How every job I've ever had has prepared me for my job now

I have worked a slew of odd jobs in my pre-kids life, and as I was picking up nine million books/breaking down PCS boxes/letting someone hork up a big hunk of sandwich in my hands recently, I realized that maybe I had all of those jobs for a REASON. Reason being- to prepare me to do this job. Now, nothing, and I mean nothing could have fully prepared me for this motherhood gig. How could someone ever convey to me that I would love these little people more than anything yet also have the intense desire to dropkick them over the moon sometimes? Exactly. Impossible. So now I will go about recapping all of my various odd jobs throughout junior high/high school/college and you can marvel at how this much talent resides in my sweatpants-wearing body.

Pre-highschool:
- babysitter - One might think this would play the biggest role in preparing me for motherhood, but I think it might have given me lots of unrealistic expectations. It's easy to play exciting games/feed everyone ice cream/skip bathtime when the kids aren't yours and you get to leave and never come back if you don't want to.

- screenprint shop helper - My dad opened up his own screenprint and embroidery shop before I turned 15, and since he was still working another job during the day, he got his business up and running at night and on the weekends. In our garage. Which doesn't mean we weren't legit, because we totally were. My mom even took us up to the county office and got us special exception letters allowing us to work as child laborers after school. Mom? Do you remember this? All of the details are fuzzy, but I can still see the garage set up like this as if it were yesterday! This prepared me for motherhood how? Well I was in charge of catching the freshly printed tshirts as they came off the oven conveyer belt and folding them. And while I am a horribly sloppy tshirt folder (just ask Steve) (and my Dad), I can most certainly get the job done. My dad might have also taught me a thing or two about taking a risk, persevering, making sure a job gets done right, working hard, etc. You know, just a couple dozen life lessons or so that I hope to teach my children.

High school:
- lifeguard - I worked a few summers at the local YMCA as a lifeguard and swim instructor. In addition to having the best tan of my life (Mama Jenn now scoffs at my lack of overall SPF protection!!), I also herded multiple children through the motions of learning how to swim. Or at least negotiating with them to stick their delicate faces in the water and blow some bubbles. Funny side story- my little brother worked at the Y's front desk while I was a lifeguard (I think almost everyone in my family worked there at some point). Some irate mother came up to the front desk and filed a complaint about me because she watched me throw her baby off the diving board. I don't know if the chain-length fence somehow obstructed her view, but I "gently tossed" her child into another lifeguard's waiting hands (it was essentially a pass off) so that her sissy child didn't have to repeat my class again. Anyways! She had no idea that the guy she was complaining to at the front desk was my brother, so obviously her complaint went no further and I never got in trouble. And her whiny kid didn't repeat my class! Huzzah! (My extreme patience with children is already apparent, huh?) This job prepared me for children by way of never worrying about drenching mine over the head with a cup of water in the bathtub. I don't want my children having irrational fears about having their faces wet. I will also most likely be the parent that stays for the entirety of their swim lessons and watches through the fence with a white-knuckled grip because some idiot high schooler has my baby's life in their less-than-capable hands!

- gift wrapper/assembler/employee at a home interiors store - I don't even remember how I got this job, but somehow I ended up employed by an interior designer and working at her shop. I learned how to nicely wrap gifts (you would never guess this if you received a gift from me these days), assembled every lamp you could dream of, disposed of boxes and packaging like a boss, and tried to find some spot on the overcrowded shelves for the thing I had just opened. I like to think this job prepared me for my life, in that a big portion of my job now is unpacking boxes, reassembling our stuff, and disposing of packaging. The only difference is that no one pays me for this now.

- weight loss clinic - Again, I don't even know how I came to work at this place, but I was a consultant at some weight loss clinic and I never knew what I was doing half the time. I started because I was interested in a nutrition degree for college, but this place was the furthest thing from nutrition. It promoted their shake mixes and a special diet of horrible things like celery and no cheese or peanut butter. We all had to try the diet so we could empathize with clients and I think I made it to Day 2 before I lunged at the jar of peanut butter with A Very Big Spoon and my crazy eyes. (Luckily I was quite skinny in high school and no one ever knew I cheated.) This job prepared me for motherhood by... hmm. This one's a toughie. Well, I am no weight loss guru (OBVIOUSLY), but I have lost all of my baby weight through non-fad diets, so I'd like to think that job helped me to steer clear of starving myself to fit into a certain size.

