5

I was going to hammer out an anniversary post, but I never quite had the time to get my thoughts written down and hook up the external hard drive to search for wedding photos etc etc. But basically, I know this man is my one true love because he sat in our airless hallway and cleaned out our maggot-filled trashcan. He did it happily and didn't expect a pat on the back when it was over and he just knows that a maggot-less trashcan will make me over-the-moon happy so he does it for that reason. That, and he probably wants a maggot-less trashcan too. But mostly I think he did it for me. Just like when he came home for lunch today and I was already at my wits' end with these children and he told me that there's nothing wrong with a little day-drinkin'. Hot ham I love that man. Easy on the eyes too.

Anyways, I know you're all dying to know what romantic things we did to celebrate our fifth year of marriage. Let me fill you in.

• We went to Steve's battalion ball on the night of our anniversary (Friday). I could think of at least five other less-than-fun things I'd rather do besides that (1. donate blood 2. donate blood plasma 3. watch Madagascar 3 for the 500th time 4. Eat a hot pepper 5. Get a Brazilian wax), but this was one of those required sort of events, so we went. A friend here did my hair and makeup for me and now I'm not sure why I did my own hair and makeup for my wedding. I know not what I'm doing. And I wore the maternity gown that I brought over here with us (just in case) because the $10 Ebay dress I purchased from China a week prior to the ball did not fit. Turns out that their sizes are different! And Chinese people are as skinny as Korean people. Who is surprised? ($10 dress + Ebay + China + one week before the ball = this won't end well) Anyways, the maternity dress option was ok. Like a maxi dress so at least I was comfortable whilst listening to the commanders tell everyone to "shut the fck up and sit the hell down." Being that there were only a dozen or so spouses at this ball, it was run a bit differently than most balls I've been to. Never fear, I had a massive mug full of really bad Korean draft beer (think Natty Light) and a Jack and Coke, which was actually Jack and Pepsi, but whatever. This is Korea. I'm just happy to be in a semi-air-conditioned room with no children and a man who was willing to fetch me some booze.

• After one loud drunk at our table asked why I was not "getting fcked up" (which, Mom, means "wasted/drunk" in stupid people speak, fyi), I laughed because toddlers, man. They don't care what your night consisted of. They are still going to wake up at the ass crack of dawn and start demanding things from you. So my bad beer was plenty, a'thankyouverymuch drunk man!
• And sho' nuff, Sam let us sleep in until 6 and then we were up to pack and head down to Seoul. We were supposed to get down there in time to help Aggie and family move to a new apartment, but we got there too late to do anything helpful, so we just stole two of her kids and took everyone to a park. When anyone whined, about anything at all, we just gave them food. Worked like a charm. 

• After our "frans" went home for lunch and naps, we went to the PX food court to eat, and Sam promptly bit into his own finger as if it was a chicken nugget.

 

It looked worse on the side facing him, and when I said I'd put a bandaid on it for him, he cried and said, "No! No bandaid! Bandaids are for girls!"

This helped make his finger feel better.

 

• We met up later to have dinner at the hotel and OH MY WORD my children are officially thee worst at restaurants. I remember now why we eat at home or call a sitter. In the end, I gave Sam my phone and let Molly use a (very dull) bread knife as an eating utensil. (This was mostly because she had thrown every other eating utensil on the floor. While she was gargling rice for her main man's entertainment. Ahem.) In return, Aidan showed Molly how to eat steak like a real man and just shoved it all in his mouth at once. Sam (who was manning my phone) took this picture of Aidan (and sweet little well-behaved Levi) and I can't look at it without laughing. 

• After dinner, we went to the Banpo Bridge to show the kids the fireworks and lights and water and hoped that running around until well past their usual bedtime would wear them out enough to pass out quickly in the hotel. That plan sorta kinda backfired because while we made it there in plenty of time, the bridge did not light up. Apparently it was too windy. I should have known this when I helped Sam pee in some bushes next to the river and I almost got sprayed, despite standing behind him. There were fireworks though, and we saw some dogs that Molly claimed to have ownership over. I had to carry Sam back to the car like a sack of potatoes and ignore all the stares because, why is your son screaming like you are ruining his life? Oh BECAUSE I AM. It is my ongoing life's work.

 

• Finally get back to the hotel and begin the showering process. There are only two towels in our room so Steve runs down to get more and I just decide that since there is no tub, I'm going to shower with the kids to make this all go faster. Molly needed to hold the bar of soap otherwise she was just going to melt into a big puddle of whine, but then she also needed to wipe her eyes at the same time and *screams*. Enter Steve from Stage Left and I push Molly out of the shower for him to dry off and then there is a knock at the door (towel guy!) and shut the door so he doesn't see me naked! and everyone just needed to GO TO BED OMG. Everyone finally gets dried off and pajama'd and tucked in bed. But this was the first time that Molly had ever slept in a "real" bed. So she was not quite ready to just roll over and give up go to sleep. I let them watch Korean cartoons until they passed out, and after re-tucking Molly in a few dozen times, she finally fell asleep and stayed there.

 

• And lo and behold, everyone actually STAYED asleep and slept through the night! I think Molly would have slept until 9 or 10 if we hadn't been in there with her, but sadly, we were. So 7:36 it was! We went to the same hotel restaurant for breakfast (we got seated in a corner- do you think they remembered us??) but the experience was MUCH better. Breakfast buffet is their jam, apparently. They are well-rested, starving, and love almost all breakfast foods. It was glorious. Plus they ate free, so can we just do that every weekend please?
• After breakfast, we met up with Aggie and family at the playground, then ditched the kids with the dads and we ladies (minus Myer) skedaddled off to the massive commissary. We browsed and shopped and finally went back to retrieve our other halves. We went to Aggie's new house and everyone sustained some sort of injury before we left. Once irreversible meltdowns became imminent, we headed home. It rained the rest of the afternoon/evening, so we watched Madagascar 3 twice in a row and had pizza for dinner and then threatened everyone to go to sleep OR ELSE.
• Overall, I'd say it was a good weekend. Definitely not a vacation, but definitely fun.