Here is what Easter looks like a week and a half after you've had a baby

First, let us all say many many prayers of thanksgiving that there were no major incidences at church this year like there were last year when I exposed my hindquarters to the majority of the church. Also, check out how leeeetle my Sammy used to be a year ago! Geez! That belly is almost too much to handle. But on to the present.

After arriving at church early (!!) and dropping Sam off in the nursery, we realized that we wouldn't be able to sit in the main church, so we sat in the annex and watched mass through a tv screen. It was basically a cry room. And since the priest didn't have a microphone on and I don't specialize in lip-reading, I didn't hear much besides the lady in front of me trying to wrangle her very unruly children. After mass and fighting our way back through the crowd, we made it to the nursery to find that Sam had been "a very good boy." Except for that one time he tried grabbing another child's snack and then dumped it all down the front of his shirt. The snack was mangoes. The shirt was brand new, never worn before, and.... white. We didn't even attempt to take a family photo at church. And then we didn't get one at home because, I forget, we don't have a family photographer at our disposal. Silly me! So we headed to Sonic after church so that I could get a Coke Zero (one of the things I gave up for Lent, also, mark off #54), and then home to take horrible Easter pictures.

If you're looking to achieve this look yourself, you can either threaten to stick your child with hot pokers or rent my kid.

Such a happy child...

Obviously we chucked the unruly one in bed for a nap and went to see what the Easter Bunny brought everyone. Unfortunately, the Easter Bunny was a little preoccupied this year (my sources tell me he's looking to open up a dairy farm), and he didn't even bother to bring baskets or any Easter decorations out of the garage. So it was a minimalist theme this year.

The Easter Bunny brought Sam....

I am still holding out on giving Sam candy. Just can't bring myself to do it. Plus, I have no idea what is gluten and peanut-free candy-wise (besides the obvious, but I also must make sure that it was not produced in a facility where other peanut-related or gluten-containing things are processed and that is kind of a helluva lotta work to do just to give my kid something that is no good for him anyways). I like bold titles like this one that alert me to the fact that my son will not require an ER trip after consumption. Unfortunately, after hyping this up, Sam wanted nothing to do with it. Go figure. It's a good thing I happen to love this cereal.

The Easter Bunny brought Steve....

Steve gave up Rip-Its for Lent, so he got two packs of these disgusting things. I don't condone drinking these or any other energy drinks, but he was very good about avoiding these during Lent, and with work starting back up tomorrow for him, I figured it was the least the Easter Bunny could do.

And the Easter Bunny brought Molly....

Whoo! A crap-ton of Reese's products! Newborns are so well-behaved, I'm sure that's why she got such a haul. Ooh, but unfortunately, she can't eat chocolate OR peanut butter yet. Let me think of a way that I could get this chocolatey-peanut-buttery goodness into her little tummy.... Aha! I could eat them for her, and then she could drink the breastmilk I make from it! Sounds like a win-win to me. Also fitting since the Easter Bunny conveniently forgot to bring me anything. You don't have to tell me that I am a martyr.

Speaking of my tiny Easter angel, here she is all dolled up in her little spring dress.

After naps and lunch, we took a walk to a new playground. Well, obviously not NEW, but new-to-us.

It is not uncommon for me to catch him elbow-deep in both nostrils.

Mother-daughter bonding. (And by "bonding" I do mean "sharing a helluva lotta sweat".)

During the second round of naps, Steve, Molly, and I sat in the rocking chairs and hung out on the front patio together. Instead of ignoring the six-year-old neighbor-child (who never has anything less than 46,982 questions for us), we might have had a little fun and antagonized her a bit. First she asked me to time her while she rode her bike around our circle.
Neighbor girl: "How fast was that?"
Me: "Ummm, I'd say.... 20 seconds."
Neighbor girl: "Are you sure it wasn't... 19 seconds?"
Me: "Actually, I think it was 19 seconds."
Neighbor girl: "Ok. Time me again."
(Repeat 46 times)

While staring at the yellow marigolds in front of us,
Neighbor girl: "What kind of flowers are these?"
Me: "I think they're called..... um, Steve?"
Steve: "Yellow mumulas." (pronounced "muh-MOO-lahs")
Neighbor girl: "I don't think that's right. I'm pretty sure they're sunflowers."
Steve: "Sun flyers?"
Neighbor girl: "No, sunFLOWERS."
Me: "You mean solar flares?"
Steve: "She's saying 'solar flowers.'"
Neighbor girl, getting frustrated: "No. Repeat after me. Sun. Flowers."
Me and Steve: "Sun. Flyers. Solar flares. Solar flyers."
Neighbor girl: "UUUUUGGGGHHHHH. Listen to what I'm SAYING. SUN. FLOWERS. SUNFLOWERS."
Me: <cannot stop laughing>
Steve: "Yellow mumulas. Oh look! A squirrel! See if you can catch it!"

Neighbor girl runs off to catch it. We sneak back inside. We both confirm that we're going straight to hell. But not before we eat all of the Reese's eggs.