- library - Working at the library, re-shelving books, hustling sleeping homeless people out of the chairs- this all helped prepare me for this.

This mess in Sam's room is VERY mild..

College:
- Sonic - At this particularly pleasant job, I learned many valuable life lessons. I will share a few of them here. Ahem.

1. Don't be rude to food service employees.
2. Don't be rude to food service employees that are all wise-ass college students.
3. Don't be rude to food service employees that are all wise-ass college students and then send your food order back into a building where you cannot see what is being done to the food you are planning to consume.
4. Just never send your food back. Ever.
5. Three cents is not actually a tip.

I also learned how to respond to 80 different requests at once, while delivering drinks and food on roller skates. I like to think this helped me with motherhood because people are still demanding 80 things from me at once, only this time I am tripping on toy cars and sippy cups, which might actually be more dangerous for me now than roller skates.

- The Cake House - This, my friends, is my Cinderella sob story. This JOB. I thought it was such a step up from Sonic. This place made beautiful cakes and it was in this gorgeous old house and they also served the cutest little lunch menu! They had original solid wood floors, glass plates and cute cups, pretty silverware, cloth napkins, and big flowy white tablecloths. They hired me to be the help. I thought I had it made. Until I learned that I was responsible for: washing every dish that was ever used (there was, I kid you not, NO DISHWASHER in this ancient house)- this included not only all the lunch dishes/silverware/cups, but also everything needed to make multiple cakes a day. I usually had to wait tables while also plating food in the kitchen and then switch out the laundry because OH YEAH- CLOTH NAPKINS AND BIG, FLOWY TABLECLOTHS. After washing and drying and ironing all the napkins and tablecloths, I got to wash more dishes and then sweep and mop those big gorgeous hardwoods. At least when I worked at Sonic they gave me a free meal during my shift (and mopped the floors with a hose and squeegee). This lady turned out to be a bit stingy. Come on, I'm a poor college student! (It's cool. When she wasn't looking, I'd swipe a spoonful of icing. YUM.) This job prepared me for motherhood in some of the most obvious ways. And I still try to eat while no one is looking (but only out of fear that I'll have to share).

- BBQ place - I had this job while I was at Auburn, and it was the reason I rarely got to go to football games. I always smelled like I had just come from a bonfire and the owner was equally stingy with giving out a free meal like the cake lady. Although when she did, I greatly appreciated it. This job taught me a lot about putting in hours when I didn't really want to, and also that food tastes better when someone else makes it for you. I guess this is why my kids still demand I make their meals. That, and they can't reach the counter yet.

- Pharmacy - I worked at a pharmacy in a grocery store while still in school at Auburn because it was better pay than the BBQ place, and the whole added bonus of not smelling like burning wood when I came home from work. I worked at the Auburn University pharmacies after graduating (Steve graduated a year after me, so I worked while he finished up) and while that was an equally enlightening experience, I got the most applicable motherhood-knowledge from the pharmacy inside the grocery store. My take-away from the pharmacy- your child's medicine only takes 3 seconds to make and 10 seconds for the pharmacist to OK. So unless there is a line out the door, my prescription for my sick child should never take 3 hours to prepare. I also know how insurance works and I am definitely that annoying lady trying to tell that college kid how to do her job. ("Just let me come back there and see if you're still using the same system. I can probably figure it out faster.") <-- kidding... it's been awhile since I've done that.


And since I can't figure out how to end this post in a way that DOESN'T sound like the conclusion to a research paper, here is an old picture of Steve and me from college at a (my first) military ball.

Steve is rocking that ROTC pickle suit like a boss. He is so good-looking. War Eagle. I miss him. And my lack of eye bags. The End.

Project 365 - week 8

Today was a sick/hang out at home/wear no clothes (kids only) sort of day. I had so much fun just taking pictures of them being silly.

