Week five - ok this needs to end

I was not anticipating this whole in-processing .... PROCESS (for lack of a better word) to last this long. The amount of time it's taken for Steve to accomplish the most basic things is astounding (and that is not to put him down- his hands are tied). I am just gobsmacked at how poorly managed everything has been.

I don't even think I took a picture every day this week. Not a whole lot happened. Besides me going absolutely insane. But that is kinda like a weekly occurrence now. So I will just hit the highlights!

Steve ran into our former babysitter from when we were in Korea!!! She works at the dental clinic at Ft Polk and Steve went in to schedule an appointment. I'm not sure if she'll be up for babysitting again since we are adding two more needy beings and she lives almost an hour away, but you know I'll be asking..

Doesn't she have great teeth? Dental field totally suits her.

We had an appraisal done on our house this week, as well as a home inspection. Since we had neither done prior to moving in, I am curious to see what comes up. (Did I mention we have a buyer? She wants to move in June 1. Which is perfect because in my mind, we should be outta here by then. Key words: IN MY MIND)

Chief complaint: stowaways throughout home. Must be removed.

Will, prepping for the upcoming cold snap and frost warning. SMH. SMDH.

Molly had a half day of school on Wednesday. I still don't know WHY exactly. But it coincided perfectly with the time that Will takes his one solo precious most important nap each day. As we were driving home, Molly complained that it wasn't fair that she didn't get to stay an entire day like Sam. I KNOW, RIGHT? SING IT, SISTER. AIN'T FAIR. AIN'T FAIR AT ALL. WE SHOULD PROTEST THIS HALF DAY NONSENSE. I'M JUST AS UPSET AS YOU ARE BUT NO FOR REAL I AM CRYING ON THE INSIDE.

Will basically spent the entire week fluctuating between World's Cutest Baby and The Reason I Might Ask For A Hysterectomy At My Next OB Appointment. One minute he is kissing me and giggling like a sweetie and the next he is screaming at me for God only knows what and cannot be consoled. Or is only open to being consoled while I'm trying to cook dinner/wash dishes/swap laundry. I will admit- I am curious to meet Baby #4 but I might also just be counting down to when I can drink again.

One night I made my children eat this horrible dinner- cheesy egg sandwiches. I KNOW. MONSTER. Look how defeated Sam looks. Why can't we just eat hot dogs every night, Mother?! Why?! WHY?! Because I'm cruel, that's why. I'm also trying to use up every stinkin' thing left in our fridge and freezer, so I made them smoothies too. A smoothie that Molly enjoyed about as much as Sam enjoyed that sandwich. (I know you just heard my eyes knock into the back of my skull.)

Molly's last day of pre-K - can you hear me sobbing?

Of course it turned freezing and I've packed all their winter clothes away because my brain absolutely refuses to believe that we can be at the end of May and NOT be sweating our eyeballs out. It's just not natural to be wearing sweaters right now! And yet! We are! Pregnant Jenn doesn't mind of course because it's like free air conditioning everywhere I go, but dressing the small people with only summer clothes makes it a little tricky. Luckily it's usually pretty warm by the afternoon so nobody seems to mind, but I'm sure I'm getting some judge-y side eye up at the school dressing my kids in shorts.

Sam had his school concert on Friday and we almost didn't attend due to nap schedule and mental breakdowns and whatnot. But luckily we ended up being able to go and take this blurry selfie. I tried filming as much as I could for Steve but my phone kept running out of room. After rewatching most of the songs I recorded though, I realized that they were all basically the same song and he wasn't missing much. I did happen to capture the moment Sam found us in the bleachers and I think my heart swells every time I watch it.

That afternoon we headed out to Monica's house. Their go kart was fixed up and ready to roll. The kids were beyond excited. Two seats were not going to stop them from all piling in either.

I wanted to toss Will on someone's lap but he freaked out on a quick ranger ride last weekend so I didn't want him to ruin their fun with a bunch of screaming. He was content to toddle around the fields.

