A weekly rundown

First of all, I have to ask you, does a cuter Kardashian exist? I think not.

Some might wonder if those are real or not, but those cheeks are 100% all natural. #blessed

This week has been slam-full. Not a single day where we didn't have something going on, and luckily, that has made it pass by fairly quickly. Of course, that is exactly what I wish for, while also wishing for time to stop. Because hormones.

I haven't lugged out the double BOB in quite a while. I've been waiting for Hank to be a little less floppy-necked to use it and he is finally there. So instead of unloading the other double from the back of the car, I rolled the BOB out to the playground up the street. As I was pushing it though, I looked down and felt my heart fly up into my throat. I saw two sets of legs- one set of little tree trunks with tiny shoes on, and the other set barefoot with chunky thighs catching some sun. I had a mini panic attack because this wasn't Sam and Molly. And that's who those little legs and chunky thighs have always belonged to in this stroller. My mama heart cannot fathom that those little legs and tiny shoes are now sitting at a desk in first grade with youth sized shoes on, while the bare feet and chunky thighs have been replaced with size 13 shoes and slim thighs that make her run really really fast. How has time slipped away so quickly? Is this park trip right now going to soon be a blur in my mind too, as I wish for this deployment to hurry up and end? I'm trying so hard not to wish the time away, while also dying a slow death via parental exhaustion.

On Monday evening we had the usual soccer practice and mad rush to get everyone home and bathed and in bed afterwards. I pack Will and Molly a picnic dinner, and make Sam's dinner and set it in the fridge so he can eat when he gets home. While he eats, I bathe Hank, make a bottle, and then take the other three upstairs. I have Molly play with Will while I swaddle and feed Hank and then put him to bed. By then Sam is usually upstairs so he and Molly play while I bathe and get Will into his pajamas. I put Will to bed and then bathe Molly. I try to tidy up upstairs while Sam showers himself and Molly gets into her pajamas. Then we all say prayers and I tuck the big two in. Once that's over with I can run downstairs and start chores and eat dinner and start thinking about going to bed. Ha! My favorite part of the day.

On Tuesday, I picked the kids up from school and took Molly to dance. The boys and I ran a few errands around town while she was there. Since her dance class lets out at dinnertime, we rush home to do dinner, baths, and bed. Lather, rinse, repeat the above.

On Wednesday morning, I had a friend come over for a playdate. The last time she came over, I knocked an entire bottle of soju off the top of the fridge right before she arrived. Of course it shattered into a million tiny green pieces that smelled like fingernail polish remover. So preparing for her to come over was much less stressful this past week. Just a light vacuuming and picking up toys. Way less intense than the shop vac and trying to convince her that I didn't have a major drinking problem at 9am. Wednesday night was AWANA and they did wacky hair and outfit night. The picture stinks but you get the gist of it. Sam went all out wearing Will's clothes and then putting some of his own underwear on top of his head.

I normally make a midweek commissary run while the big two are at AWANA, but I didn't need anything (say what?) so I took the two little guys home, gave them baths, and then loaded their pajama'd selves back into the car and dropped off recycling before picking the big kids up. AWANA doesn't end until 7:30 so that really stresses me out because Hank is normally passed out by 7 with Will and the other two not far behind. As soon as we got home I chucked Will into bed and put Hank to sleep (TOOK FOREVER) before finally bathing Sam and Molly. I was slightly stressed out (ha) and might have frantic-texted Casey too much. (Sorry, Casey!!!! YOU DA BEST.)

