An abundance of random things

  • Thank you a thousand times over for all of the sweet comments and emails and texts and prayers after my miscarriage post. They are all so appreciated, and only confirms that I really do have the greatest friends.
  • Funny things Sam's been saying:
    • After drinking water, and then jumping around- "My water is giggling!" (points to tummy) (I said "sloshing" once, but I guess that word didn't stick.)
    • After eating, he holds his belly and says, "Oh Ma, I think my tummy is growing!"
    • "Yer a boom-ta-hottie." (Steve sings to me, "You're not just a hottie, you're a hottie boombalottie!" None of that "Mary had a little lamb" bullshit around here...) (Also, I didn't believe that was a real song until Steve googled it one night and showed me. I'd bet that Google settles about 93% of our fact-based arguments. Our search history would make you laugh out loud if it didn't horrify you first.)
    • "My-YOR" (Myer) (Molly)
    • As soon as we finish a meal (any meal)- "But Ma, what's fer yunch?"
  • We took our kids to our favorite beef and leaf Sunday evening. Even though the sweet old lady cooked our meat for us (not sure how we would have managed otherwise), I still felt like we were refereeing an intense match of American Gladiator with a side of throwing food at the kids so they would sit still long enough for us to shovel our yummy food in our mouths. Overall, I'm going to call it a success though. Sam even tried some of the food (really out of character for him, although I did lie and tell him the meat was chicken..) and loved it. Molly mostly took Steve's rice as her own and began using any utensil she could get her hands on to scoop it into her gaping maw. Once we established how hot the burning hot flaming fire was, no one had any desire to touch it. A'thankya Jesus. I love being able to do things as a family like that. I also love being able to enjoy the food I'm eating, so we're not giving up date nights any time soon ever.
  • After dinner we walked around the market and talked to some dogs forever and visited our Korean sitter's new place of employment (a cafe). Of course she was on her dinner break while we were there, but we got some $moothie$ anyway and enjoyed the free(ish) AC. She is back to working 6 days a week, so we might not see her as much anymore.... insert my sad face here.
  • We attempted to take the kids to their first-ever movie theater this past weekend. We walked in and gave them 3D glasses. Uproar. Maybe because we didn't let Sam fish them out of the box himself? Fine. Put them back in the box. YOU pick a pair out for yourself. Doesn't want to wear them. Well, you won't be able to see the movie very well without them. Which is kinda the whole reason we're here. Ok don't wear the glasses. Do we need to go outside and have a talk? Let's go outside and have a talk. You want to STAY out here and play? But there is a movie and lots of AC inside! What is wrong with you? Don't you want to watch Planes? And eat popcorn? Let's go! As we walk into the theater, the Korean national anthem is playing. Covers ears, runs, screams that it's too loud and hurting his ears. Ask the ticket lady if we can get a refund since this isn't working out. No refund? Only a coupon? Greaaaaaaat. Thanks. We head home and watch Madagascar 2 with a volume setting of 11 and pop our own popcorn. At least we can drink beer in our living room.
  • Molly played in a sandbox recently. Sam must have dumped sand over her head when I wasn't looking because when we got home, the sweat from her head had adhered the sand to her SCALP like Gorilla Glue. I spent no less than 10 minutes with the water in one hand and my other hand intensely scrubbing the sand out of her hair. I put her (dry) hair behind her ears a minute ago and more sand fell out. Awesome.
  • We went to a new church this past weekend (at another post near us). Even though we got the start time wrong, we caught the last half of mass and our little monkeys sat through it! Major victory for us since we haven't had a good mass experience since Molly became mobile and we no longer have access to church nurseries. I allowed them to bring one book and one car each. I know my mother would never allow that, but dammit I don't have her superpowers! How did she get 5 children to sit through mass with no entertainment??? I wish she'd write a book with her secrets. Anyways, after mass we were told there was going to be fellowship in the coffee house next door. We walk over with all 20 of the other churchgoers (this is a tiny church!) and lo and behold, this is no coffee-and-donuts after-mass gathering that I'm accustomed to. (Although, this is Korea, I don't know why I'm still expecting normal things.) We hung out and chatted with a few people and then Mrs. Kim announced that the spaghetti is ready! (?) Then Mr. Lee walked throughout the room and handed everyone corn on the cob that he had grown in his garden. He proceeded to tell us everything else he was currently growing. The corn was great, although not exactly complimentary to the coffee. We didn't partake in the spaghetti since it was only 10am, but the kids gladly ate the little bags of chips they passed out and rubbed all of the Cheeto dust into their church clothes. A very nice morning. We'll be back.
  • What does it say about you when you are riding in the car and your husband asks if you remembered to put on a bra?
  • Molly will go around the table at dinner and name us off as she points to us- Dada, Mama, Eem, ME!
  • And I think that's about it. Here is a picture!

Project 365 - week 29

Thank you so so much for all of your sweet comments, prayers, well wishes, emails, texts, and facebook messages after my last post. I really do love my slice of the internet- the BEST people hang out here. xo

I expect to see lots of English mistakes in Korea- but not on post.

BFFs eating macaroni and making wayyyyy too much noisy.

A photo of my nugget- thank you for all the kind words and prayers!

Another evening at the soccer field. Some nights we play soccer, other nights we just run around and do whatever it takes to burn that pre-bedtime energy.

After we had a successful beef and leaf dinner, we browsed the market and came upon a small pet shop with three of Molly's favorite things.

This child.. sand everywhere. EVERYWHERE. But who can resist these chunky little toddler feet?

The kid can put away some noodles.


