Trouble with the law and a quick story about how Molly busted out (of her swaddle)

Hey there friends, hope y'all didn't come here expecting a Christmas recap, because ohmygosh I'm Christmased out and will not be recapping anything. If you want the short version, I ate too much, saw a bunch of family, got spoiled rotten (along with my kids), got to Skype Steve on Christmas day, and managed to get a picture of the kids and me smiling simultaneously. If you want the long version, well you best come on over and bring a bottle of wine and we can go over the details. Overall? I'm calling it a success.

As I mentioned here, I made the trip down south by myself. Well, myself plus the two kids. And the dog. And Wee Steve. And my Depends. But we made it, everyone behaved as if they had been snorting magic and unicorns, and I arrived with my sanity in tact (but not my dignity because hello diaper).

I'd love to rehash Advent Calendar Activities: Week 4 with you, but naptimes didn't align with the stars while we were at my parents' house (aka everything was closed by the time naptime was over), so the last three days of activities didn't happen. But luckily we were busy hanging out with aunts and uncles and grandparents and the kids didn't seem to care. Not to say that they cared a bunch about Weeks 1-3, but you know, it got me through a big holiday during this deployment and I'm just gonna say it: that Advent calendar was for me. ME. I know, I am so selfish. Maybe next year my kid will be more open to eating ice cream and painting ornaments instead of his head. (Oh who am I kidding, I will probably need to be on medication before I can attempt to let a child paint in my general vicinity ever again.)

Molly spent (not a lot of) her nighttime sleeping in her sleeper-rocker. This has been what's she's slept in since birth. I think the person who came up with this creation should be knighted with sainthood. (Proper terminology is my forte, dontcha know.) About halfway through our visit, she decided she was too big for this bed. (Side note: She has been too big for this bed for approximately 8.5 of her 9 months.) Instead of just lying in bed next to me and sleeping peacefully, she decided to wail in everybody's faces. And since private rooms were at a premium (meaning: no one had a private room), most everyone was disturbed in some way or another by the late night/early morning shrieking. I like to call it: The Lord's Most Natural Form Of Birth Control. Amen.

Now that we're back home, she has slept in her crib for the first time, unswaddled, successfully. Can you even begin to imagine what it's like cramming those thighs (that easily make 2T pants look like sausage casings), all greased up with vasoline, into a swaddle that was clearly made for a BABY?! You can quickly work up a sweat doing so. But she's doing ok in Sam's old pajamas and will hopefully start sleeping like a normal person very soon.

On the drive back home, the kids were good again. Slightly whinier, but still exceeded my expectations. (For the record, I set my expectations staggeringly low.) I was hummin' along, pumping, making nice time when I see a car on the side of the road with their hazard lights on. I scoot over into the other lane and then I look in my rearview to see it: blue lights. I had just been caught in a speed trap. While wearing Depends. And pumping. Awesome. I didn't have much to say to the officer. I realized that the speed limit had just changed and I was too busy singing along to my main man Jason Aldean to notice. Sam thought it was the coolest thing and Molly couldn't stop laughing. Odie was overcome with a pug-tastic snorting attack. Hard to work up a sob story with all of that going on. And the whole lactating-while-driving thing was going to be hard to explain if he asked. I just wanted the traffic stop to END. And quickly. Fortunately, it did. And he didn't ask what I was hiding under that cover or if that bag with the tubes attached was used to make meth. He just wrote me my ticket and sent me on my way. So that, my friends, is the story of my first-ever traffic ticket.

And, there you have it. A sorta-kinda recap of Christmas. Even though I said I wasn't going to. That look gets me every time! Now who's going to bed before 10pm on New Year's Eve like me?