Do you trust me enough to make some consumer reviews?

Ok so a few things lately have been helping my life in one way or another, and I thought I should share. Without further ado...

These lovies have been helping my life by way of helping my butt look better. Also, they are like springtime sweatpants. Very comfy, they have some sort of *magic* waistband that never lets them sag on you, and as an added bonus: vomit-resistant! And they're on sale-- Yeehaw!
Unfortunately, Target has weird pictures that I cannot copy, so you will have to click on this link to see them.

(Photo credit: www.championusa.com)

Also helping my life, by way of not letting me eat too much pasta, is this handy little kitchen gadget.

(Photo credit: www.davison.com)

It is essentially, a collapsible little basket that also acts as a strainer. It has measurements on the side letting you know what a serving looks like, and the little hole on the back measures one serving of spaghetti pasta. It hooks onto the side of any pot so that you can make your whole-wheat-a-phobic husband his plain white pasta while you eat a healthy serving of whole wheat pasta in the SAME POT! (READ: less dishes for you!!) I love this. I see they are currently retailing in the neighborhood of $15, but I found mine at the PX for around $4. I'd read about them in a magazine and was hoping to buy one (one day), but apparently, God wanted me to limit my carb intake a little sooner (maybe one too many people were praying I would stop wearing those capris?). Anywho, even at $15, I would still buy it. I've used it countless times already and it's served its purpose.

While waiting for an oil change one day recently, Sammy and I wandered over to Pier One (right across the street...). Sammy wanted to go. I told him it wasn't a very good idea because then the "cheap" oil change (that I had coupons for and everything) was going to get a touch more expensive. But he was like, "I'll just flash this cute gummy smile I've got going on, and Daddy will forget all about it. No worries, Mama." So he talked me into it. And would you believe that oil change lasted an hour? Wowzers we spent some time in that store. Pier One isn't a very big store. They do cram a lot in there though, I have to give them credit for that. We looked at every last item in there. "Oh Sammy- a RED SQUARE. Look at the RED SQUARE. Here's another SQUARE. But this one's YELLOW. A YELLOW SQUARE." I'm sure the employees were probably speed-dialing the car place to see if they could put some sort of rush on my oil change. And while I was worried the entire time that we would be wandering around their store, touching everything and talking about everything (EVERYTHING) and not actually buy anything and look extremely cheap, here I found a lovely picture frame. Well, I don't think it's technically a frame, but I don't know what else to call it. Whatever it is- I. Love. It. And I got it on sale! Woohoo! When I told Steve that and his expression didn't change, I handed him Sammy (who smiled on cue and immediately diverted his attention to those cute gums). Here's a picture of my frame-thing.

Please excuse my horrible nighttime lighting. Also, a close-up so you can see that these are in fact, clothespins hanging on wire, and is it not the neatest picture frame that isn't a picture frame?

They are also available in white, but they are not on sale this week. (Wait til they go on sale. I can't see spending almost $30 on a picture frame that's not a picture frame.)

I snagged this little beauty off of craigslist this week for Sammy (and well, let's face it, Steve, because he ends up holding onto Sammy when he won't sit in his stroller). Behold, the Kelty Wanderer.

(Photo credit: www.barronmall.com)

The guy was selling it (NEW) because his wife was too short to wear it while he was gone on deployment, and now the kid's too big to fit in it. We're hitting up the Rivers and Spires Festival downtown in April with Sammy on our backs! (The guy was cleaning out his garage and also threw in the sun/rain shield and the Kelty front-load pack!! Can we say SCORE??) We got a Kelty jogging stroller on craigslist not too long ago as well, and I can see why this brand comes with such high reviews. I'm happy to take it off of these people's hands for virtually nothing.

While I can heartily recommend all of those things, here are some things that I DO NOT recommend:

• Going to yard-sales in Clarksville, TN. People advertise them, but don't have them. Or, they have them, but don't advertise them. And if you actually FIND one that's in progress, they have either A) nothing, or B) a ton of CRAP.
• Also, never go to a "divorce sale." It turns out that it IS just as creepy as it sounds.
• weather.com. It says we are currently experiencing "light rain," but in reality? We are in the middle of friggin' tornado alley right now with the wind and lightening bolts and occasional house-shaking thunder.
• Weighing yourself after dinner. It is a total kill-joy.
• Letting your 5-month-old skip naps. Don't try and reason it out like he's going to sleep longer or better that night because that is NOT TRUE.

Alright I think I've put enough of my opinion out there on the World Wide Web for one day. Go ahead and work on digesting that; I'll hold.

Things I wish someone had told me

While waiting for my special Lady Time to arrive this month (and frantically trying to remember when I last saw Her), I began entertaining the thought of “What if we have ANOTHER one ohmygosh would I just DIE??” And after talking myself down off that ledge, I realized that despite the obvious fact of having to deal with two tiny screaming people at the same time instead of just one, the whole scary newborn phase would be somewhat familiar territory. As I mentioned before, I am not a fan of the baby stage. I used to think I was a baby person, and perhaps that newborns were even cute and lovely. But after having one of my own, I quickly realized that they are floppy, hungry, poopy blobs of NEED and they give you no sleep whatsoever. Not to say that I don’t love my own child, because I DO, I DO, I DO, but I did not enjoy that little phase of his life. I was ready for bigger and better things- namely, sweet heavenly SLEEP that lasted longer than an hour and a half.