Writing this was good for my soul

  • I'm not entirely sure how to start this post, but I have such an intense desire to write-it-out-so-that-it-will-stop-rattling-in-my-head that I'm just gonna start it and see where it goes. Bullet-style, of course. 
  • This past week, I joined a club that I never wanted to be in- the Moms Who Miscarried Club. They are a strong, yet sad group of women that never wanted to join the club either. I'm sure they all thought it would never happen to them, and yet they find themselves looking at other pregnant women a bit differently and deleting pregnancy apps off their phone and hiding any baby stuff they might have accumulated since they first saw the two pink lines in the bathroom.
  • Also, hey I've been pregnant for the past 10 weeks. I had a much cuter way of announcing this- something more Pinterest-y and less depressing.
  • I initially went to the clinic at the post here, but if history has taught us anything, it's that no one knows what they are doing at this "medical facility", so after having blood drawn and my lady bits poked with a nerf gun flashlight, it was concluded that I should go see a real doctor in Seoul.
  • I did more bloodwork in Seoul and waited around for my appointment with the OB. I was honestly expecting him to tell me to keep an eye on the spotting, but that everything looked ok.
  • The OB (Korean) came in and did an internal ultrasound. He pointed to the tiny screen and asked us what we saw. He asked us if we thought that looked good. He asked us what we thought that meant. Having no background in radiology, I knew not what I was looking at. Hell, I can look at a fully developed baby on an ultrasound and still have no clue what I'm staring at. So this little game of 20 questions was not amusing to me. The language barrier wasn't helping.
  • I love Korea. I truly truly do. But right then, I just wanted to talk to someone whose first language was English. I didn't want to have to comprehend his words and accent while also trying to comprehend the medical things he was telling us.
  • So after very little guidance and a lot of insensitive remarks (that I am trying to chalk up to "lost in translation"), we left the hospital and headed home. Time to wait for my body to "do its thing."
My first and last photo of our third baby

  • I expected the process to take quite some time (or so Doctor Google said), so I knew I couldn't just sit at home and wait for it to happen. The kids would make me crazy. I would make myself crazy. So we continued on with our regularly scheduled activities and went to Seoul to see Aggie and her kids for the day. As soon as we got to her apartment though, I knew that it was happening. I feel terrible that I basically threw my kids at her as I ran to the bathroom, but Aggie is one of those friends that you'd want to be around if something major like that is going on in your life. So in between bathroom trips, we watched the kids play, talked with Aggie's psychotic neighbor, witnessed Levi sneeze two macaroni noodles out of his nose, sang Happy Birthday, ate cupcakes, and tried to keep all of the children from catapulting themselves from the trampoline couch onto the floor. To say that being at her house and having these distractions was great would be a massive understatement. I am so blessed by her friendship and support.
  • Emotionally, I'm still not really believing any of this. I think my mom was a bit shocked when we facetimed the other day and I wasn't mopping the floor with my tears. This lifestyle won't allow it. But I do believe my brain is somehow protecting me from jumping off into the deep end of dark emotions.This pregnancy wasn't announced to many- only a few friends, most of them being here in Korea. The day I found out I miscarried, the photo books announcing the pregnancy to our families were shipped. So for quite some time, since our families didn't know, the pregnancy itself didn't even feel real to me. I know I'm in the minority here, but I have no pregnancy symptoms other than getting incredibly fat. (I know, lynch my chubby self now!) So I never noticed any loss of pregnancy symptoms that would lead me to believe I could miscarry. I still can't believe it happened to me. I've never had an issue getting pregnant and both of my pregnancies were so uneventful that a doctor might yawn while looking over my patient history. I know "every pregnancy is different" but I'm still me. I thought my body was good at pregnancy and birth. Now that it has somehow failed leaves me feeling like I am in need of fixing.
  • It has also been a big ol' slap in the face that, whether I want to dwell on it or not, life goes on. The laundry does not give a shit that I just had a miscarriage yesterday. The kids won't magically fix their own breakfast because I don't want to get out of bed. The whining doesn't stop because I need a minute to myself. Life. Goes. On. These little people need attention and some sort of nutrition, and it's my job to give it to them. And so I will.
  • Steve has been great, as usual. He missed time at work so he could be with me at appointments and help with the kids. He tells me that I should probably eat some fudge, that my maxi pads make my butt look good, and that God has a plan for us. I know He does, but it comforts me so much more when those words come out of my husband's mouth. I love that I get to do life with him.
  • Also, a huge shout-out to Alicia, who let Molly nap (scream/nap) and play at her house while we went to the doc in Seoul. I know Molly's fear of that hospital is real and having her miss naptime so she can sit with us at a doctor's office is my idea of hell on earth. Having Sam record the entire vaginal ultrasound with my iphone was quite enough. I am seriously so thankful for such helpful friends. 
  • So anyways, that's what's been happening around here. My heart is broken, my womb is empty, but my arms are full- I can still read all of my kids' favorite books to them and give them gummy bears when I'm not supposed to and crack a fart joke to make Steve laugh. Life goes on.


Project 365 - week 28

Thanks to Pinterest, no one is slinging applesauce all over my kitchen anymore! Molly remains unimpressed.

Grocery shopping with the gang

I asked him to stick his lip out and pout, and this is what we ended up with. He's trying his hardest not to smile at me.

So focused on riding her royal steed that she can't even be bothered to wave to her fan club. Luckily she has a good manager daddy that's willing to help her out.

After a rough Sunday with crazy kids and no husband (damn staff duty!), I decided to look up (instead of down at the playground where everyone else was hanging out with their dads/husbands-ugh! Tell me I'm not alone in these feelings when your husband is working and no one else is?) and was greeted with some pretty clouds.

Because a week of photos wouldn't be complete without a grainy cell phone shot.

Showing off his gymnastic abilities. Can you believe it's 8pm in this picture? Why doesn't he look tired?