Saturday was the day I actually snapped. Monica offered to let the kids come hang out at her house while Will napped and I gladly accepted. The weather being cold and rainy and the kids being stuck inside while I was researching the stoopidest adultiest things was making me insane. They ended up spending the night because Monica apparently doesn't mind having six kids and spoiling them rotten. Leaving without kidnapping her is going to be really hard for me.

a blonde Molly (Monica's hair)

Meanwhile, I eventually reached a decision about washers and dryers and area rugs. I really do not enjoy the pressure of picking things like that- things that cost a lot of money and that we will have to live with for a long time because what if I choose wrong??? I don't want to make the wrong decision. And that is kinda crippling. And all of these houses are carpeted. EVERYWHERE. Not just any carpet but ugly beige carpet. Steve walked through a house with me on facetime one day and I made a comment about there being carpet in the dining room. The housing lady piped in- "Oh don't worry! It's brand new and clean!" Yeah, well, number one, that is STOOPID on y'all because it'd be much cheaper and easier to just install laminate flooring ONCE than to pay to put new carpet in (or even clean it!) every time someone moves out, and also I don't care that it's clean IT'S A DINING ROOM AND MY KIDS WILL DESTROY IT INSTANTLY. So while imagining the cost of carpet cleaning upon move-out (yes, we haven't even moved in and I am freaking out about moving out), I went to work researching what sort of area rug will work best. It needed to

• not be hideous, but also hide the zillions of food splatters it's bound to take, 
• while also not tripping up the kids' chairs as they scoot in and out from the table (hello head injuries!), 
• and it can't be too expensive either as I will likely be throwing it away as soon as we move out (because gross dining room carpet).

For shits and giggles, I googled to see what the largest size office chair mat was.

Ironically enough, two of these set side by side would be the exact dimensions of the dining room. And cheaper than any rug. And easy to clean. But also, extremely hideous. And what would I even do with these once we moved out? I really hate one trick ponies and that's most likely what these would be. Unless we have the unfortunate luck of getting another house with a carpeted dining room. Which, please. No. Also, the reviews were either glowing, or terrible. And the terrible ones seemed to far outweigh the glowing ones. So I decided to go with the rug I originally had in my shopping cart.

Also hideous, but cheap enough that I won't have any issue chucking it as soon as we move. (We have an entry rug similar to this that has held up to a massive load of dirt/snow/mud over the past two years, so I feel like this will do a similar job.) Bonus: found a walmart gift card in my wallet with $48 on it so it cut the price in half! Huzzah!

Will continued to be his usual delightful self most of Sunday morning.

Totally sent those to Steve in a "don't you miss us? SOAK UP THAT QUIET WHILE YOU CAN, BOY" kind of way. I was very very happy to eventually get Will down for a nap. Then we went out to Monica's house to retrieve the big kids and they proceeded to tag team the crazy until bedtime.

Will got a head start on the crazy this morning by squawking at 5am until I got him out of bed. Had to wake Sam up to catch the bus, and Molly slept in til 8:30ish. I don't know the time for sure because by that point I had fallen asleep sitting fully upright in a chair watching the 200th episode of Baby Einstein. When I came to, she was sitting next to me. For some reason, I am worn out. ALL THE TIME. No matter how early I go to bed, I can't seem to catch up on sleep. Maybe it's because someone likes waking up at 5am or maybe it's from being pregnant or stressed out or solo parenting with no end in sight - I DON'T KNOW. I do know that

1. I fcking hate it.
2. I'm so over being pregnant. I'm either gagging on acid or literally being assaulted from the inside out and I just want this to be over with. Even the upcoming (further) sleep deprivation looks slightly more desirable than this. (Only because there is wine on that side.)
3. My only Christmas/birthday/wish chip wish for the rest of my life is to just have one week where I can sleep as much as I want, not share any of my food with a child who is only going to spit the shared food out onto the floor, and a million dollars. That's it. I really don't feel like I'm asking for much. But my children, and whoever rigs the lottery, seem to think I am. 

Anyways, with that being said, naptime is over and I'm off to pretend like I give a crap about packing the house or washing diapers or making something besides a frozen pizza for dinner. (Spoiler: I don't.)