What a DAY

Yesterday was SO WEIRD. So many bizarro things happened that I honestly couldn't tell if I was dreaming or if this was, in fact, REAL LIFE. Quick rundown:

• Sam slept until 9am. NINE AY EM!! We are accustomed to a 5:30, sometimes 6 or 6:30am, wake-up call from the wee one, so you can understand why I still woke up at 6:30 and repeatedly went in his room to check that he was still alive. (Good news! He was! Just really tired for some reason!)
• Sam took a mighty long nap. Again, he has set the standard for taking an hour nap at lunchtime. Yesterday, he slept for two and a half hours straight. Freaky.
• I had my legs rubbed by a nice Asian man.
• Ate lunch with a softball team.
• Had my eyebrows waxed (oh yes I did) and get this- IT DID NOT HURT. I half expected fairies to start flying around my head after that was over.
• I got invited to a sex toy party by my neighbor (female, so not AS creepy, right?)
• Got suckered into GOING to the sex toy party by my HUSBAND who thought I needed to cross that off my bucket list. (Bucket list? Do I even have one? Sex toy parties would probably not have made the cut if I did have one..)
• Realized that I am way not "cool" compared to other girls my age. Also, I will be the only girl my age not to die of lung cancer since I'm the ONLY one who doesn't smoke.
• Saw way too much at that party.
• Go home to find that Sam has taken ANOTHER two hour nap and is STILL SLEEPING. It was already 45 minutes past his regular bedtime, and he was still working on a NAP.
• Steve asks me if I notice anything different about the house. Did he sweep? No. Did he vacuum? Nuh-uh. Wash dishes? Nope. He got the sudden and powerful urge to CLEAN THE BASEBOARDS. ????
• Sam wakes up and we go about our day (although for us, it was turning into NIGHT).
• Talk to our neighbor and he lets it slip that he's a felon? Or that there are felons in the NFL? We didn't really want to clarify that, so we are assuming he was talking about the NFL.
• Sam FINALLY goes to bed at 8:30, a full two and a half hours AFTER his usual bedtime.
• We finally eat dinner at 9:00pm.
• Watch our neighbors play beer pong while I point out who was the freakiest sex person at the party. (SPOILER: It's the lady you DO NOT want to imagine doing anything of the sort. (Read: OLD, and missing a few teeth.))
• Went to go to bed and realized we have no sheets on the bed. They're still in the dryer.
• Go to bed at a VERY late hour for us (10:30pm) fully expecting Sam to sleep his usual 12 hours and wake up around 8am. 
• Sam: Not on board with that plan. Wakes up at regular time this morning, aka CRACK O' DAWN.
• Us: Please GOD let us have a NORMAL day today. Amen.