor.

Why does it make me write a title for every single post? I'm not that creative.

Remember how I mentioned that I had no desire to blog lately? I was going through my reader and came across this post. Nothing but the last paragraph stood out to me- I'm the only one who is going to tell my stories. I want more words to look back on one day. And one day is coming fast.

((Cue my panic about all my thoughts about all the stories I haven't blogged that I might want to remember one day.))

This blog is almost like that back section of your closet that you keep shoving stuff into and you always procrastinate organizing it. (Or is that just me?) My layout is horrible, things are a bit messy, and my About page says that I'm still PREGNANT WITH MOLLY. So.... hmmm time to spruce things up around here. I actually have a post in my head too. And I wrote notes on my phone so I don't forget to write it. This is about as close to scheduling a post as I wanna get, but at least I finally have something to write about that's not bullet points! (You: Praise Jesus!) So excuse the mess here over the next few days. I am going to attempt to get this ol' girl back up and running!

Annnnnd a gratuitous photo of (the majority of us) dressed up in traditional Korean hanbuk outfits. Sam would rather pick-pocket Steve than be caught dead wearing pink pants. (Although Steve pulls them off well, don't you think?) Definitely a Christmas card contender. (eye roll)

I'm the only one who is going to tell my stories. I want more words to look back on one day. One day is coming fast. - See more at: http://www.shelikespurple.com/shelikespurple/2013/10/i-wrote-a-book-when-i-was-in-fourth-grade-an-rl-stine-like-thriller-that-was-no-doubt-truly-awful-and-not-all-that-thrilli.html#sthash.CLyhOw5H.dpuf

I'm the only one who is going to tell my stories. I want more words to look back on one day. One day is coming fast. - See more at: http://www.shelikespurple.com/shelikespurple/2013/10/i-wrote-a-book-when-i-was-in-fourth-grade-an-rl-stine-like-thriller-that-was-no-doubt-truly-awful-and-not-all-that-thrilli.html#sthash.CLyhOw5H.dpuf

Another bullet-point post because my brain doesn't work well these days

• I just ate leftover cheeseburger casserole for lunch with chopsticks because I'm kinda fascinated by them. When we got here I kept saying to Steve, "But why aren't they using SPORKS yet?! Wouldn't that make so much more sense??" And now I get why they use chopsticks. They're fun! (I'm sure there are many more cultural/social/historical reasons why they still use chopsticks, but I am using them because they're fun. And I switch to forks and spoons when I get frustrated.)
• I took a quiz online about what state I'm most suited to live in and it told me Utah. UTAH! What the french there isn't an ocean next to Utah.
• Steve is supposed to live in North Carolina, so we'll see how this relationship plays out.
• We got our HHGs!!! They arrived via lift through our kitchen window last week. Words cannot even express how much I love sleeping in my bed. The second night we had it back, Steve had staff duty, so I got it ALL TO MYSELF. Probably the best night of sleep I've had since we moved.
• Sam wakes up singing "Happy Birthday" to himself lately. We went to a friend's birthday party last weekend and he was genuinely confused that he wasn't blowing out "kindells" or opening any presents. Apparently he assumed the party was for him. (Awkward!) 
• I went for my first jog in..... oh about 3 months. Possibly longer. It was sad and pathetic and I didn't even make it two miles before I had to walk. As I was heading back up the monster hill to our apartment, feeling down about how much I stink at physical activities, Sam turned around and said, "Good running, Muwm! Good job running!"
• On a happier note, going on jogs means that I have my BOB back, and my life is once again complete. My children love sitting in that stroller and letting me cart them around. Molly is probably so happy to not be strapped to my sweaty back on the regular. The only problem is, this stroller is like a monster truck compared to all the other Korean strollers. It will only work for outside walking or possibly a mall. (Koreans are very pro-baby-wearing.)
• I walked over to the desk the other day to find a green Sharpie marker uncapped and the apple on the Macbook colored in. While this initially seems distressing, keep in mind that it COULD HAVE BEEN the white wallpaper. Silver linings, folks.
• If you ask Molly what a horse says, she neighs and then shakes her head back and forth. You can ask her what a dog, a cat, a cow, a baby, a sheep, and a chicken say and her response will remain the same. Currently it's too cute to correct, although Sam is always next to her shouting out the right answers. I have been working really hard to get her to say "mama". (I realize she is late.... I'm not worried...) Every time I say "mama" she says "dada" and thinks it's hilarious. So yeah. When she wakes up in the night like a newborn these days (wtf Molly?), DADA just won't do, so why do you keep saying his name??? TALK TO ME, MOLLY. LOVE, MAMA
• I still haven't downloaded the new update for my phone. I'm scared of all the icons changing.
• I blew up our old DVD player (from college!) by plugging it directly into a Korean outlet (with a converter). Lots of smoke and melting plastic later, we have a new DVD player.
• The leaves are changing and it continually makes me so happy to live in a place with mountains!
• Sam peed on the potty. I'm not really forcing it right now (because I refuse to be caged up in this apartment while the weather is so beautiful), but if he asks to sit on it and go, I help him with his diaper and pants. I just got him some Pull-Ups today so maybe that will make things a bit easier. This "potty-training" (in quotes because, not really) thing is slightly frustrating since I made a HUGE deal out of it the first time he peed in there (he used to be terrified of it for some reason) and passed out suckers for everyone because LET'S CELEBRATE the possible rebirth of our bank account that has been slayed by disposable diapers for three years now. Now he will ask to sit on it, force out 4 drops, and ask for a "seshall teet!" (That's Sammy-speak for "special treat" which he equates to a sucker.) And I'm trying to be encouraging but at the same time, no, you don't get a whole freaking sucker for 4 drops. I think you're trying to work the system here. Drop a deuce in that potty and I will make a candy cake topped with 50 burning candles. This is my offer. Take it or leave it.
• With our HHGs came some of our unopened pantry items. For some reason I had a bunch of the mini cereal boxes and the kids go apeshit to pick out their own and have it for breakfast. I refuse to pay good money for mini boxes of cereal (although fantastic marketing, cereal people!) when I could just trick them into eating regular cereal out of these mini boxes. So I save the empty boxes, stick a plastic baggie filled with regular cereal in them, and tape them shut. They still get to pick out their own special box in the morning, but now they're back to eating Rice Chex instead of All-That-Sugar-Make-Me-Crazy Crunch. (Between the last bullet point and this one, please feel free to send all my Mother Of The Year awards to South Korea.)
• And I think that's about all I have to say today. I have no desire to blog lately..

My child in seasonally appropriate clothes, folks! Finally!

A picture of the kids before a recent photo session. Because oh yeah, I decided I would open a photography business. Fake it til you make it, right?