So to get back on track here, I am not incubating a second little person at this point in time. But after giving the idea so much thought, I came up with a list in my head of things that I wish someone had told me before Sam got here. I wanted to write them down before I forgot them (because I just might find them entertaining later on or need to tell them to some other poor pregnant lady having her first blob child).

Here we go:
 
Having the baby (and I mean literally, the actual "giving birth" process) is the easiest part of this whole Having A Baby deal. All of the books and TV shows act like labor and delivery is the end-all be-all and women should solely devote their pre-baby time to learning pain management strategies and how to breathe in and out (as if you normally breathe some other way?). And while this is an important aspect of preparing for the baby, this part lasts, what, a day? Maybe two if you're really unfortunate? But this whole Parenting thing? It lasts for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. I still cannot get over that. I'm no longer afraid of the baby stage. However, I am PETRIFIED of teenagers and their smart mouths. So in conclusion (of this point at least), crack open a parenting book or two after reading about dilation and breathing.. Can't hurt, right?

More books to check out at your local library? BREASTFEEDING BOOKS. Who on God's green earth would think that something so supposedly natural could be so dang HARD??? I won't get into my experiences now, but let's just say that had Sammy been born before the invention of Similac, we would have been in some serious trouble.

Along those lines (the breastfeeding ones), buy or register for a breast pump. Nothing fancy, just a manual one. Go ahead and bust open the box before baby arrives, and sterilize everything. The last thing you want to do while you're all sleep-deprived and (ahem) full, is to wait on water to boil so you can sterilize something you thought you'd never use.

More boob info. Buy Lansinoh breast pads. DO NOT try to skimp and get Nuk or Playtex or, God forbid, Walmart brand because nothing can compare. Take it from the cheap-o who started out with Lansinoh (as a shower gift) and then severely downgraded to the other previously mentioned brands. It was terrible. Please take my word for it. If you're as thrifty as me, I know it will be tempting to reach for the brand that's a dollar cheaper. I know. But please, for the sake of your boobs, buy Lansinoh.

Keep plain stool softeners handy for after the baby's arrival and do not send your husband out to get you any because he will most likely come home with the stool softener that has an added laxative, and let me tell you, that's a ride you will want to get off of mighty quickly.

Immediately punch in the face anyone who tells you to "sleep when the baby sleeps." This just DOES NOT HAPPEN unless your mother has offered to set up camp at your place for months on end. Life must go on and YOU must make that happen. I don't know about you, but I personally do not have enough underwear to go for weeks on end without doing laundry. Maybe the people who are suggesting all of these naps could just give you more undies instead of all the stupid advice? Or they could just come do your laundry. That would be more helpful actually. And grab the screaming baby while you're back there folding clothes because I'm trying to catch up on my sleep, thanks.

When (not even "if") you feel the urge to launch the screaming baby through the wall during the middle of the night, turn on a light and look at the child. It makes them look more like the human you love and not the writhing blob of frustration they are.

Registering for new baby things is good. Carseats are probably not things you should get secondhand. Safety ratings and whatnot. But some items are pricey. And sometimes pricey doesn't even mean quality.... Let me tell you where to find a gold mine of gently-used baby gear. Craigslist. Obviously you can't register for craigslist gift cards. But seriously consider looking there for strollers/high chairs/ bouncers/etc and then reading reviews of that product on Amazon or somewhere like that and figuring out what you want. Most of the people selling this stuff on craigslist are upgrading to a double stroller for their second kid, so there is nothing wrong with the single stroller they're selling. And they're so ready to get rid of it, you could probably talk them down on price a bit (if that sort of thing doesn't make you too nervous). We got a stroller on craigslist recently that rides a BILLION times better than the one we received at our baby shower. It also retails at TRIPLE the price of our shower stroller. Just sayin.

DON'T always listen to everyone else's advice. All children are different and what works for some folks may not work for you.
DO whatever works for you. If your baby needs to sleep in a swing for the first four months of his life in order to sleep for more than an hour and a half at a time, good Lord, what are you waiting for? GET A SWING AND GET SOME SLEEP. You can sleep train that habit out of him later and CONTINUE enjoying sweet sleep. Who cares that everyone else's kids are sleeping in their cribs for 16 hours straight every night? Your child is (most likely) NOT a freak and will get over his swing obsession eventually. (Mine finally did, praise Jesus.)

Changing tables are nice to have if you have the space. Saves your back a little during the 649,358,276 diaper and clothing changes you'll be performing.

Register for diapers and then take that (free) opportunity to try out every brand on your kid to see which one works best for you. If you can get away with using Target brand over Pampers, you are going to save some SERIOUS CASH. And if you can't go with a no-name brand diaper, at least check out the rewards programs offered by the Big Names. There are all these codes on diaper (and wipes!) packages that you can redeem for cool stuff.

