Next time I will probably just pack vodka instead of wine

Ok I think I might be ready to talk about the trip. *deep breaths*

As I mentioned earlier (back when I was really stupid and still had the option to FLY *smacks Jenn from two weeks ago across the face*), I raided the local Dollar Tree (the classy Oak Grove one, for all my Campbell folks reading out there- hello all three of you!). Some more detailed pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Ok, so I got the shape sorter (first picture) at the PX, the toy chain (third picture) for Molly at Babies R Us, and the bop-it-whack-a-mole whatchamacallit (fourth picture) and some of the books at a local yard sale (for LESS than a dollar though). But the rest of the loot crap toys came from Dollar Tree.

Let's discuss the activity toddler tray. It worked pretty well. You'll notice in the picture on Amazon that the little boy is NOT in a convertible toddler carseat, but more of a big-kid carseat. So he seems to be sitting up a little straighter than Sam was. This was the only downfall. Since he was reclined a bit in his carseat, he had trouble reaching things that slid to the far corners (which happened approximately every 0.4 seconds). BUT. It was still helpful to have a solid surface that was attached to his carseat for him to play on.

Has a huge fascination with putting his stinky, cheesy feet on everything. I dunno what to say. This is why we don't have nice things.

Molly was kinda "meh" about the toy chain. She hit it once. By accident. She much prefers the milk apparently.

They are so CUTE when they sleep! Even cuter when they do it at the same time! Take notes children!!!

I think it is worth mentioning that I sat in the backseat for the duration of the trip. (My hardship needs to be recognized! Heh.) Molly likes to see a human face close to her and Sam needed a toy/snack/drink/slap (kidding! haha! kind of) all the time, so it was just easier to sit back with them. We stuck the cooler in the backseat so that I could store extra milk (See how stupid I was two weeks ago?! Extra milk!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA), and I brought a bottle of wine in hopes of simultaneous napping. But that obviously never happened. Couldn't even open the cooler UP thanks to all the extra crap we brought along with us. (Gluten-free picky-eater toddlers must be accommodated with lots and LOTS of food items and that, in turn, takes up lots and LOTS of space. Harumph. I settled for some Chick-fil-a instead. *happy once again*)

Diaper changes took place on the tailgate of Steve's truck. We brought a towel and disposable diapers and it worked out well. Sam did not mind being changed in front of God and the world in the drive-through line so long as he could stare at the cars during the process. I say it went well, but the disposable diapers were a nightmare. Steve ACTUALLY SAID, "I cannot wait until we can get the cloth diapers back on them." STEVE SAID THAT. A MAN. WHO WANTS CLOTH DIAPERS. I hope the caps lock gets the message across about how amazed I am to have heard those words exit his mouth. But the disposable ones, aside from the convenience of chucking them immediately after, were horrible. And before you go thinking that I bought some cheap, generic bound-to-explode-the-moment-someone-lets-out-a-tinkle diaper, let me say that we bought PAMPERS. Sensitive, to be exact (because my babies have precious, delicate hineys). I brought along two outfits for Molly and she blew them both out within twenty minutes of each other. Luckily, I had the foresight to line both of their carseats with a disposable liner (these, folded in half), so we did not have to ride the remaining 476 hours of our trip smelling that.

She tends to prefer being naked and cool anyway.