On Thursday morning, I dropped the kids off at school and then prepped lunches for Will and myself since we were going to be out til noon. My friend from Korea is leading a Bible study in a town about a half hour from us and I told her I'd do the study with her. Will went to childcare (tears) and I took Hank with me. The study went well and it was very obvious when I picked Will up that he had the time of his life. I've never seen him so excited to show me things, but he led me around the playroom like he's been going there for years. He even did some handprint art, which is the way to my heart. Art from my kids, with their tiny little hands, that I did not have to assist in making. Melting. I got the boys home (fed Will in the car on the way) and changed diapers before putting them down for naps. Before I'd even sat down, it was time to go to the bus stop to get Sam and Molly. After snacks and homework, we headed out to the soccer field for a weeknight game! How exciting! For once we had the chance to watch a game that didn't involve sweating through our eyeballs! It. Felt. AMAZING. The game flew by and Will only tried to fling himself into the on-field action once. Maybe twice. I'll be honest. It's hard to try and film plays for Steve while I'm screaming like a nut and trying to keep an eye on Will and Molly. Hank- forgot about him. Not sure if I was holding him or if he was in the stroller but he made it out alive too. Anyways, all that to say that I did rewatch one of my videos to Steve and noticed Will just toddling around staring at other parents. Also! Sam's team won! They lost their first two games so they were extra pumped over this win.

It probably goes without saying that that was a late night. Everyone and their brother needed a shower after that game. See above for labor intensive shower schedule.

Friday morning came incredibly quickly and after getting the big kids off to school, we came home just long enough to make and eat breakfast before hightailing it back to Sam's school for their 6 week assembly. Recognizing the kids for academics, perfect attendance, conduct, etc. We hauled ASS over there and I slapped some mascara on in the parking lot before busting out the stroller and taking the boys in. They started early and we ended up watching from the wall. Then, as quickly as it started, it was over and the kids were whisked back to class! I gave Sam a hug as he walked back to class and then asked a friend if she could get a picture of me with the other two.

Will was not having it. First thing in the morning, he needs to be outside and running around. So we skipped a Starbucks date with friends and headed to the playground instead. It actually did not feel like the surface of the sun, so we all had a great time before heading home for lunch, naps, etc. Molly rode the bus home to a friend's house, so we got our Sam and headed out for haircuts- just me and my boys. Will has been waking up with some WHACK bedhead, so he was due for a trim. Little old lady took off more than I'd bargained for, but whatever. Maybe we won't have to go back so soon. I can't say I enjoy having him sit on me screaming as I am sprinkled with every tiny hair from his head. Then Sam got his hair cut and wanted a lightening bolt. I knew the barbers at this shop are somewhat elderly, so I prepared him for the fact that it might not happen, don't be disappointed, etc. But then the lady said she'd give it a shot! HAHA I thought ahhh what could go wrong here. What could go wrong was for her to ask me to draw a lightening bolt for her. Which she did. And so I drew one. Terribly. Then she did it.

Or attempted to do it. Whatever. That will grow out soon enough.

She asked him what he thought of it and I cringed, waiting for his ultra honest answer. But luckily he couldn't see it very well with a mirror. So I told her thank you and he'd see it later. Let's get OUTTA HERE. I showed him a picture in the car and he said, "Well it wasn't what I had in mind." But he said he got it because his team's name is Lightening and surely they'll win the game with his lightening bolt hair!

After haircuts, we headed to a froyo shop with friends. They both got honor roll and good conduct so we thought, ah let's reward the little crazies. Will was already on a sugar rush from his barber shop sucker, so he was extra pumped up for some froyo with toppings selected by two first graders... We left there in a sticky haze and headed to go pick up Molly from her friend's house. Tears because why can't she live there. Friday is our pizza night (haha because I'm lazy and frozen pizza is $3), so forget the fact that the boys have now had sugar galore, they are also having pizza for dinner. Bathed them before dinner because of the sticky/hair situation, made pizza, and let them eat before chucking them all swiftly in bed.

Hank let me sleep in til 5:40 this morning, which I am eternally grateful for, while also extremely depressed about because 5:40 should never, on this earth, be considered sleeping in. But 'round these parts it is. So. We hung out til everyone else woke up at 6 and then we started getting ready for Sam's game. We had to get there an hour early today for team pictures. We essentially pack like we're spending a day at the beach. Giant sportsbrella (because gingers), stroller, chairs, snacks, wipes, water bottles, diaper bag, bottles, formula, etc. Good thing these games last for an hour because I'm not sure I could justify the lugging of that much shit down a gravelly non-paved road by myself for a 30 minute game like the little kids play. Sam's lightening bolt haircut worked some luck and they won again! Will was not at all interested in sitting under the umbrella and ate all of his snacks before the game even started so that was a bust. Luckily there was a shaded playground nearby and I basically just jerked my head back and forth between watching Will and Molly play and Sam's game. Hank slept for some of the game, praise the lord, and then he had to listen to me screaming in his ear for the rest of the game. They did so well! And it's surprisingly entertaining! I'd love to focus 100% on the game but I'm clinging to the promise that one day I will.