If you don't have a Carters store near you (I don't either, so we can cry together), then you must be looking for a place to spend all the money you saved by buying cheap diapers. Look no further than places like Once Upon A Child. They sell gently-used baby clothing (and toys!), and best of all, none of it smells second-hand. True, they ARE last year's looks, but geez louise, you didn't have a kid last year, did you? So those looks are NEW to you! And still cute, you gotta admit. (Unless it says, "My First Christmas 2003." Please draw the line there.)

If you use formula or supplement with it occasionally, go to the formula websites (Enfamil, Gerber, Similac, etc) and register your information with them. They send you free coupons, free checks to buy their products, free samples, and free newsletters. Did I mention that it is all FREE? I have rarely paid more than $8 for a tub o' formula. And people who are currently buying formula know that that's crazy good! (For you people that aren't currently buying formula, it runs about $21 per tub... Yikes, huh?)

Cradle cap is a formidable opponent, but Selsen Blue helps. Your baby won't have that nice Johnson and Johnson scent after bathtime, but the flakes will fade!!


Ok this has truly gone on long enough. I won't bore you any further. Maybe this will help someone? Make someone laugh at how stupid I am for not knowing all of this before I had a baby? Make someone feel sorry enough for me to pray for me constantly because the teenage years are going to be even scarier than I imagine? Yes, if you feel compelled to pray for my parenting skills, go for it. I totally appreciate parenting prayers. I NEED them. Thanks y'all.

Steve took this in January. He thought I would get a kick out of it. HE almost got a swift kick out of it. I post it now because you deserve a quality photo like this after reading that entire post.

Some things I never tire of seeing..

I love my life.

I found it!!!

Ok, so you all probably think that I've got some weird alcohol issues by now as much as I talk about my wine, but I assure you, I don't have a problem (but that's what they all say, isn't it?). I am just very much INTO my wine and was so happy to get it so cheap at Ft Lee and so SAD that it's so expensive here at Ft Campbell. But this weekend, I found it. In Kentucky. Steve and I were out looking for a sofa, and there just so happened to be a fancy-looking liquor store next to the sketchy-looking furniture place we were in. While Steve was strapping Sammy into his carseat, I ran in to check prices. It was quite a fancy place, and there were no prices displayed, so I immediately started wondering how much more expensive it was going to be versus the Class Six. But do you know how much a bottle of my wine is there??? Do you??? Seven bucks and change!!!! I had to ask her to repeat herself because I truly did not believe my luck, but the price stayed the same the second time she told me!!!

Obviously I was ready to buy multiple cases right then and there (and perpetuate the wine-o-holic stereotype I've created for myself), but as I ran out to the car to get my wallet, I realized something... I gave up the booze for Lent... *knocks head against wall repeatedly*
So I didn't get any. I'm just hoping the Easter bunny will bring me a case or two this year. And if he doesn't, I guess I'll know where to go to help myself, huh?

In other non-wine-related news, Steve got into Pathfinder school! *Proud wife* So I made cookies to celebrate, but more importantly, as Study Food. The recipe was so simple and easy that I thought I'd share it.

Gluten-Free (no, that does not mean yucky) Peanut Butter Cookies

Ingredients

1 cup peanut butter

1 cup sugar

1 large egg, beaten

1 tsp baking soda

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease cookie sheets (unless you're prepared to use deadly force when cleaning them later)

Beat together peanut butter and sugar in a large bowl with an electric mixer until smooth. Add beaten egg and baking soda to peanut butter mixture and beat until well combined. (I know, I had a hard time believing this myself, but the stuff will actually mix together. Who woulda thunk it?)

Roll 1 teaspoon of dough into a ball and place on cookie sheet. Place dough balls one inch apart on cookie sheet and flatten with tines of fork (the pointy parts, in case you were scratching your head about "tines" like me), making a cross pattern. (So very lovely.)

Bake until puffed and a golden pale (but geez, they're already that color because of the peanut butter so it's really just a huge guessing game, isn't it?), about 10 minutes. (I am directly copying the recipe, but I VEHEMENTLY disagree about the 10 minutes part. I took mine out after 10 minutes and it was like they had never seen an oven in their lives. I recommend 15, maybe even 17 minutes if you're a bit neurotic.) Cool cookies on baking sheet about 2 minutes (this part is more important than I thought) and then transfer with spatula (no, no fork tines) to rack to finish cooling. May be kept in airtight container at room temperature for 5 days. (HA! Anyone who knows the relationship between me and peanut butter knows that last part of the directions is a total joke. Five days. Psh. Also, I am trying not to use every last one of Sam's bibs and burp cloths to control my constant drooling over the peanut butter smell that has taken over our house.... And no, opening up the windows is not solving this Very Big Problem.)

So there you have it! A very simple recipe if you choose to follow the instructions.

And you'd better follow the directions. Or else.

So proud

I need to brag on my husband for a moment.

