That one time I babysat a big kid

I watched a friend's five year old daughter today since she had to work. We were only together for the morning (5ish hours), but I learned some things that Future Jenn should take note of/fix/prepare for.

I have bad cheese. Is provolone not gouda 'nuff for you? (PUN!) She tried gouda and provolone and decided they were both horrible. Note to self: buy the cheap cheese in the wrapper for picky house guests.

I need to invest in, or invent, a clock that will spit out the correct time when a young child walks up and asks it to. I am not sure how I will refrain from cracking open a bottle of wine at 10am every day if I am being interrogated about the accuracy of my time-telling skills every 3.54 minutes. (Yes I am SURE that digital clock says it is 9:47. Which is only 2 minutes after you asked me the time at 9:45. There are 13 minutes until 10:00 and 2 hours and 13 minutes until your mom gets back. NOT THAT EITHER OF US ARE COUNTING OR ANYTHING.)

Learn the difference between Sunny D and orange juice. Clearly only an idiot such as myself cannot recognize the distinction between the two.

Wise men are "helpers."

Joseph was only Mary's friend. 

Mary, mother of Jesus, occasionally goes by the name of Debbie.

Be prepared to explain things that you don't think you should have to explain. Hopefully the breast pump will be out of the equation by the time your kids are old enough to ask about it.

Be more convincing when you lie. "That dvd doesn't work," will not keep a small child from asking you to try it anyway. Re: they don't trust your answers on ANYTHING.

Little people who talk nonstop also tend to eat nonstop. I don't understand the phenomenon of how they can accomplish both of these tasks at once, but by golly, they're amazing little (hungry) creatures.

When someone asks you to wear an Advent wreath on your head and calls you the queen, don't bother wasting time trying to beg out of it. Just, BE THE QUEEN.

When they ask for a lot of paper, don't you dare bring more than one sheet. ("You sure did bring a lot of PAPER in here.")

My pretzels are no good either. "I'll just throw these away." Well ok then.

Don't believe them when they say they'll help you clean up. "I don't want my mom to see this. Let's clean up." *keeps playing while I sling toys in their bins*

Also, they are kinda ridiculously cute with children younger than them.

Overall Future Jenn, you've got your work cut out for you. Good luck, and go ahead and buy that case of wine when you see it on sale. You're probably going to need it.