A friend gave me these in k-cup form for Christmas and they are sooooo good. I'm too cheap to order the k-cups, but I got this big bag to use and cannot wait to have a cup or four tomorrow morning.

Just chatting with Daddy on his telephone, which is actually a cutting board.

New (to us) playground that was full of fun, and two little doggies who received quite the workout after being chased around by a squeal-y Molly.

This man child just walked up to the toilet and peed in it today! We are testing out the waters of big boy undies (that luckily, came in the mail yesterday). All prayers (for success as well as my sanity) are most certainly appreciated.

This particular beef and leaf has a play place inside. Molly wasted no time in pressing every single call button multiple times (quality control check!) and eating everyone's fruit. This meal stressed me out.

Finally remembered to put this amber bracelet on her. I'm hoping it works its magic. ((knock on wood, sign of the cross, sprinkles holy water/essential oils, throws salt over shoulder))

Bullets about Korea <---(ironic since guns aren't legal here)

This post idea came from the lovely Rachel, who is a blogging machine. Seriously, if you're not following her, you're missing out on a lot of hilarious sarcasm, honest pictures about life with little people, and her exciting military life in Nebraska (soon-to-be Alabama, and then soon-to-be Colorado). (She's a busy lady.)

So Rachel suggested writing about my favorite things about Korea, my least favorite things about Korea, what I miss most about America, and what I miss least about America. To keep things clean around here, this will be bulleted. Which apparently isn't a word according to my spell-checker. Anywho.

My favorite things about Korea

• the food (my main squeezes being beef and leafs (or beefs and leaves? Spell-checker is conspicuously quiet right now) and fried chicken places)

• how genuinely nice the people are
• the ultra-low crime rate (most cops don't even carry guns here...)
• the seasons
• elevators (because I can't imagine carrying my groceries up 13 flights of stairs)
• all of the fresh, local, non-GMO produce

Those are big ol' honkin' dirt-covered fresh carrots.

• the plentiful forms of public transportation
• all of the places to see and explore

• heated floors
• the call buttons in restaurants. Instead of flagging down your server at a restaurant, you just push a button on your table and it dings, your table number lights up on a sign at the top of the room, and a server comes over and gives you whatever you need. America needs to get on this. Also,
• no tips. No one in Korea expects a tip. In fact, I am told, they actually find tips insulting. So between the table button and the no tipping, you really can't get a better restaurant experience than in Korea.
• the open-to-interpretation traffic laws. It seems that red lights and speed limits are merely suggestions of how one should drive here. Now typically, I follow the rules of the road, but if there is a screaming child in the backseat that just. won't. quit. I will sometimes blow through a red light (after slowing down and checking for other cars and people and blah blah PSA is ending now) and I most definitely speed. But that is due to the fact that I can barely see the km/hr numbers on my dashboard during the daytime. And I don't go out at night, soooo...
• the funny signs. I love that they clearly don't consult an English-is-my-first-language person when making signs. 

• food delivery. You are only a phone call and one scary scooterbike drive away from having hot yummy food delivered right to your door. No extra charges for delivery, no tip expected or taken.
• kids cafes. The Koreans love kids, and it really shows. You can walk into a kids cafe, let your kids run free, while you sip your iced coffee (or your beer! This is A Thing!). The workers will play with and supervise your children and they also have video monitors set up so that you can peek at them too. This is a great way to talk to other adults while also accomplishing a play date with small people. Win win win win win.

• the experience of living overseas. While it now seems "normal" to bow to people I see on the elevator and throw my dryer vent out the window and avoid cake in a Korean setting and mutter the few Korean words I know, at one point, it was not. It was all shiny and new and exciting and an experience that some people will never get to have. I have to remind myself of this when dealing with the items listed below, because this really is a unique experience, and we are only here for a short little blip of time. I don't want to take this for granted. 

With all of that said....

