That time we went on a double date and everyone's souvenir was a horrific sunburn to the legs

Last week, we celebrated the Army's birthday by leaving post and our children and enjoying some friends that the Army has given us.

Let me back up and introduce our neighbor-friends first.

Vickie and Jimmy

I have mentioned Vickie here before as my neighbor who saved me many times during the deployment by way of catching my children as I hurled them over the fence at her.
She always has food to give my children.
She lets me vent to her about irrational things.
She keeps me informed of the latest neighborhood gossip.
She brings the best food to BBQs.
She pops out lawn chairs and hands my kids popsicles and lets us sit out in her driveway and play til bedtime.
She has three boys that play with Sam like he's their brother.
She has a husband that doesn't give me weird looks when he sees me leaving his house with a massive bowl of bacon potato salad. Or soup. Or bulgogi. He never once told me that maybe I should cook something for myself during this deployment. He just let Vickie feed me and my kids like we were bums at a soup kitchen.
To summarize, I LOVE THESE PEOPLE.

Moving on.

Sweet, saintly Sarah came over to babysit all five of our kids (yep, five, as in 5, as in 1-2-3-4-FIVE) so our neighbors could go kayaking with us at the Land Between The Lakes. Or as the cool locals call it, El Bee El. We had to hike down to the kayak/canoe station, and once we had gotten down the massive hill, Vickie and I realized we needed to use the bathroom and change shoes. (Priorities- we have them.) After burning a few extra calories hiking back up and then hiking down again and only seeing one baby frog that we thought was a snake, we were able to listen to the safety brief about kayaking.

After we learned the importance of never taking off our life jackets lest we drown in two feet of sludge, we were able to wade through the mud and get into the kayaks.

Ahh so attentive.

My enormous rear requires multiple people to assist me, lest I fall in the lake and scream like a girl who thinks lakes are gross. (They are.)

Once out in the water with no supervision, we had a really good time! Minus the whole forgetting-to-put-on-sunscreen situation. We quickly accepted the fact that we were going to roast. Some of us fought it, some of us embraced it.

You know you're a devoted redneck when you opt for a farmer's tan on your very white legs.

Ahhhhh serenity now...

We had previously joked that we would have a race. I was all, "Steve and I would totally win since we lift Molly multiple times a day, thus ensuring our superior upper body strength." And then Vickie found a spider the size of a chihuahua crawling towards her in her kayak and she paddled for shore like an Olympian. Except she only made it to a cement block about seven feet from shore and ditched her kayak there. After the rest of us attempted to chase down the runaway kayak for a bit, Jimmy finally got that monster out. It was MASSIVE. And also, no race. We would be murdered for sure.

After all of that fun, we decided to head back to shore and return our kayaks. We were all starting to get hungry for lunch and sufficiently burned. We paddled through a tough bunch of lily pads and got to where we thought we were supposed to return the kayaks. Only it wasn't. Because we paddled to the opposite side of the lake omg. At this point, it was very much a do-or-die-very-hungry situation, so the chit chat stopped completely and we got down to business paddling back through the lily pads.

I like to bring up the rear to make sure everyone is accounted for and didn't drop anything by mistake, like a wallet or a cell phone or a Snickers.

This photo pretty accurately depicts the trip. And I can't look at it without laughing hysterically.

Jimmy- Class V rapids qualified. Steve- No rush. Jenn- Can't paddle that closely to someone else. Also, holy hair. Vickie- What the hell are these people doing and why did I come here with them?

We had so much fun getting out of the house with ADULTS. The weird tan lines now were definitely worth it. Just a few more people that I wanna pack up and move to Korea with us. (And not just because Vickie is half-Korean either! Although, what a plus!)

Knock #21 off the list!

Also, please support your local farmer's tanned legs and vote for me today! (You can vote once daily! Only two clicks involved! Muchas gracias!)