Week two - mostly curse words

What a week. Good riddance! See yourself on out the door and take April with you please.

On Monday morning, we started on a high note- Sam lost his very first tooth in the least traumatic tooth loss experience maybe ever. No sooner had I hustled the kids to the bus stop and it was time to rearrange the entire kitchen to make sure nothing is in Wild Bill's reach ever again.

You might recall that my kitchen (and entire house) is somewhat tiny, so moving something as large as an entire bread box to the counter causes issues. Mostly the issue being that bread is now constantly in my direct line of sight and I want to eat it all.

For what it's worth, toddlers holding English muffins litter the floor faster than a long-haired dog shedding its coat after a particularly harsh winter. Much like most children who only poop in a freshly changed diaper, Will waited until after I had vacuumed the entire house before sprinkling magical bread crumbs everywhere. Sam continued to have a great day (he was even wearing his lucky basketball shirt- I gotta get myself one of those) and we celebrated his tooth loss with some frozen pizza that night. Wild, y'all!

Tuesday brought some epic moodiness from Will. Lots of random whining and crying and just being ALL UP IN MY BUSINESS all day long. I think we went to Fargo on this day for groceries. Molly needed a new piggy bank from Dollar Tree and I tend to freak out when our banana count dips below 5. Car trips mean the nap schedule is royally effed, so Will was suuuuuper fun to hang out with for the rest of the day. He finished the day strong though with a poop straight up the back. Been earning his baths since December 2015.

Tuesday night, Will was up randomly screaming all night long. I tried everything I could think of- water, diaper, teething gel, ibuprofen, banana, pats on the back, sing songs, threats on his life, etc. He finally dozed off about the time Sam and Molly needed to get up for school. Yay. Drag winter gear back out because IT IS SNOWING.

It had sleeted mostly throughout the night (I witnessed most of it, remember?) and I was dreadingggg school being delayed or canceled. Sweet baby Jesus, please, I NEED THIS. Luckily nothing was sticking to the roads, so there was no delay and I might have shed a thankful tear or two or twenty.

Did the big kids leave? Did you think you might drink coffee or something by yourself? Ha ha. Fetch me a banana and let's forget last night ever happened.

I love this little boy more than anything. But damn if he hasn't made me want to drink since he's been born. (And coincidentally, drinking then is why I can't drink now!!!!?!?!?!??!?! GAHHHHH)

Did a little fridge inventory. Decided we need more bread and cake and chocolate.
He also decided the useless countdown chain needed to come down and proceeded to rip it down and then into one zillion pieces as I was vacuuming with my back to him. Useful lesson: never turn your back on toddlers.

And a non-cropped screenshot because #lazy.

Will and I went and hung out with my neighbor and her triplet girls. Will always enjoys the attention and chasing at first. But by the end of the visit you can tell he is OVER IT and needs some PERSONAL SPACE and you can also see him considering the priesthood at some point in his future because WOMEN ARE CRAZY.

It snowed all day long, and right up until we went to bed that night. Every time I looked out the window, it was definitely beautiful, but it was also so depressing because END OF APRIL WHYYYYYYYYY.......

Sam got a starburst at school for doing well on a test and sweetly said, "Look! It's the same color as your eyes." So now I'm left wondering if I have red rage eyes or red tired eyes. Probably some mix of both, if I had to guess.

Will started Thursday off right with some serious stink face and a banana. It kills me that he stares at me like this the entire time he's eating it. Like how dare I wake him up for this! Do you know what time it is? I am so angry and offended. How quickly we forget whose idea this was. ((insert all the eye rolling))

At least his mood improved. But then came Friday.

and another lazy screenshot

And maybe I relate a little too much to this one-

Friday was the day we were supposed to find out some news from HRC about Steve's orders. We were told 1pm Eastern time. I can personally attest that time actually went backwards at 10:34am and noon (central time) took about four hours to arrive after that. Groundbreaking and possibly some sort of atomic shift in the universe might have caused it, but I think everything righted itself because Will's naptime ended up zooming by at the warp speed that it always does, so y'all don't worry too much. We got the earth-shattering news that nothing has really changed. They still agree that he needs new orders (derp!), and they're gonna kick it on back down to his original branch manager to handle, but oh yeah, the system is down til Tuesday, so I guess just check back then.

<insert approximately 4,752 explicit curse words in a variety of languages and a few tears>

Then I was lucky enough to talk to my mama on the phone. If ANYONE ELSE had tried to give me perspective, I seriously would have told them where to shove it. But my mama acknowledged that what was going on totally sucked (although she would never say "sucked") and wasn't fair, etc, and then she casually updated me on a few friends and family members that were going through some stuff and seriously, in comparison to what other people are dealing with, waiting on orders IS SMALL BEANS. And logically, I know this. I know that I am completely fixated on what will happen and what the timeline will be and how we will make it all happen before this baby arrives. All of my mental energy (what tiny bit there is up there) has been focused on this stupid stupid Army debacle. I am aware of that while I'm doing it! And yet! I can't seem to focus on anything else. Anyways, talking with her and realizing how (hate to say it) #blessed we are was exactly what I needed. We might be separated for the dumbest of reasons, but we are all safe, we have shelter, food, clothing, health, a happy marriage, and great kids. And judging by every movement I feel from the inside, a future disco dancer as well. I will probably continue to be somewhat consumed until Tuesday, but at least the pity party fog lifted.