He has moved us out here to Tennessee, adjusted to his new job, does Sammy's bathtime/bedtime routine EVERY SINGLE NIGHT so he can see his boy before he konks out at 6pm (Sammy, not Steve), and still finds the patience to listen to me go on about my lack of a day. Amazing.

And prior to being in the military, I thought all officers were well-respected and life was just generally easier being an officer versus enlisted. And I still believe that is the case overall. What I didn't know is that at Steve's rank (2nd Lieutenant), they are the equivalent of a Private in the enlisted part of the Army. The way they are treated by higher ranking officers is not quite what I had envisioned. Of course, I had no experience, so I'm not really sure what I envisioned. All I can say is that Steve takes all the CRAP with a smile on his face and does his job anyway.

But while we were on post running errands yesterday, I saw something that made me smile. Really big. I dropped Steve off at a building to do some paperwork while Sammy and I ran some more errands, and as I was pulling away, two soldiers leaving the building saluted Steve.
You're probably like, "DUH JENN, they HAVE to" but it just makes me so proud that he is where he is because I know how hard he's worked to get here and despite the fact that he still FEELS like a Private sometimes, he is an officer now, and the little things like the salutes make it feel a bit more real. To me, at least. He could probably care less about all of that.

So anyways, I felt the need to brag about how great Steve is because I don't think I do that enough. I would normally insert a ridiculously cute picture of Steve and his mini-me right now, but alas, I am at the library on post because we have no internet at home and that is a story for another day. I also made the stupid decision to go to the commissary on a Saturday morning so my doom awaits me there. Off to the groceries!

Is this not the cutest thing you've seen all day (and possibly all week)?

He bounces and bounces until he just can't bounce anymore! The sounds were still going on (monkeys screeching and elephants blaring) but he was so out that he didn't seem to notice.

I'm so lucky to get to hang out with such a cutie everyday.

PICTURE OVERLOAD

Ok so this past weekend, one of my little brothers got married. It. was. beautiful. And almost as cool as that? I was the unofficial photographer. Yup. Me. The lady who runs the chapel where they got married was Official Photographer, but can I just say that her picture poses were LAME, she didn't take any candid shots, and had we been inside, I'm sure she would have used the FLASH (EEEEEEEK), so I was very excited to be allowed to help take pictures. Granted, I am not even considered a Photographer and I don't think I spend enough time on taking pictures to even call it a hobby. I do enjoy it though. And the amount of pictures I took this weekend bordered on Hobbyist (is that a word?). There were 335 photos total, but thanks to my lack of photo editing knowledge, only 118 of them turned out. I have tried very very hard to slim down my favorites to a few to include here. Enjoy!

My gorgeous siblings

The blushing bride-- beautiful!

The big smooch

The newlyweds

OMG, can I just take FULL CREDIT for this picture??? The Official Photographer said, "Oh that's a good idea!" (Unofficial Photographer: 1 point, Official Photographer: 0) Yes, I'm keeping score; I love this picture.

Flowers and cake

Sweet

Wedding gift

Leaving for the honeymoon!

Cutest wedding favors! This is actually how Matt proposed to Celia. Nice to munch on in a traffic jam as well.

All in all, we had a great weekend visiting with family and passing off our kid to them as often as they would take him.

In other news, I am TWO POUNDS away from pre-Sammy weight (You: Wow, that took a long time.). And despite that weight becoming a reality soon (Me: The end of this week!!), I do not see much physical difference. Apparently having a baby makes your weight shift to other parts of your body... ick. So it looks like the new goal is.... LOSE SOME MORE.

Oh, and after "Recycle Clarksville" REFUSED to call me back and take my money and my clean, neatly sorted recyclables despite four weeks of my begging, pleading, and threatening ("I will throw these recyclables into the trash in a hot minute if you do not call me back!"), I took matters into my own hands and lugged them all down to Ft Campbell. Luckily, they allow soldiers living off-post to recycle there (FOR FREE! Take that Recycle Clarksville!), so I'm going back to dropping off my recycling. One day I'm going to live somewhere with curbside recycling, gosh darnit. I guess Kermit the Frog is right; "It's not easy being green."

This post mentions poop; you've been warned

Sam had me worried a few days ago with his bodily functions (or lack thereof). He wasn't pooping as often or with the same consistency (ew) that he always has. I immediately starting fearing the inevitable Gloved Hand Pull-Out and was trying to figure out a way to get Steve to do it instead of having to do it myself. (I could make a thousand jokes right now about pulling you-know-what out of your you-know-where, but I will hold myself back.) But then, lo and behold, our little Sammy's face turned as red as a tomato and after some grunting and groaning, we could smell the prize. Luckily it was Steve's turn for a diaper change, and what we saw was pretty, um, NASTY. (Not that all poop isn't nasty, but after wiping that little bottom every day and actually getting his poop on my hands- ACK- I have become sort of immune to the gross factor surrounding Sam's poops.) The poor child didn't even get the poop into the diaper-- IT WAS STILL HANGING ONTO HIS BOTTOM. And then my guilt trip began.
Due to circumstances that I won't go into, I haven't been breastfeeding Sammy the "old-fashioned" way, but instead have been pumping religiously and feeding him via bottle. I'm not real sure why anyone would ACTUALLY breastfeed now, after having done it this way, unless you are just one of those people who can figure it out easily the first go-round. Sam and I were not so fortunate... (By-the-way, totally NOT advocating that you shouldn't try breastfeeding the conventional way, it just didn't work for me.)