My least favorite things about Korea

• the smells. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph there are so many smells here. You can walk down the street and smell the most amazing food cooking (aka garlic smells) and then 5 steps later you are slapped in the face with the most repugnant odor you've ever smelled in your entire life. You will literally gag. God bless anyone who is pregnant in Korea. The smells are significantly worse in the summer, when the they're all heated up and trapped in humidity like a thick, stinky fog. Luckily, you can usually walk another 5 feet and escape the stench, but it still doesn't erase the fact that you originally smelled it.
• the lack of central air conditioning. This actually ranks numero uno for me. I can't understand how this country is so technologically advanced in some areas, and yet when they're building these brand new high-rise condos, they don't bother to install some central air. Between this and squatty potties, I feel like Korea is holding themselves back from joining the civilized world.
• the itsy bitsy teeny weeny parking spots. It is currently the only incentive I have to gain zero pounds here. Because not only must I contort my body to escape my own seat, I must also wedge myself between the doors in the backseat to get both children in and out of their carseats. When someone parks a leeeeetle too close to the line next to me, I sometimes have to wrangle a child from the other side of the car, if that makes any sense. Usually Sam is standing beside the car while my rear end is high in the sky attempting to shove Molly in her carseat (from the opposite side) and buckle her in, all the while saying unpleasant American things. I also sometimes forget how much our parking garage echoes. Oops. I look forward to one day, pulling STRAIGHT into a parking spot (you have to back into all of the spots here- I suck at this. HARD.), throwing open the door with reckless abandon and both inhaling and exhaling while exiting the vehicle. I have a dream, folks.
• the lack of insulation between bathrooms in our apartment. I can literally hear everything that the people in the bathroom above me are doing. The man hocks up a big loogie every morning at 5:45 on the dot. I'm sure the people below me are thankful that I only belt out "Let It Go" every morning (peppered with "get OFF of your sister! Let it gooooooooo let it GOOOOOO- THAT IS NOT NICE, GET MY UNDIES OFF HIS HEAD RIGHT. NOW.")

Oh why yes I am that creepy neighbor standing on a chair in my kitchen trying to "catch the moon" but it might look like I have voyeuristic tendencies if you didn't notice the moon. My apologies.

What I miss most about America

• my family and friends
• having a backyard and a grill 
• sweet tea
  
• drive-thrus
• Chick-fil-A
• Chick-fil-A drive-thrus where I can order a sweet tea
• Target
• walking into a store and finding clothes I can wear right then instead of browsing online and then wondering if the tugboat will bring it before the seasons change
• being able to read signs
• being able to read menus
• being able to read anything
• bakeries that use sugar in their sweets

What I miss least about America

• the political correctness. I love that Koreans just really don't give two shits. When they tell you you are too "large-y" to wear their clothes, they aren't trying to make fun of you or insult you. They are just informing you that you will not fit into their clothes (and you will not), and by the way, here is a pair of elastic-waisted pants, watch me stretch them for you so you can see them in action. (Side story: A friend and I were browsing these shirts in an underground market, and finally the shop owner came over and said something to us in Korean. After us not understanding, she made a round shape over her belly with her hands and we realized these were maternity clothes. Yikes. (But that explains the cut-outs for the boobs.) We actually just pretended we were pregnant. I could pass for 16 weeks easy.)
• the crime. I understand that there is some crime everywhere, but I feel perfectly comfortable walking around town at night by myself (which, let me assure you, is SO RARE, but has happened before and here I am, living to talk about it and all). I am comfortable letting most any Korean give my kids a hug without worrying that they're going to book it down the street with them. (Secretly I know they would be returned in a very timely manner, once the whining for chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese started up.) I just haven't met any truly weirdo, manic, psycho Koreans. They all seem pretty happy and free of loud, obnoxious, in-your-face American opinions. It is a breath of fresh air, and I'm not really looking forward to returning to all of that in the future.

ARM ROLLS ZOMG.

• listening to everyone's conversations. When I'm out at a restaurant, I can easily tune out all the jibber jabber from the other tables, because frankly, I have no clue what they're saying. When I hear playground noise through my window (in the warmer months), it doesn't irritate me, because again, it just sounds like background noise. If I hear the American kids out there screaming and yelling and saying ugly words to each other, it bugs me. But the Korean kids? Curse each other out for all I care, I don't understand it. At all. 

OVERALL, we like it here. We recommend overseas living! Especially if you have kids! Because if not now, when?

And really, how can you go wrong in a place with this sort of ice cream to cone ratio?