This lasted about ten whole minutes before they headed for the playground behind us.

Another game where we didn't drown in a puddle of sweat!! WINNING

After lugging everyone/everything back to the car and the house, we made a quick lunch and then attempted naptime/quiet time. That ended FAR too soon for my liking and we were looking for something to do to burn energy during the long afternoon hours. I randomly heard that our town has an art park?? News to me. So we drove to town and checked it out.

Not terribly large or impressive, but it was nice out and it was fun seeing a new side of town we had not explored before. We also saw some red leaves and everyone got REALLY excited about fall. Despite the fact that it was 87* out and we were all sweating. Ha!

The kids had so much fun swinging on the two dinky swings at the art park that we went straight home to go swing on more swings.

We had some friends meet us there to play until the meltdowns didn't stop and we all headed home. Baths, dinner, teeth, BED. I've got the kitchen clean and coffeepot prepped. We'll see if I'm up to the aerobic workout known as "mass" tomorrow morning. Will is high energy at 9am.... Pray for me.

That one day streak was really impressive huh

So.... I quickly realized that since I'm no longer pumping, I no longer have any reason to sit at the end of the day. Which means I don't have a ton of time to blog anymore. But I refuse to let this thing die! Even if it's painfully obvious that it needs to.

This past week went by fairly quickly. We have been so busy. And by we I mean me of course. The kids are busy making messes and dirtying laundry and asking me what else they can eat (THE OPTIONS LITERALLY NEVER CHANGE OMG) and I am mostly refereeing and trying to keep everyone alive, fed, and clean (and in that order). I hardly make it til 9:30 most nights before I am konked out asleep.

The rhythm is good though. I think we need it and it will help the time pass by a bit quicker and easier, even if it does all but kill me. I swear Hank is the best baby I've ever had (sorry you other three). He is fairly low maintenance, sleeps amazingly well, and even naps fairly consistently. But I'm not sure what it is- I never stop feeling like I've been hit by a train. No matter how much coffee I drink, I am always ready to jump right back in bed. Will has taken an interest in waking up at 5am these days though, so I don't see any sleeping in in my near future.

In my "on this day" feature in my photos, I am seeing photos pop up of toddler Sam and baby Molly right before Steve deployed. So crazy that it's been five years since that happened. And here we are again- same season, babies the same ages (almost), and even in a house with the same layout! Bizarre.

The kids started AWANA this past week and love it. Sam had his first soccer game last Saturday (they lost, but it opened up a nice discussion on being a graceful loser). Molly is still doing dance and really well at school, and in her spare time, she finds six billion questions to lob my way. Will is in this terrible phase where he doesn't talk yet, but desperately needs/wants to, so instead he just slaps anyone that doesn't respond to him the way he wants them to. This has made playdates exponentially harder, as I have to up my referee/lifeguard game and frequently yell mid-sentence for him to quit doing something he's not supposed to be doing. I know it's a phase, but man, it's an ugly one. Not to be Negative Nancy on Will- he counters these frustrated outbursts with THE sweetest, most heart-melting moments; he will walk up to me and squeeze my legs in a big hug, or come kiss Hank on the head, belly flop onto Molly and give her a kiss, giggle as he chases Sam, and hold my hand and snuggle with me. He is my sweet boy and even when he's bad, I can't help but love him to death. Hank officially started formula. I gave him some breastmilk after having given him a bottle of formula and he kinda acted like it tasted awful. So the few bags left in the freezer will be used for random diaper rashes and anything else that needs breastmilk thrown at it. The kids are still doing Sunday school after mass and even though they took away childcare during mass (you can probably hear me sobbing from here), we are still going to attempt to go and practice sitting still and being quiet. Will isn't terrible. He does fairly well during the first half. But the last half really requires a lot of work to keep him still, and I'm hoping that sitting near friends will help the situation. Maybe I can pass Hank off to them if I need to chase Will down. I have started going to PWOC again and love it. My friend Rachel is leading a Bible study at her church each week, so I am going to start going to that as well to support her! Toss in a few playdates, grocery shopping, remembering to put gas in the car (this is very hard for me), meal prep, reviewing spelling words and schoolwork, cleaning the house, laundry, refilling the mother $@*!~ baby wipes containers, and I am freaking SPENT. I fall face first into bed most nights and don't so much as move a muscle until Hank wakes me up in the morning (or the middle of the night- whatever).

