My thoughts on motherhood, leggings, cake, poop, and puke, but not necessarily in that order

• Bullet posts. I am just starting to accept that this is the way I'll blog from now on, unless I have some grand, amazing, detailed story (and a full 2.5 hour naptime! Ha!) to share with you.
• My birthday was this past weekend, and it was just a great day. I made funfetti waffles. Out of cookie mix. Again. Because when I see a box with a picture of funfetti on it, I just assume it's cake, even though my eyes must CERTAINLY notice that there are cookies on the front. It's the second time I've bought that stupid cookie mix. (Seriously, who here (or anywhere for that matter) is making funfetti cookies?!) It was also the second time I googled "how to make cake mix from cookie mix". Turned out perfectly in case any of you ever end up in that situation of not-being-able-to-read-while-at-the-grocery-store.
• I arranged for our sitter to come over the evening of my birthday so Steve and I could escape for dinner. He took me to Mad For Garlic and it was just as good as the first time (and slightly more expensive because they serve WINEADE. Like wine + ade. I don't even know what kind of magical crack they put in the ade but I CAN'T GET ENOUGH.). Steve's birthday plan was to let me pick out a cupcake from one of the bakeries downstairs (we were in that gigantic 10-story mall), but I've had a few Korean desserts now and..... meh. They aren't sweet. Which is probably why all these Koreans are so skinny, but I made a test batch of Knock You Naked brownies earlier (practicing for Thanksgiving!), so we hightailed it home and had some of those while watching Seinfeld. Because we are 85. And itching for diabetes apparently.
• I sausaged myself into this pair of fleece-lined Korean leggings this morning. (Is anyone surprised after reading the previous bullet point?) After wearing them for 7 hours, I have come to a few conclusions.
• First of all, SUB-bullet points! Isn't this impressive?
• Secondly, Korean leggings that state "free size" (aka one size fits all) do not include Americans. 
• Thirdly, judging by the low-hanging crotch in these things, I am assuming that my legs are too long/thighs are too big to wear these.
• Fourthly, I don't think they are meant to be worn (but omg I just typed WEARED like my middle name is Cletus) as pants a la Pinterest and their chunky sweaters with leggings trend. I think they're just like an undergarment to actually keep you warm under your real pants.
• And fifthly (not to be confused with filthy), I am still wearing said leggings. It took a lot of effort to get these babies on. And they're actually very comfortable. So until we venture outside later, I'm wearing them.
• My children have this mission to make me question my sanity multiple times a day. They like to pick Mondays to really test the limits since they know this is the longest/worst/most horrid day of the week. Today I took my rage out on our white tile kitchen floors (I wanna stab the person who made that design choice! White! In a kitchen! On the floor! Stab stab stab!) with about, oh say, 14 clorox wipes. Sam, noticing that things might have gone a little too far, would periodically come over and pat my bottom and say, "Yer 'dorable an bewtiful Muwmmy." TOO LITTLE TOO LATE, SON. (*insert crazy eyes here*) Yes, he can be sweet, but where was this sweet boy when I was trying to put shoes on his psycho hellion alter ego this morning?!
• Steve just texted to say that there are snow flurries up on post. I'm just.... I don't know if I'm ready. And YES, I'm very pro-4-seasons and I do think snow is beautiful. But once it starts actually snowing, then I really have to buck up and potty train Sam. Or potty guide. Whichever is more PC these days. Anyways, Molly did her horrified look at me the other day and grabbed her bottom, which usually signals that she just pooped, so I took her in the bedroom to change her. Only nothing was there. So I asked if she wanted to sit on the potty and she got really excited. I sat down on the floor next to her and read her a book and I could smell the signs that she'd done the deed! She tried pulling the same trick today as we were trying to walk out the door, but apparently she just wanted to air things out and have a book read to her. Not like I wanted to actually leave the house or anything today! (OMG WINTER IS GOING TO KILL ME, ISN'T IT)
• Related: My child must be the only child on the planet who does not respond to incentives. Or threats. Or candy.
• One of the things that the kids and I like to do to spice things up during the day is to visit new-to-us playgrounds. (We are so wild, I know!) Luckily, there are so many playgrounds around here you can throw a rock and hit five, and then that rock will ricochet and hit three more. So we wandered into this apartment complex and they had a pirate ship playground. No one was on the playground except for one elderly lady. She was sitting off to the side, but eventually came over to look at the kids. She pointed at Molly and asked me something. I don't know Korean (do I look like I do?), so I just responded, "She's 2," and held up two fingers. But she kept asking the same question over and over, but started grabbing and pointing at her crotch as well. At this point, I start to assume that maybe she is not completely stable, so I just keep nodding and smiling and saying, "She's 2," and try not to look horrified. Eventually she left. Five minutes later she reappeared with a bag of diapers for Molly. Oh. Well that makes more sense, I guess. I really need to learn some Korean. My sign language skillz are clearly lacking.
• Also, Molly is not two yet. I just round up because Koreans do ages differently than we do. When babies are born, they are one. So when American babies turn one, Korean babies turn two. And that has nothing to do with the time zones. (Har har!) So technically, in Korea, Sam is 4, although in America, he just turned 3. Just means I can register them for Korean preschool that much sooner! Huzzah!
• Is everyone sufficiently confused? Yes? Well now that you're all on my daily level of confusion, let's talk about how Molly puked up her lunch into my waiting hands at a playdate (fruit loops and rice- you really can't beat that color combination), the other mothers there just handed me baby wipes and kept talking, and then we all (including Molly) went right back to eating our lunches. Steve once finger-swabbed Sam when he had food go down the wrong pipe, he horked up his entire stomach onto his plate, got a hug, and then we all sat down (after clean up) to finish dinner together. When did this nothing-will-gross-me-out transformation occur? During pregnancy? During birth? Upon viewing the placenta? (Probably) Who even knows.
• Molly got boots. They are her favorite thing ever (besides puppies) and she refuses to be parted with them. (You should see the song and dance we have to put on to distract her at night so she doesn't go to bed with them.) I don't know where she gets this shoe obsession. I am no fashionista. Neither is Steve (thankfully), so she doesn't really have any role models in that department. It's going to be really ugly when she outgrows them (hopefully one day in the very distant future).