Pros:

• Someone else (aka HUSBAND) can always feed your kid and it does not become your sole responsibility
• He is still, in fact, receiving breastmilk, thus making him healthy and strong
• I get to spend at least 10 minutes by myself every 3-4 hours (HEAVEN)
• We get to use pacifiers and not stress about "nipple confusion"
• I don't have to sit out in public with my boobs out under a small piece of fabric that I feel is just a breeze away from exposing some private lady parts to the general public

Cons:

• Must be willing to be hooked up to pumping apparatus for 10 minutes every 3-4 hours (I really don't see how this could be anything but a PRO since you're having the very much coveted "alone time," but some people complain about it)
• Must wash bottles and nipples (eh, not such a big deal)

Ok so OBVIOUSLY the Pros outweigh the Cons. But right before we moved from Virginia to Pennsylvania (and then to Tennessee, ahhh) I slacked off on my pumping. I didn't have time-- had to pack, clean, organize, sort, throw away, tie up loose ends, and get ready for a big move with a little baby! So to compensate for my lack of pumping, we supplemented with formula. And then my pumping slacked off even more and he was getting a heckuva lot more formula than he was breastmilk. I started rationalizing in my head why I should just completely quit pumping and go with straight formula.
"Lots of babies are formula-fed and are perfectly healthy."
"My pumping schedule never lines up with Sammy's sleeping schedule and it makes it harder for us to get things done and/or run errands."
"It would be so much more convenient for me to just mix the formula and chuck the breast pads already, I'm tired of feeling like a cow..."
But then I saw my little man struggling to complete a basic bodily function-- POOP-- and I knew that I couldn't give up pumping for my own selfish reasons. So I started up pumping again and after a few days of consuming more breastmilk than formula, my boy's bowel products are looking (and smelling) much more familiar. And he smiles when he's done! For a while there he looked like he needed a nap after he finished pinching off one of his super-turds. So yes Mama, I learned my lesson and I won't try anything like that again...

And can I go off on a tangent here? (Of course I can!) I was at Mass today with Sammy (it IS Ash Wednesday, people. Go to church and just say no to meat) and the girl sitting in front of me was there with her husband (military) and she had this infant carseat with her, but I didn't see a baby anywhere. When I glanced over later on, I noticed her holding the TINIEST child I think I've ever laid eyes on. I would venture to say the kid weighed no more than 6lbs (and that is being VERY GENEROUS). Now I'm not jealous she had a small baby, that her kid was asleep during church while mine was treating me like his own personal bouncy seat/drool catcher, or even that she basically birthed a small cantaloupe while I birthed a ripe watermelon. Nope, no jealousy there. What got to me was how SKINNY and PUT TOGETHER and ALERT she was, and also dressed in what appeared to be PRE-PREGNANCY CLOTHES. I swear, judging by the size of her child, they probably discharged her from the hospital this morning and she went home, took a shower, and came straight to Mass. The only thing is that she looks like she was never pregnant!!!! Gaaaahhhh.... Meanwhile, I was doing FANTASTIC to just show up to Mass, dressed in something besides my typical sweatpants and Steve-shirt get-up. People like her make me sick, and I know I should be so happy that people are able to get out and do things like that right after having a baby. And I am, I REALLY AM. But it still makes me slightly sick that she looks THAT GOOD with a baby still THAT SMALL. (For the record, I did the Good Christian Thing and told her Congratulations and that her baby was so cute and tiny! And I smiled while I said it!)

Then as I was walking out of the church, I banged Sammy's carseat into the side of the doorway (stupid skinny doorways!) and the man handing out bulletins said, "Good thing that wasn't his head, huh!" Har har. This kid only triples in weight every time I put him in the stupid seat. Add a very narrow doorway and lots of people trying to get out of an overly heated church so they can get to Captain D's already because this fasting thing is FOR THE BIRDS, and you can understand why I was ready to shove my bulletin down his throat. Not the greatest attitude to have immediately following Mass. I was all better after cooling down outside and snarfing down a Filet-O-Fish (YUM).

In other news, I FINALLY learned how to work our video camera! And I took a video! It was great! So easy and effortless that I was left wondering why I hadn't done this sooner. Then I tried uploading the videos to the computer... That is where my story comes to a screeching halt. It says something about it's not a video, and I haven't read that far in the instructions yet, but I'm definitely taking it with me to my brother's wedding this weekend and hoping to capture some footage that will win me millions (or maybe just thousands) on America's Funniest Home Videos (aka: funniest show that I love to watch but Steve hates). I will admit that the Bob Saget replacement does not have the best jokes, but I'm not there to watch him; I'm there to watch kids nail their dads in the groin with bats and baseballs and fat old ladies fall into pools and off porches and I could go on and on, but I think you get the gist of it. I LOVE THAT SHOW.