And with that, Will is awake from his nap. Oh, and Hank too! Lovely. Who needs alone time. Not me. #blessed

But seriously, I feel super blessed lately.

Sweating: the details

Coming at you live from the couch, utilizing my sit-down time (pumping) and my hands-free pumping bra (I can see my reflection in the computer screen and it's horrifying) to recap the day. Our days are usually pretty busy but today was insane. And I'm not sure how much or how often I'll be able to speak to Steve, so I figured I'd write it all out here. If he ever gets some sort of internet access and the desire to fall asleep reading about some stay at home mom minutiae, I can hook him up. Maybe I can recap nightly. Maybe just this week and never again. We'll see how it goes.

This morning started off with a 2am wakeup from Hank, parched and starving to death. I got him back down around 3:30 and went back to bed. Alarm at 5:15 because BUS DAY. The suburban must have gotten wind that it was paid off, so naturally it decided to die a horrible death soon after. The headlights wouldn't turn off until the battery was dead, so if we wanted to go anywhere, we had to use Steve's car to jump mine off and get her goin. Then either leave it running or pray it started back up again while we were out. (Love living dangerously.) I had an appointment at a Chevy dealer this morning to get it fixed, but did not want to attempt jumping the suburban off in the dark and with the possibility that it might not start at all (although I did have a tow scheduled just in case), so the kids rode the buses to school.

They go to different schools, and ride different buses, and those buses are on two wildly different schedules. Sam's bus comes at 6:40. As in the morning 6:40. Insanity, right? So I got up extra early to make sure we all got there in time. He made the bus, we walked back home, putzed around (fed babies), and walked back up to the bus stop for Molly's bus 45 minutes later. I pushed the small two home and got the cars ready for the big jump.

Miraculously, it only took about 15 minutes to charge my battery enough to start and I was able to cancel the tow. We drove to the dealer (about a half hour away) and handed over the car. Will was somewhat contained in the showroom, watching all of the cars and trucks driving by outside the big windows. One of the salesmen commented on how hyper his grandchildren are (and I started to cringe), but then told me how calm Will is in comparison. Annnnnnnd exhale. But also lol because it does not feel that way to me. We only waited an hour and a half and only paid a minimal charge and we were on our way. Oh what was wrong with it? Just some wires and their protective coating burned off, that's all. Mechanic was a little surprised nothing had caught fire yet, no big deal. CERTIFIED PRE-OWNED MY ASS, NYC CHEVY DEALER. We also found a condom in the headrest the other day while cleaning out the car, so maybe a fiery explosion in the engine is small beans compared to what the rest of that car was put through prior to becoming our wholesome family wagon.

We came home, I threw food at Will, attempted to pump, Hank screamed at the slowness of it all, and I finally put Will down for a nap before feeding Hank. Managed to eat lunch during naptime but that was about it because we had to do diaper changes before walking to the bus stop to pick up Molly. I changed Hank, then changed Will. Heard Hank loudly and wetly (<--no squiggly line, that's a word) fart. So I changed Hank again. Went to find Will and he was looking mighty guilty so I asked if he pooped and he smacked his bottom Britney Spears style and gave me a grunt. Changed Will again. Loaded them up in the stroller and walked up to the bus stop. Got Molly off the bus (bus was running late. AGAIN.) and headed home. We grabbed her dance stuff, some snacks for the kids, some milk bottles, buckled everyone in, and rushed up to Sam's school to pick him up.

