A post where all of the judgemental internet mothers will surely shank me via comments

Let's start with the good news first. I AM DONE PUMPING.

*heavens open up*

*choirs of angels sing*

*rainbows and unicorns*

Molly is almost ten months old. She has been exclusively "breastfed" since birth. I like to put "breastfed" in quotes (and air quotes because I'm cool like that) because I'm sure women who are actually feeding their children straight from their boobs would disagree that I'm really breastfeeding. I'm kinda sorta cheating. But I'm ok with that. I know that pumping was the best way for me. Although it has clearly negatively affected Molly's overall weight gain and development.

PLEASE NOTE MY EXTREME SARCASM.

But now it is time to bid adieu to my beloved pump, my not-entirely-comfy chair, and many many 20-minute chunks of time out of my day that are usually devoted to pumping. And reading blogs, because seriously, I just set my girls up and let the machine do its thing, there's not a ton of supervision required.

Why now? I'm going on a trip! A girls' trip to a land far far away. A trip that will involve wine. A trip that will not involve a hooter hider and alcohol test strips. A trip that does not involve my children in any way, shape, or form. (Let's all smile with teeth about that last line.)

I love these kids. So so much. But the 24/7-ness of deployment with no help in the form of childcare and I'm not gonna lie- sometimes? I WANT OUT. So since my freezer stash will probably not get Molly through a weekend anyway, and since I am not quite sure, logistically, how I would get breastmilk back in the right temperature conditions through a couple of airports, and since I want to just plain enjoy myself and get my body back, I have decided to stop.

Before you tell me how selfish I am for depriving Molly of those last two months of milk (assuming you're only holding me to the standard of "breastfeeding" until her first birthday), please keep in mind that

1) y'all really seemed to enjoy that drunk post I wrote, and maybe if I don't have to worry about breastmilk being affected, I can write a few more (bribery?),
2) the electronic sign outside of the hospital really only talks about breastmilk and the first six months in reference to being the most beneficial (accurate research- I do it),
3) I still cloth-diaper both kids, thus making me slightly crunchy. Maybe not breastfeed-until-they're-3 crunchy, but maybe like day-old stale popcorn crunchy.

Molly's poor doctor was visibly disturbed that I would even consider such an option, and when I asked about formula (whether she had any recommendations- one brand over another, a certain type, etc), you'd have thought I just asked if I should mix in a half cup of bleach with every bottle. Instead of a formula rec, I was told to find raw goat milk (weekly), and mix in a combination of additives that will most closely simulate breastmilk. OBVIOUSLY not comparable to breastmilk, but "it'll do in a pinch." Maybe this is a viable option for some people out there, I'm not judging their choices, but it's laughable to think I have the time/energy/money to do this. I told Steve and he thought she was suggesting we purchase a goat and milk her every day. Not sure if a Medela pump was designed for that or not and I'm not sure how I feel about having a goat sit in my glider.. Anywhoodle, NOT HAPPENING. I appreciate her concern, but I truly think Molly will be fine drinking formula for two months.

So, my question for you fine people is this: Have any of you ever milked a goat? Just kidding. What was the first thing you did when you were free from breastfeeding responsibilities? Besides drinking wine like it's 1999, what else should be a "must do" on my vacation to-do list?