Well. Lifted. Past tense. Til that night when Will was up at midnight, then from 4-5, and then Sam woke up at 6 and creaked the bedroom door open and shut no fewer than eight times and then was upstairs TALKING TO HIMSELF LOUDLY while the other two finally slept and I realized that maybe perspective is something for well-rested people to have. I cannot have perspective while also having no sleep and whilst losing my shit. It just doesn't add up. I finally got Sam out of his bedroom and downstairs and a few minutes later, Molly and Will followed. I told Steve, they must know that we have an entire weekend of absolutely nothing laying ahead of us, and want to get a jump-start on it EXTRA EARLY. Despite lacking any and all motivation, we headed down to Fargo area to see a Vikings-style ship that was handmade in a town nearby.

On the drive down, Sam and Molly asked no fewer than 8,000 questions. At some point I stopped responding, and they started answering each others' questions. Molly asked Sam when the Vikings were around. Sam replied, "Well, I guess it was a long time ago. Probably the 1980s." I piped in- "Ya know.... the 1980s were not that long ago.... Pretty sure the Vikings are much older." Sam- looks extremely skeptical.

Well. We go to this museum and watch the little documentary about the guy that built the boat. BUILT THE BOAT IN 1980 OMG.

This man HANDMADE the entire boat. As in, chopped down the trees, milled the wood, and constructed it all himself. He died of leukemia before he was able to sail it, but his four kids and some other people actually sailed this boat from Minnesota to Norway (where this guy's ancestors were from).

Sam: "But why?"

Me: ....

Sam: *patiently waiting*
Me: "Y'all wanna go outside??"
Them: "YES!!!"

Norwegian Stave Church

There was also a Sauna Festival taking place there that day, and initially I was hesitant to even take the kids to the museum because I was worried about the crowds. Well fear not, Jennay.

The museum was empty and I think a whopping 14 Nordic types showed up to use the traveling saunas. We observed from a distance before everyone declared their extreme and sudden HUNGER.

One last look at the church before loading everybody back into the car. I had packed a lunch so we could have a picnic, but I could already feel my shits slipping away and knew I might possibly need those PB&J's for dinner. Decided to be a cool mom and ask what they wanted for lunch. "Yes children, we are indeed in civilization so I am being so nice and taking you out to lunch today." They picked McDonalds and that was more than fine with me. We got our food to go and parked facing a busy road and the kids ate and car watched before we headed over to Target to replenish the banana and yogurt supply.

Any guesses as to how many fries I'll find shoved between the seat and center console?

I successfully transferred Will from car to crib when we got home and Sam and Molly decided they hadn't asked me a zillion questions in the last ten minutes so I spent a lot of time threatening them to leave the front door closed and stay outside and stop asking me questions IF YOU END THIS NAP EARLY SO HELP ME. Will woke up after the front door opened and closed for the 46th time and we loaded up and went out to Monica's house. There, I set my children loose and they (mostly) left me to sit on the grass and chat with Monica. Will just walks all over the place and is so ridiculously pleased with himself and his ability to get where he wants to go. Sam and Molly just go everywhere out there at a full sprint and all three of them arrived home completely filthy and worn out. Straight to the showers and then I tossed the aforementioned PB&J's at them for dinner while I showered. Everyone FINALLY went to bed and I think I was in bed by 8:25. My brain didn't turn off for a while longer, but WHO CARES. ALONE. SILENCE. BED. Ahhhhhhhh......

Today Sam woke up and complained that his stomach hurt. Damn McDonalds. Why did I let my kids eat that poison? Mom guilt. I told him he probably needed some vegetables. Their diets have been heavily cheese-based as of late. He sucked down a squeezy. He sat next to me on the couch and we went over the consistency and frequency of his latest bowel movements. I'm not sure what else I can do to assist in tummy trouble at this point. He then suddenly gets up from lying on me and bolts into the kitchen and sticks his head in the sink. I'm right behind him because he is not quite tall enough to make this shot so I'm holding him halfway up but also trying not to squeeze his stomach and make everything worse and Will is grabbing at my pants and pulling them down and screaming and Molly is like, what is happening in here? Just another peaceful Sunday. #soblessed

We get the BBB (Big Barf Bowl) and head to the couch and I surrender to letting them watch youtube videos about Auburn sports. An hour later, Sam exclaims that he feels 100% healed and proceeds to run 11 laps around the outside of our house, no doubt high off hype videos. As soon as Will wakes from his nap we are headed right back out to the country to run off the rest of the afternoon energy and hopefully everyone sleeps through the night. (Please Baby Jesus make it so)

We survived another week (I know, just barely, right? and not at all gracefully) and we might just find out where we're headed on Tuesday. Jesus take the wheel for Week 3.