Project 365 - week 7

Behold, another week.

We had our Valentine's Day program at PWOC this morning, so Molly and Sam wore the handmade shirts that sweet Ruthie made them last year. They got soooo many compliments. And (knock on all the wood), these shirts have somehow managed to stay stain-free.

I had some leftover batter, and snagged these cute liners and stick signs at the PX for 75 cents! My aim is to make everyone in Steve's office happy. Fat and happy.

There are no free rides in this house.

Smash cake session- the before shot. Check out facebook to see the little cutie in action.

Girlfriend was not feeling 100% today, so while Steve and Sam went out to go have some fun, we watched some Thomas the Train and enjoyed the quiet.

Steve made himself some macaroni and somehow it turned into a family feast on the kitchen floor.

This afternoon cup of coffee brought to you by Molly sleeping like a newborn last night and a mostly-cleaned house (for now). My brain feels like a limp noodle. The End.

Shoebox Tour 2014 - our Korean apartment

This turned out much longer than I anticipated. As in, possibly the longest post I've ever written. And as expected, this is overly detailed. Welcome to my crazy! It would, in theory, be easier to do a video tour, because then I wouldn't have to upload one MILLION photos of every angle of every room, but it turns out that I hate the way my voice sounds recorded, and I can't subject the internet to that sort of noise. So a photo tour it is. Buckle up!

Front door! When you get off the elevator, you will come upon this lovely scene.

A massive stroller and bags of poopy diapers. Only the most welcoming of sights!

To the left, beside the stroller, there is a little half-wall with a storage area behind it. Not that I don't trust my neighbors, but I'm not storing my Christmas decorations and such out here, so it is mostly a crap pit. Behold.

What should you steal first? The broken wagon? Or the broken fan? Decisions, decisions..

The front door.

The button on the right is the doorbell. There is a little camera inside so that when you ring it, I can see your face on a screen inside and decide if I want to pretend that I'm home or not. (Most likely the shrieking children will give me away though.) When I wanna go inside, I slide up the little slider thingy, punch in my code, then slide it back down. And voila! The door unlocks.

Once you're inside, you'll need to take your shoes off. One, because it's tradition in Korea, and two because it's disgusting to wear your shoes in the house. Lucky for you, I have a nice big shoe closet!

Ta-da! It smells really bad. Like feet.

The opposite side is another shoe closet, but with drawers and other little organizational areas.

We store only the most useful of things in here- old bubbles, shovels, and jackets that don't fit anyone anymore.

One complaint I have is this (Korea, listen up)- there is no coat closet. For a place that experiences cold weather, I kind of expect this. I appreciate the shoe storage, really I do, but let's make the coat closet thing happen.

Moving onward, we shall see the kids' bathroom. And if you're visiting, this is your bathroom too! So multifunctional!

There are no towel hooks in the bathrooms here. And since we don't tend to close the door while using the bathroom ANYWAY (hello suddenly-manic toddlers!), we just hang their towels on the door handle. (If you come visit, I promise I'll close the door while using the bathroom. Pinky promise.)

Notice the continuing bathroom theme- no storage. The mirrors do slide open and there is space in there, but not for anything too tall, like cleaners. The tub is a great size (fits 2 medium-sized toddlers!) and the floor is a great space to store baby potties that no one plans to use ever.

Bath toys are stored in a massive Korean strainer, and what bathroom is complete without Army gear decor?

There is a shower head, but no shower curtain. Korean bathrooms have tile floors that are sunken lower than the rest of the floors in the house. There is also a large drain in the floor so you can drain all of your water out that way.

So no big deal if you spill all of the water out of the bathtub!

Moving right along, we stumble into Molly's room. (Don't forget to step up when you exit the bathroom! Your toes will thank you!)

Ahhh so peaceful. Even a Hello Kitty minky blanket to snuggle with. (When in Korea...)

Books, glider, the blessed and most sacred sound machine.

Molly's room has sliding glass doors. They lead out to a little Korean "balcony." It's all glassed in, but it's the closest thing we've got to a balcony. Unfortunately....

HOARDERS.