Except when I got there, there was no pickup line, no teachers standing outside, nothing. I seriously thought by the time I got Molly off the bus, I'd just cruise right on in and pick him up and avoid the line. (His bus gets home at the same time that Molly's dance class starts.) Get everybody out of the car, hustle into school, walk of shame into the office, retrieve Sam, hustle back out to the car, buckle everyone back in, zoom into town. Of course it was the first day of dance, the place was a freakin' zoo. Cars everywhere, dance moms everywhere, and then there was me, herding my three cats and big ass carseat through the tiny little entry area. I got Molly to the door she was supposed to go in and asked her teacher if they sold little ribbon ties for the tap shoes because I didn't have any but brought some shoelaces.... I hate being that person.... Of course they don't sell ribbon ties and my shoelaces were garbage, so they ended up making her laces out of hair ties (geniuses) and I noticed that I did not even rip out the tape on the inside of her shoe that said $3. Thrift shop, y'all. And they were half off when I bought them too, but I'm gonna let them think I paid the full $3 like a baller.

Checkin' out the ladies... Hank looks like he's seen some shit, but he's fine.

Anyways, it was obvious that none of the boys would last in that place for an entire hour, so we shuffled BACK out to the car, got everyone buckled back in, headed up to Sonic to see if they are selling alcoholic slushies yet (a sad, hard no), got some water instead, and headed back to the dance studio to wait for Molly's class to end. Shuffled everybody back inside the crowded dance studio only to see that they let the parents in the class at some point (?!) and got Molly. She had a GREAT time at the class and was thrilled by it all. I am already dying at the thought of seeing her at her dance recital. Cannot wait.

Killin' me with the cute!

We got home and surprise! Dinnertime rush. Once everyone was inside, I attempted to slap together some pb&j sandwiches, but realized that I never took the bread out of the freezer. Womp womp. I also have that kid that's allergic to peanut butter. Hmm. Found three hot dog buns and decided those chicken sausages were destined live like hot dogs. The trick is putting enough ketchup on them and then distracting the kids with something else while they eat them. Mission accomplished. I fed Hank and once the natives started getting restless, we all headed upstairs to do bathtime. Easily the most dreadful part of the day. The awkward leaning into the tub, wondering if I'm scrubbing enough or if soap touching them is passable, water shooting everywhere, so much sweating, rushing to bathe them as quickly as possible before Hank loses his mind again in the other room. So fun.

Once they're all bathed and teeth brushed, Hank freaks so I take him downstairs and warm up some milk for him. Molly follows me minutes later and says something about the Mighty Machines movie being over. Cue bedtime! And cue whining. We say prayers and I carefully chuck them all into bed, kissing them goodnight while threatening them with something awful (I don't know what yet... but something.) if they dare come out of their rooms. Change Hank, swaddle Hank, feed Hank into a milk coma. As soon as I put him down he wakes up. So I turn on the rocker and turn off the light and tell the big two to go back to bed as I run down the stairs to make myself some dinner. Which turns out to be what I was going to make myself for breakfast, but I never had time for that this morning. Surprisingly delicious, but the bottom of my shoe probably would have tasted good by that point I was so hungry. Load the dishwasher, wash everything in the sink, prep coffeepot, lock doors, make a mental note to take out the trash tomorrow (I'm definitely gonna forget), and finish pumping.