Yes, my little brother's wedding IS this weekend and I am SO looking forward to seeing my family and wearing HEELS and passing off this little booger of a boy to anyone with open arms! (I'm going ahead and assuming that there will be lots of open arms. I'm optimistic, what can I say.) I have been stressing out about what he's going to wear (like he's the friggin' bride or something) and Steve and I actually found him the cutest outfit while we were at the mall this past weekend. Speaking of the mall, guess what our mall has????? A CHEAP CHINESE RESTAURANT THAT MAKES BOURBON CHICKEN GAHHHHH. Obviously we took the free sample and said that we would be back just as soon as possible to eat dinner there. (Why don't they have drive-thrus at the mall again?) So it's looking like Steve and I are doomed to eat cheap mall Chinese food instead of in an actual restaurant, but it is SO worth it for the bourbon chicken. I cannot stress enough how everyone should try this if they are within a reasonable driving distance to a mall with a cheap Chinese place in the food court. (Plus, free people watching!)
 Anywho, we found this outfit:

but wouldn't you know they didn't have Sam's size!! So the girl working there has my phone number and Steve's phone number, and probably my parents' house number and any other pertinent information so that just in case they get another shipment in before this weekend, I can be FIRST in line to snag one. We got him these cute little blue shoes that would go PERFECT with this and obviously we would put some pants on the child because Lord have mercy if folks caught wind of those chubby little white legs hanging out in the breeze, no one would focus on the task at hand, and that is, of course, to fawn over the bride and her WHITE DRESS. Not my son's white legs (cute as they may be). And duh, I have about six backup outfits so that I can be prepared for the inevitable-- poop smeared up to his neck.

Oh did you say that you're curious what our new bed is like? Is it everything we hoped for and more? Do I wake up looking like a beautiful princess QUEEN instead of the Wicked Witch of the Southeast due to the fabulous nights of sleep I'm getting? The answers to all of the above are YES! And yes, yes, yes. It is so amazing. I actually woke up in the night last night to Sammy crying and found myself DROOLING all over the pillow. That is how good I'm sleeping. I have no aches and pains when I wake up, and compared to the old bed, I was practically a chiropractor's dream. It does everything those cheesy commercials say it does. And a 20-year warranty. Not too shabby. I am sure now that nothing else will ever feel as fine and I am reminded of this daily because I still do my pumping in the spare bedroom on the old springy bed.
I would include a picture of our bed (even though it looks just like any other bed) because it is well-decorated in our new sheets and comforter (QUEEN-SIZE! Did I mention the ROOM? Ohmygoodness the room! No more bumping knees with my comatose husband!!!), but Steve and I have a headboard project in the works and I would rather wait until it's all finished before taking pictures of it.

I think this post might have gotten a wee bit out of control. I'd better stop and post a picture of Sammy before I go any further. And yes, pictures from the wedding will soon follow, do not fear.

I'm not on WIC

But apparently I look like I am! Definitely NOT a compliment, in my book... In my defense though, I was buying WIC-ish items--baby food, bananas, strawberries, bleach. I was also wearing one of Steve's shirts (aka "my new wardrobe"), no makeup, and crazy hair (the wind is wild today).

I'm obviously not too far-out looking to meet some of our neighbors though! Besides meeting one of Ronnie's owners, I met two ladies that live across the street. Desperate Housewives. And only one of them is actually married. Ahem.
I think we will be the type of neighbors that wave, but don't talk much (due to the small fact that I am still very much in love with my husband, don't smoke heavily - or at all actually - , and don't lust after alcoholic beverages at 930am, not that I would turn one down if it was offered to me, let me be clear, I just don't dream about bar-hopping that early in the day).
But a neighbor that I am interested in getting to know better is Jennifer! She has my name! And a baby! And a pug! And a bigger dog too because they thought the pug was lonely and needed another dog friend! Could our lives be any more similar?? (And no, it turns out that pugs don't get lonely, they are more than happy to soak up all of the attention on their own and yes, we both realized our mistakes AFTER we got the bigger dogs.)

Hank the Pug seems a lot like Odie - He even hopped in the stroller basket while we were talking because he was tired of standing around and walking already (they were probably two houses down from their house). The bigger dog (whose name we did not discuss because, hello, he's not a pug) reminds me of Marci - a bit crazy, lots more energy, actually excited to go on a walk, and slightly peeved that I stopped my car in the middle of the road to talk about the PUG and not him.