This is the only storage space we have. Hence the sheer curtains that always cover Molly's doors. Notice the infant carrier. I keep it with me to ward off the baby spirits. Because if I'd put it in storage... you know what would happen.

On the opposite side- outdoor shower!

In case you wanna show it all off to the elementary school behind our house.

Here's her view. Well, it would be her view if we opened the curtains. And cleared out the mountain o' crap.

We've been hiking on those mountains! Almost died! Fun memories.

The last cool Korean feature of Molly's balcony is the drying rack. Apparently all Koreans do not use their balconies for storing junk and Christmas decorations and actually dry their clothes out here. There is a little remote control that brings the rack down to normal Korean height, you hang your clothes on it, and then push the button and it goes back to the ceiling. There's even a fan option on there to dry them faster.

I'll clean the glass tomorrow. Ha. Not.

Moving onto the living room!

The monstrosity that is The Lack Of A Coat Closet. And its sidekick- Basket O' Winter Crap.

The "air conditioning" Pfffffffffft......... This one tower is supposed to cool the whole place down. As you can imagine, that doesn't happen. Especially when we can't read what it says...

This is the touch screen I was telling you about- where I can see you on the outside without you knowing that I'm looking.

Top: speaker where Korean announcements pertaining to our apartment complex spill out. These come on randomly, and sometimes at night. The horribly wrong translations make up for the annoying factor of hearing them at 9pm. Middle: touch screen to buzz people in the building, talk to them without opening your door, call the guards, check your electric usage, etc. Bottom left: controls the heated floors of each room and the water heater. Bottom right: touch screen to control living room lights.

I will be honest with you- I don't really know what this is for. It's another touch screen. I accidentally fell into the top button while Steve was in the shower. It turns off all the lights in the house at once. The bottom button turns off all the gas in the house. Maybe this is something the Koreans hit before walking out the door to ensure safety? I try to never touch them. Or fall into them. Mostly because you can't just push it again and have everything turn back on.

Moving into the kitchen...

Look, there's the door. We have walked all of 4 feet so far.

If you sent us a Christmas card, thank you. To show my appreciation, I'll be leaving them up until next Christmas.

Storage- but not for ugly things since it's all see-through.

Wall of Art Mostly Done By Other People With My Kids

This pull-out space under the metal-covered microwave is where you're supposed to put your rice cooker. Seeing as I'm so white though, I just use it to store junk.

You just lift the handle on the cover and voila!

A microwave we don't understand! We only use the bottom button, which we push repeatedly to warm things up in 30-second increments. I know, you don't have to say it, we're geniuses.

Moving right along ever so slowly in painful detail, we have the dryer! In the kitchen. Nothing about this bothers me. It's nice white noise.

Since Koreans don't typically use dryers, this one is American, rented from the Army. We plug it into a transformer to convert the energy, and throw the metal air expeller thingymabob out the window. It is just as klassy as you're imagining.

Top left: the gas line for the oven and the mechanical thingy that turns it off when I accidentally fall into that touch screen by the door. Top right: my little shelf of cute and useful things. Bottom: Appliances and previously mentioned transformer.

Possibly one of the nicer kitchen amenities is the kimchi fridge. They come with very pungent-smelling kimchi containers that fit perfectly in the fridge, but we opted to store those in a well-ventilated area and use them for something a bit more useful for us.

The top fridge has milk and cheese and other foodstuffs in it. The bottom is for booze. Yum. And naturally, top right, we have no clue what any of this means. We just hit buttons until it goes cold and then we try not to touch it again.

Next we have our fancy water machine. Apparently Korea does not filter their water to American standards (our standards, they are pretty high, it seems), so you get a water machine to further filter your water. Ours makes ice too, so breathe easy Mama! Your Diet Coke will be iced when you come visit!

I mean, again, we have no clue what this thing is capable of doing. We just push for water and don't expect much else.

And here's my Easy Bake Oven!

It looks pretty, but it's all in Celsius (oh, and Korean!) and if you touch the outside while you're cooking something, you will burn your hand. Apparently Koreans don't use ovens. Ever. They aren't even included in some apartments.

I can appreciate the gas range though.

