You know I love you when I risk getting an infection/virus/ebola for you

So the day before Mothers Day, I went to the post office. I am always very on top of holidays and think gifts and cards out well in advance. I am never late in getting someone a gift on time. And I weigh exactly as much as my ID says I do. This paragraph cannot possibly be loaded with any more sarcasm so let me start a new one.

I was at the post office on Saturday trying to find boxes to fit my mother-in-law's and mother's gifts. This post office is.... less than desirable, as most post offices tend to be. I think, as much cash as I spend keeping that bankrupt institution afloat, they should be rolling out the red carpet every time I pull up. Open my car door, offer to carry my packages (or a kid or two), usher me up to the front of line, past all of the idiots (who, despite having sent packages overseas 15 zillion times before, cannot remember WHICH form they need to fill out), and then offer me the pretty stamps, not the god-awful Garfield stamps that are last month's rejects, and zip-bang-boom, I'm done. This trip should take no more than five minutes. Ah, my post office fantasy.

BUT I DIGRESS. I go to this post office and find the boxes. Mind you, they are all scattered in bigger boxes all over the floor. I guess I'm supposed to know post office code (FBR 4-210 means "medium flat rate box" DUH JENN) instead of ripping open every box in the place, but unfortunately, I am a mo-ron. After doing my good Samaritan deed of opening all the boxes, I start stuffing my boxes. I am so smart to bring my own Sharpie with me! And return address labels! And tissue paper! I ROCK at mailing packages!! Oh, except I forgot packing tape. Hm. There's some lying here on this germ-infested counter. But no scissors... How do I get the tape off of this spool? I try cutting it with my keys. No bueno. I attempt to rip it apart with my bare hands. Am not very strong. Crap, I just wasted a lot of tape. A guy walks in and starts getting his package ready. I try to anticipate how he's going to handle this tape situation. I expect him to look at me and say, "Where are the scissors?!" And I'd be all, "I KNOW, RIGHT?" But instead, this resourceful young barbarian used HIS BARE TEETH to cut through the tape. Gack. No mouthguard, no mouthwash, and from what I could see, he did not bleach the tape before he bit into it. Now maybe I'm what you'd call a germaphobe (but probably not since I abide by the 15-minute rule at home), but that's straight up nasty. God only knows how many people have touched (and bit off) that tape, let alone that dirty old counter, and you're going to just invite that mess into your MOUTH?!
For a brief moment, I contemplated asking this man if he would bite me off some tape too. I only need two long pieces! But dammit he was too quick and rushed off to get in line. Also, I think that might have been a wee bit embarrassing for me. "Um, sir? Could you gnaw off a couple pieces of this tape for me? I'll hold it. Just bite.... right there. Thanks!"

So. I did the unthinkable. I bit it myself. It was gross and I might have swallowed some (because I'm an amateur tape-biter and all), but I got the job done. Was feeling very pioneer woman and proud of myself for being so resourceful. Then I realized that I left my mom's card out of her box. CRAP. This was after I had scribbled "MAMA" on the front of it. Whatever. I stuck a (pretty) stamp on it and sent it on its way.

Despite the hassle of the post office, I was very happy to send the gifts to my mother-in-law and mom. They both deserve far more than my late packages. My mother-in-law has given life to my best friend! I love her! Muah! Thank you for raising such a great man!

And my mama, well, she's the best. I love her to death and am so thankful to have such a wonderful role model. Now if she could just visit a little more often... I'm hoping that if I sit close enough to her, some of her patience will rub right off on me...