Other neighbors we've met have all been children since that is one thing that is more popular in this neighborhood than being military. A group of kids introduced us to Snooki the dog and a rat whose name I can't remember, but I actually HELD the thing in my hands (Ew). Steve later told me it was a hamster, but I didn't know that at the time, so I totally get credit for being willing to hold a rat. The kid told me (very seriously) that my baby seemed to like the rat so I should get him one. I said, "Oh yeah! Once he can take care of it, he can have one. I bet they poop a lot, huh?"
He said, "Well, in their cages, yeah. (<duh, Jenn>) But he doesn't poop in your hands anymore. He still pees in your hands sometimes though." And that was when I tossed the little hamster-rat back to his owner. Snooki was much cuter to pet anyways.
Another kid- Reggie- just walked up to Steve and asked him to fix his bike. He is quite handy, but come on, it's not like he carries a tool box on him.
Garret (another neighbor!) came and seeded our backyard the other day so that it wouldn't continue to muck up our backyard neighbor's lawn every single time it rains. He's quite interesting. He got a little sidetracked from aerating by talking about politics and military and lots of other stuff that went way over my head. But ultimately, he is trying to monopolize the lawn care business in our little slice of suburbia. We'd be crazy to let anyone else touch our lawn. There are a bunch of weirdos out there, ya know, trying to get at our lawns with their inexperienced hands and cheap seed and we need to go with the guy that lives down the street (Garret) and he will even give us the good-neighbor discount. So we're probably just going to buy a lawn mower at a yard sale and take care of it ourselves if, for no other reason, than to avoid weird political discussions with the grass guy. Thanks for the seed though! We really needed it!

Not much else is happening here. Oh yeah, Sam finally pooped after three days of holding it hostage in his body. I was starting to get a little worried. But he pooped three times yesterday (he averages one a day usually). He is also grabbing at the food Steve and I are eating but refusing anything offered to him on a spoon (I think he knows it's baby food, and therefore, pretty disgusting.) I dared Steve to eat some of Sam's baby food but was then informed that people with upset tummies (aka MY HUSBAND) eat baby food like it's nothing because it won't upset their stomachs, something I've never heard of normal grown people doing (because it makes sense to just eat a sleeve of saltines if you're feeling queasy), so that really took all the fun out of the dare. So no one's eating baby food except Sam, and even he is refusing it.

Our new bed is coming tomorrow!! (<Screams, yells, and dances around>) I've been dreaming of this bed for some time now since our bed is very cheap and spring-y and my mother-in-law pointed out that the springs are actually PROTRUDING OUT OF THE BED, and yes, this is the same mattress I slept on during pregnancy months one through NINE and I dreamed about our new bed harder than ever during that time. We said that once we PCSed somewhere we would get the new bed. And don't you know that after arriving and getting all of our junk (including said old, springy, cheap bed) off of the truck, Steve and I hightailed it over to the bed store and ordered that new mattress!! And it's finally coming tomorrow afternoon between noon and four!! I fully expect to spend all of my afternoon and evening lying in every position possible on the bed, putting our new clean sheets on it, and kissing it until I fall asleep. I also plan to sleep through any crying Sammy puts out tomorrow night and I have let him know that in no uncertain terms. We are all prepared to get a solid 8-9 hours of sleep. Amen.

And even though this picture does not tie into the post, I will put it here anyways because that's all anyone truly wants to see here, am I right? The writing is for me, the pictures are for you. Enjoy.

First day of work

Well, sort of. He came back home after an hour or so. Turns out that since no one told him what time to come in, he came in after they started briefing, so they let him sign in and head home. Good news for Sammy and me! Another day with Daddy! Although we took First Day Of Work Pictures and sang the Transportation Song and the Army Song to get him pumped up and then we stood in the driveway and waved goodbye.

 

It's a good thing Steve got to come home and hang out with us today. We had quite the eventful day. After Steve came home and Sammy woke up from his nap, we took a little family walk around the neighborhood and what did we see? A very old pug running around lost ("running" is a loosely used term around here; sometimes I claim to run, but most people would probably classify it as a slow jog, maybe even a trot, if you will). Anywho, the pug didn't have a collar on and since he was very old, we figured someone might have abandoned him due to age or physical issues, so Steve did the dirty work of chasing him down (only because I had the very important job of Pushing The Stroller, and if you can't remember from the last sentence about the little fact that I DON'T RUN). Watching this was some classic entertainment. I've seen Steve chase Odie down when she's being disobedient and it's funny. But watching him chase down this ancient, white-faced pug was just hilarious. Then the pug would lay down on the sidewalk (no doubt exhausted from exerting so much energy) and he and Steve looked like they were having a conversation. Then Steve would stick out his hand and off they went again. Steve finally got a hold of him and took him into our mudhole backyard. When I got back there with a bowl of water, the pug was just lying down and letting Steve pet him. We decided that we would post flyers around the neighborhood before everyone started coming home from work. But first we needed to do a photo shoot. I will admit, he's not the prettiest pug I've ever laid eyes on, but he was so sweet and old and pitiful that you can't help but love him (but Lord, does Odie photograph better than him!).

We got a call from his owner before we even posted all of our flyers. His name is Ronald (ha!) and he belongs to someone who is familiar with the area code 3-3-4 (just got finished with flight school!). So Ronnie is back home, safe and sound, and I'm sure Marci is breathing huge sighs of relief that she will only have to deal with one smushy face at a time.

