You might be a mom if...

Have you done things or said things since becoming a mother that your former self could have NEVER imagined doing or saying? I've been catching myself lately and am wondering if you have any that you'd like to share. Obviously they need to be funny. That's really my only criteria. Nothing sentimental or mushy. Just funny. Because we all need a laugh, amiright? Especially those days where you swear it's 7pm and its only 3:21 in the afternoon. (Not that this happened to me today or anything.) So send me your "mom-isms" and I'll post them and link back to your blog. Or if you don't have a blog I will still post it with you name. Or anonymously if you want. Hell, even if you don't want it posted, I will still appreciate the laugh at 3am while I'm getting my milk on.

I'll leave you with a few of my own..

At Forever21 trying on a dress last week- Who WEARS stuff like this?! These dresses are way too short. The only way I got it on was one boob at a time.

On a related note- Why did I EVER wish for boobs?! I HATE them! Just in! my! way!

Said to a friend recently- "I just can't WAIT til Molly uses up the rest of these disposable diapers we opened so that I can put her in cloth!" (Old me would have laughed. Hard.)

"Oh just let him play with that trash. He really enjoys it."

My child says "Yeah" all the time. Yeah this, yeah that, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes it's a question-like yeah. Yeah?
Now being a good Southerner, I prefer "yes ma'am" or "pardon me?" but since we are currently working with a zero word vocabulary, I love hearing "yeah."

I no longer shower every day.

I recently pulled raisins out of my washer. Usually wouldn't be a big deal, right? But this was after a load of diaper laundry. I could not get that smeary load off the diaper, so I tossed it in and hoped for the best. Won't do that again Also? We will be cutting back our raisin consumption.

Steve and I are contemplating going gluten-free so that we are all eating the same (healthy) things at each meal.

I strive to buy organic products. (Old me has her eyes rolling so far back into her head.)

When I used the term "stockpile" pre-kids, I was probably referring to wine or chocolate or peanut butter. Now I am talking about breast milk. And we totally just bought a deep freezer to accommodate it all.

Hypnobabies. Nuff said.

Said to Steve one evening- "What is this, damn New Years' Eve? Why are these kids running around outside and screaming so late at night?! They're gonna wake Sammy!"
Steve- "Well, it's only 7."

"They should really make carseats like roller coasters- just pull down the bar and bam! You're safe and ready to go. These straps are for the birds."

"AWESOME POO POO!! Give Mama a kiss!"

"If you lick that plunger, so help me God.."

Now send me some of your own!! lifewiththelieutenant@gmail.com. Don't forget to include your link.

PS. Please excuse any typos as I am typing this one-handed on an iPad. Also, I will return with adorable pictures soon.