I didn't take photos of my sink because it was full of dishes. And I really didn't want to waste valuable preschool time washing dishes. Trust me, it's huge and I love it. There is no garbage disposal though and that is just disgusting. I've lived without a garbage disposal before, but I've never had to empty a food basket before. Underneath the sink there is a little metal basket that catches all the food you unknowingly washed down the drain. You must now empty that wet goop out into your....

food dehydrator!!

We didn't know what this weird little machine was under the sink when we first moved in. But it turns out, you open the drawer and throw all of your food waste inside, press a button, and it dehydrates it for you, while eliminating the smells! (What you are seeing is broccoli and carrot roughage, post-juicing.) Since that is part of our trash system, we just take the bucket out, chuck all of the food waste in, rinse it out, and place it back in the dehydrator.

The sink has a regular faucet handle up top to control how fast the water comes out, but you control the water being turned on and off with a foot pedal.

I'll probably need this for my future dream house. It takes some getting used to, but now I'm kinda hooked.

To the right of the kitchen dryer, is the itsy bitsy teeny weeny laundry room.

It's a tight squeeze in this room between the recycling and the washing machine.

Leaving the kitchen, we find Sam's room. And it's oddly clean.

Don't be fooled. This was destroyed again before bed. Which leaves me wondering why I ever bother cleaning it in the first place?

The Christmas tree has turned into a nightlight of sorts. So for now (and probably forever), it stays.

Their favorite pastime is to rip all the books off the shelf while laughing maniacally.

And exiting Sam's room and heading to the "master" bedroom.

When the movers hauled this through the window, I said, "What? Did I really ask to bring that?" Steve said, "You got a little crazy there towards the end. I wasn't gonna tell you no." Smart man.

Another rarity- bed made. Also, a fun fact- our lamps are so useless. We need a transformer to plug them in. Guess who's side of the bed doesn't even have a plug, much less a transformer?

Steve's side of the bed. The white cabinet is our bathroom storage since we have none. (You'll see.) And the transformer is for my blow dryer, random vacuuming, and Steve's razor when he buzzes his head.

Top left: The control panel on the left, I honestly don't know what that's for. The little button that's split in half controls the light. And only the top half of the button works, which irritates the bejeezus outta me. Nothing like being in a hurry and having to press precisely on one half of a tiny button. The second control panel is for the heated floors and the water heater. We keep the post-it note so we don't forget what everything is for. Right: a wall of closets. If you've been paying attention, you'll notice that they are the only closets in the house, outside of the shoe closets when you walk in the front door. Bottom left: I am embarrassed. This is a little vanity area with a huge mirror (and no light). It has become a dumping ground for clothes that need to go to the thrift store on post.

Connected to our room, is a little bonus area. We're clearly using it as an office/catch-all/crap collector.

I know. It's hideous. (Minus the pillow Lauren made me during the deployment- "scream here")

Besides the tower in the living room, there is this tiny AC unit. Don't let its size fool you though, it's pretty powerful!

And last but not least, the master bathroom. It's almost as tiny as our Ft Campbell bathroom, but with a tub included, so I think square footage-wise, it's slightly larger. Three extra points for the shoebox.

Again- no storage, no towel hooks. One tiny bathtub/shower. The bathtub is so tiny that you cannot extend your legs all the way out. But it is pretty deep, so that's a small plus I guess..

Korean quirks- our super grown-up master bath has this happy kitty toothbrush holder glued to the wall. Such a nice statement piece. Bottom left: techno-toilet. Bottom right: That's our toilet plugged into the wall. Because yes, the toilet seats here need POWER. Above that plug is (what I am told) a noise-maker. Apparently Koreans do not like to be heard "doing the deed" so they can push a button and have a waterfall sound cover the tinkling sound they're making in the toilet. Ours doesn't work, but fortunately, it wasn't a deal-breaker for us.

Behind the bathroom door is this glassed-in shower. We were particularly excited about the rain head shower, but the water pressure from that is crap, so we don't even use it anymore. It's pretty though, right?

And there you have it folks- the longest house tour in the history of the world. Aren't you glad my house is so small? Otherwise this could have been a lot worse. On the plus side, now you can all come visit and know exactly where everything is. You're welcome.