After the glorious reunion of dog and owner, Steve and I (and Sam, duh, the kid is always with us) set out to find some wine. We were getting "our wine" at Ft Lee for a mere $7 a bottle! The good stuff! So cheap! I suggested buying (at least) a case of it to take out here with us, but Steve was certain that the Class Six here at Campbell would carry it for about the same price so there was no need to take up extra space in the car with a bunch of wine. Boy, do I wish I'd given up a little leg room for the wine. The Class Six here at Campbell sells it for $12 a bottle!! $12!?! My drinking habits are going to send us straight to the poor house. We didn't buy any there because I figured, hey, at Walmart it's usually $8 a bottle, we'll just get it there instead. So we go to Walmart. (I'm not even going to get into that experience, but holy cow.) We hunt around for it and finally ask an employee and she says that they don't carry wine. No wine?? Whaaa?? So after trying a different Walmart (you wouldn't believe how many are in a 20-mile radius of our home) and being directed to a liquor store down the street, we saw that my wine was being sold for $11 a bottle. Still a little too pricey for me to drink in the quantities that I see fit. This afternoon we went to a Sam's Club (that is actually less than a mile from the last Walmart). That's where my mom gets the exact wine that I'm looking for, so I know they've gotta have it. But they don't. We aren't even members at Sam's Club. We just walked in and said that we wanted to look around. They got all suspicious of us but once they saw that we had a baby, I guess they thought we were good to buy some diapers or something. So we wandered around Sam's Club for awhile staring at giant packages of everything under the sun. "Look! A 600-pack of diapers!" "Look! 120 Boogie Wipes!" "Look! A 3-gallon tub of hemorrhoid cream!" Wow what a place to shop. (Side note: Who the H needs all of that crap in such massive quantities???? The prices aren't even discounted!! Scam.)
Back on track here: Wine. We looked all over the place and finally asked a lady up front about it. Turns out that Tennessee has a law about regular ol' places (like grocery stores and gas stations) not being allowed to sell wine, but instead you have to go to a special liquor store to purchase it. You want beer? Oh, they've got it. Tons of it. But wine? Nectar of the devil? Go to the liquor store, you heathens. Craziness. And the liquor stores jack up the prices of the wine because they know it's some sort of freak novelty up here. So I'm whining instead of wine-ing. It is not near as much fun. When we find it cheap (because I WILL find it cheap), I plan on stocking up. BIG TIME. As in, I-Know-What-That-Extra-Bedroom-Is-For-Now Stocking Up.

So here's to hoping that Steve has another good first day at work tomorrow with the Screamin' Eagles, Ronnie keeps himself put, and Sammy has a good night of sleep tonight. I'd raise my glass, but it's just water.

Ohmygosh help, Help, HELP

Good morning!
Hope y'all slept well last night. It seems that we are falling back into some sort of regression as far as sleep goes. So we only say "good morning" here because it is customary and for no other reason obviously...
I don't know what Sam's problem is. Our sink here in the kitchen is divided, so we started using the baby tub in the bathtub, which, heaven forbid, does not fully recline like the sink experience, so Sam has started hating baths that take longer than 14 seconds. And remember when bathtime used to calm him down and get him ready for bed???

NO MORE.
So now he starts getting crabby and wanting to go to bed at 5pm (holy geez) which means that we have to alternate who entertains him for the next hour and a half because all hell breaks loose if you try to put him in his jumperoo or swing instead of holding him and dancing around the room. So once 630 comes around, Steve usually starts his bath while I start dinner, but usually I have to go in there to make sure Steve isn't using hot pokers on him (he doesn't) because Sam screams until his face turns purple... and for no apparent reason. The first night he did it, it scared me to the point of taking his temperature rectally. (That's saying something!) Now I know it's just a sad part of bathtime.

And after Screamfest 2011, it's a race to get the little person lotioned up with a bottle stuck in his pie hole. More screaming. Stick him in the crib with pacifier and mitts to prevent another case of Bloody Baby Head. More screaming, and after a few checks to make sure he's truly not being smothered by anything, he finally goes to sleep.

But the major regression we've experienced is the amount of time that he stays asleep. When he was starting out with the sleep training, the first hunk of sleep would last 5 or sometimes 6 hours straight, with 2 to 3 hour intervals after that until it was time to wake up. Now he will sleep from 7 until 10, and then scream bloody murder on the hour, every hour after that. So while it is a success that he's finally sleeping on his back in his crib, and he's finally coming around to this whole pacifier phenomenon, it BLOWS that we're getting less sleep than before. Most of the time that we go in there because of the crying, his eyes are closed, pacifier in mouth, and nothing else is wrong. WHAT THE H, MAN??? That is especially frustrating.

Steve tried giving him a bottle last night because we figured he was hungry. He would only take an ounce or two (meaning: not hungry AT ALL) and then kept on fussing. We probably listened to him cry from 3am til 630am. Straight. For no reason. Lucky for Steve and me, we can sleep through that kind of thing. And lucky for everyone else, we live in a single family home where we don't have to worry about driving an upstairs neighbor to the brink of insanity with all the incessant fussing.

What are we supposed to do about this?? I can't believe that we are the first ones to experience some sort of sleep regression like this, but at the same time, I wouldn't be at all surprised if we were! We will do literally ANYTHING for some shut-eye around here. Suggestions are more than welcome.