Since it doesn't get dark until midnight these days, it took quite a while for these two to realize that I kept saying "GOODNIGHT!" because it was actually nighttime. Once they both fell asleep, I creeped up into the front seat. Then Steve and I whispered and I fell asleep for two minutes total. Steve will say that I slept for 2 hours, but he's a compulsive liar, so don't believe him when he tells you that. But what he's NOT lying about is how I got us lost. In West Virginia. AKA: It's a pretty part of the country, but don't let that fool you because you just might get murdered and no one will ever find out.
You see, what had happened was... We were going through the only "big city" in WV. I was staring at everything and also giving directions to Steve from my phone. You know how long those directions can get sometimes. It'll say something like, "Go slightly left on I-77 towards Skippers Lake/Shady Hollow/The Place Where They Filmed The Shining/The Red Barn/NE 276456678901 and then merge onto I-79."
So basically what I read was: "Get on I-77." And since some travel companions of mine started screaming and yelling, I told Steve that and went back to my other job of quieting down the tiny people. About, oh I dunno, an hour later, I glanced at my phone again and noticed that we were not driving on the road we were supposed to be on. We were supposed to take I-79. Oops.
When I told Steve, he was understandably pissed. Who wouldn't be? We were going IN THE WRONG DIRECTION on this already never-ending trip. But this man, y'all, he's a keeper. Two minutes after my telling him about my inability to read, he said, "You know what? This is fine. It's a road trip after all. Maybe there's a reason we're not supposed to be on that other interstate right now." And then of course, I felt like a total skunk because not only am I illiterate, but I DO NOT DESERVE THIS MAN. So we snaked through some gorgeous and very scary back roads before popping back out on the CORRECT interstate. Overall, it probably added about two hours to our trip.

Around 1am, Sam piped up with a very enthusiastic "YEAH?!" from the backseat. So... he was up! Weird. He was actually quite pleasant though. I went back, handed him some glowsticks, and he had the time of his life. That dollar was well-spent, no doubt.

We pulled into my in-laws' driveway at 2:30am. Sam proceeded to go batshit crazy. He was so excited to be out! of! his! carseat! He ran around and squealed and laughed and was basically beside himself with joy. This went on until 3:45. Then we called it quits with that noise and threw him in his crib. He immediately passed out and slept until almost noon the next day.

So that was the trip there. It lasted approximately 18.5 hours from buckling in the carseats to bolting out of the truck in Philly. (But it felt like 18.5 DAYS, I kid you not.)

The trip back always seems a little rougher in my opinion. There isn't really anything to look forward to, other than getting settled back into the regular ol' routine. Luckily, Steve looked at the directions ahead of time and I was not allowed to navigate! So that instantly shaved two hours off the return trip.

I also resorted to eating the world's healthiest breakfast to properly mourn the end of our vacation.

AND I DON'T REGRET A SINGLE CALORIE.

The trip back included one major, heavy, cars-driving-off-the-interstate storm, a traffic jam in that same city that I originally misled us in, getting the kids out of the car and ready to eat at a Wendy's, only to be completely ignored by the idiots working there, so we left while lightening bolts cracked down all around us and went to a Wendy's on the other side of the tracks (drive-thru- it's harder to ignore us there, I guess).

Then there was much whining and screaming and crying and wailing and gnashing of teeth as we saw signs that indicated we still had eight or so hours left on our trip to hell. I am not sure if I have ever cursed so much in my entire life. It was ugly, y'all. But I was SO INCREDIBLY SICK of it all. That coupled with having to pee while small people are sleeping made me very very cranky. (Am packing a few pairs of Depends next time to cut down on bathroom stops.)

Do you see my hair on his carseat? It's because I had pulled it all out of my head by that point. Glowsticks comin' out while it's still light out.... You know how bad I was needing a bottle or three of wine at this point?

Molly had her own glowsticks so that I didn't stab her eye out with the bottle during a nighttime feeding. It actually worked pretty well.

The captain of our boat even joined in on the fun. Doesn't he just look THRILLED?! Where should we go next honey???!!!

And what is more fun than driving 16 hours straight?? Unpacking the truck in the dead of night. Oh yes. 

I think it's safe to say that we are staying put for a very long while. Since we've been back, Steve has had to sit in the back with the babies whenever we run an errand. It's too soon for me to go back there just yet. And the gate guards always make funny comments about it, so I'm gonna try to keep that going for a little while longer.

Oh and this OFFICIALLY knocks #2 off the 101 in 1,001 list.