Side note: I'm giving up the pumping. Long story short, I just don't have the time! Obviously! Which hurts me (and my boobs specifically) because I know that I am really good at making milk! My body can make all this great free food and yet I don't have the schedule to allow for the milk to come out. And there is no way in hell that I'm trying to actually breastfeed again. I attempted it the other day and almost died waiting for him to clamp down on me. (I've got some bad latch PTSD.) But instead of clamping down he just looked horrified (wtfffffffff Mahhhhhhmmmmmm stahhhhp) until I quit trying. So I ordered some formula and that was that. I'm waiting for my boobs to quit with the supply already and my freezer stash is slowly dwindling. Kinda sad but I'm also kinda ready. Operation Deployment Bod needs to get goin' and that can't happen if Operation Milk Factory is still in full-on production mode.

Well I'm done pumping now and need to shower because besides making milk and a big scene at the Chevy dealer, I did a lot of sweating today. And that will wear a girl out.

I'm sure this post was only about 50% coherent as my mind is still running as fast as the day did, but hey-o I did it! I blogged! Finally. Goodnight.

Hold onto your hats...

...we've got another deployment to tackle.

We all feel like Will.

I honestly thought I'd be back a lot sooner to blog about something a lot better than this. We have been so busy! School has started, soccer and dance are getting underway, we have been slowly but surely exploring the area, Hank is turning into more of a baby and less of a blob, Steve and I have been going on actual DATES (without any children!!!), and we were planning all the fun things we'd do while Steve was on Rear D. Until he wasn't anymore.

Some IDIOT that was going on the deployment got a DUI. Steve was apparently the next guy in line to go, so he was put in as his replacement. We had about two weeks notice. Which initially stung. I was scrambling to prepare- things to send with Steve, things to lessen the blow for the kids (deployment wall, daddy dolls, etc), record all the things, take photos, explain why all of this is happening so fast. As the two weeks went by though, the quick timing slowly felt like more of a blessing than a curse. I loathe (L-O-A-T-H-E) the pre-deployment phase. It drags on and on and with each passing day, I'm reminded of all the things Steve will miss (and oh my word he will be missing a lot), all the things he does to help me each day, and how I will have to somehow manage it all on my own. Having him gone so quickly sort of helps get that countdown going, which ultimately reunites us and makes our family whole again.

Steve has handled it all like a champ. I wish I could say I'd be the same if I were in his shoes, but I definitely would not. I'd be a blubbering mess. Instead of wailing and sobbing all day like I might do if I was headed to a place without toilets, he has cleaned and reorganized the garage, taken care of every last household chore that he knows I'll never get to while he's gone (scrubbing mildew off the closet ceiling? Check! Take down the loaded (ew) fly bag? Check! Hang the last few (please let them be the last few) pictures on the wall? Check!), tried to do meaningful things with each child, drawn out a spreadsheet for me so that I actually remember to pay the bills on time each month (that is not my realm), and all the other little everyday things that he always does for me and the kids.

Smiling, but dying a bit inside

Aside from missing his constant help here at home, I am really just going to miss my best friend. At the end of the day when the kids are absolute PSYCHOS, I miss looking across the dining room table and giving him that look- you know the one- the look that says, I'm not sure why we created this army of little people that are suddenly turning on us but shall I get us both another glass of beer/wine/bleach?? I miss knowing that if I'm too exhausted to open my eyes one more time for the baby at night, I've got a backup that will hold him for me. I miss having someone around who knows all of our inside jokes. I miss just kicking my leg out in bed and feeling him there, completely safe and right next to me.

I'd so appreciate any and all prayers you can send our way. Prayers for Steve's safety, for Sam and Molly to understand his absence and thrive in spite of it, for Will, who doesn't understand why his favorite person is no longer here to give him a banana each morning and smother him in kisses, and for Hank, who thankfully will not remember any of this, but will also not get nearly the amount of attention he deserves, even as the fourth baby. And lastly, please pray for me. I feel so ill-equipped to be both mom and dad for my kids. I look at these nine months ahead and see mountains of work. And all I really want to see are opportunities to make memories with my kids, and set a worthy example for them.

((My friend Rachel was so sweet to take all of these photos for us last-minute (and I do mean last-minute: I texted her in my pajamas about an hour and a half before we met up to do them), and they really do perfectly capture what life is like right now. I can never thank her enough for making this photo session happen. She did such a great job and they mean the world to me.))